Mixed wedding

We're having a mixed wedding (obvi im black and FH is white) but I'm hoping that some of my outgoing family and friends will mesh with his outgoing family and friends. Our DJ has been instructed to play songs that everybody knows so there will be a mixture on the dance floor. Trust me it's something I've worried about too.

Vino and cerveza possibly??

I wouldn't worry too much. They will be happy for you, and I'm assuming they are supportive, so as long as you have a good guest experience I think everyone would be happy.

Will everyone know you are already married?

I wouldn't worry about it. I would worry more about why you want to have a party a year after you got married?

"Like the Tanner family from full house white" hahahahaha

It'll be fine. The Mexican aunts and grandmas will make fun of the silly white people, and the silly white people will smile and nod. Maybe make sure there's lots of dancing. Everyone understands that language. Have fun!!

I'm white and my FH is South American (Brazil) . we found a Dj that we can give the music we want to play and then he will listen to get familiar to how the songs sound so they will flow better.

Our officiant will speak Portuguese and English, so he will be doing a short prayer in both languages.

Our venue allows outside cake and deserts so they will be a Brazilian style cake and traditional brazilian deserts, the main menu will be American style food.

Invites, RSVP and written stuff is staying in English, since it is pretty basic info and I feel like it could be in Chinese and people could figure it out.

You asked for opinions, so I'm going to be honest. Your wedding (and ceremony) is next Monday. What you will have next August is a celebration or party. It is not a "do-over" or your opportunity to have a "real" wedding. No wedding dress, BP, etc. Also no pre-wedding parties (shower, bachelorette party, etc.) because you will already be married. It is NOT a vow renewal either. The absolute minimum on this is 10 years, although people are trying to push it back to 5. It is a major breach of etiquette to do a wedding do-over one year after you get married and call it a "vow renewal." The poster above is correct as well. Will the guests you invite next August know that you will already have been married for a year? If not, they will NOT be happy. Please read all the other postings on this and reconsider! Also, read Miss Manners-she will lay it out for you!

Thank you for all the advice, but I guess I wasn't clear about what I was asking. I only needed advice on how families will mesh, not about why or how I'm planning MY wedding/vow renewal. Our families & friends are supportive & that's all that matters. Again, I do appreciate the advice, but that wasn't something I want or need advice on lol.

I say if you and your FH want to have your version of a vow renewal next year then that is great wedding dress and all! There are many reasons why couples do that. Back to your original question... I would make sure the DJ plays a variety of music. I wouldn't worry too much about it though. I'm sure it will be great!

OP, do your families know each other already? maybe start to incorporate "family" events where both sides can have some bonding time, that way on the renewal day people are already comfortable. even if you can get small groups together and not the whole family I think that will be helpful.

yeah, its not my business for the reasons you are doing what you are doing, I just going to focus on the question you asked.

Thank you for the support & advice!!

Well I think a lot of people now a days are having mixed weddings. My ceremony is Japanese inspired (FH is half)

We are having live Japanese music, I'll be wearing an obi over my western dress getting married under a tea house in a Japanese garden.

Our reception will have hints of Mexican vibes. Mariachi for cocktail hour, sweet bread along with the cake. Street tacos for midnight snack.

It's just what you feel that your guest would enjoy.

Good music and good food will make all families come together.

I'm Asian and my fh is Caucasian. There has been hiccups because my parents are more traditional and his parents are very catholic traditional. We've been trying to involve both but for the most part we're going with the traditional American wedding. We're not doing the grand entrance, father daughter dance, etc. All the extra silly stuff will just look dumb to my parents so I don't mind skipping it. I think you just have to be clear on both of your exceptations.

Second time I'm seeing Kelley tell someone that they aren't allowed to have a wedding party after the ceremony (especially sooner than 10 years before). Gonna go ahead and disagree majorly with that. There are different cultures where stuff like this is the norm and many reasons that could call for these circumstances. Also, who cares! They want to invite people to a party! Let people live!

Two of my older siblings married white people (we're Bolivian); one of them even had two weddings. And I myself am marrying a white guy. At all the weddings we had a good mix of music and even played a couple of Bolivian songs and did some traditional dancing. Honestly, before the dancing (and drinking lol), the weddings were a little bit awkward. And in all cases, my family started the dancing. But when the other families joined in, the culture barriers basically disappeared. For my ceremony we are doing some readings in English and some in Spanish. We're really just mixing it around in all kinds of places. It will be a great union of cultures.

Just make sure everyone is taken care of and has a good time, and they'll all be happy!

Here we go again.

Do your celebration, call it what you want and tell whoever you want (or don't want) about the legal wedding. Literally no one (except Kelley) cares when the legal paper was signed. If they did, maybe more than one person would have asked me about that in the last 1500 weddings. (I believe my response to Kelley on the last post like this is what got me a time out for a week; correct me if I'm wrong.)

There is no "etiquette" about vow renewals, getting married ahead of time or telling people anything. There are different ways to approach it depending on how many people know that you're married, how long ago your legal wedding was and how YOU feel about it. This BS about not wearing a dress, a 'minimum' of years? These are all made up rules and in addition to being fictitious, they are judgmental and snotty. No one has the right to tell you when to get legally married; in many countries you'd have to do that first anyway.

Now that we've laid that to rest...

As you might imagine, I do a LOT of marriages that are mixed in race, religion, even wildly differing ages (in fact, in thinking back over the last few months? Most of my couples are 'mixed' in some way). I think you've covered a lot of bases that will go a long way to make everyone not only feel comfortable but discover some elements of another culture that they might never encounter otherwise! I think it's great!

Having a ceremony that is accessible to everyone is great (though I would not recommend doing the whole thing in both languages; it's long, seems disconnected and loses a lot of impact if every paragraph is said in each language; do an intro in both, vows in both, the pronouncement in both). Play all kinds of music. Have different kinds of food (yum!)

I do think that the idea of getting people together before hand is a great one too!

Good luck!

So yeah, people are going to post their opinion on all things. Sort through it.

Your friends and families are there to celebrate and support you. They have the two of you in common. Don't worry--people of all races and cultures and backgrounds have been socializing for a long time and it usually works out. Good food, drink and music will help

With regards to the bi-lingual ceremony - something that you should think about is having the wedding program in both languages, so that people can follow what is happening during the parts that is not in their language.

Are there any traditions on either side that might not go over well? If so, you might want to think about giving them a miss, or preparing the other side of the family for it.

It sounds like you have given it a lot of thought already.

I have never heard of this "10 year minimum" Kelley speaks of and honestly I find her attitude a bit hostile.

It seems as though you have covered every base here and are fully prepared for you mixed wedding which sounds awesome! Maybe you can do some different desserts or even food to mix it up a little more. I would have to agree with @kate about the speeches though that may take to long if they need to be translated so either keep them very short with well wishes or take them out entirely

I'm having two weddings so that we don't have to mix the wedding traditions. I wanted none of that drama. FH's family is also very much "Tanner family from Full House" and mine are just the opposite, so yeah, both sides get the wedding traditions that they are ridiculously emotionally attached to, and I just get to marry FH drama-free. Twice.

I do not think of the second wedding as a "vow renewal." We will have different vows in each, as they reflect different cultural values.