Mini Freak Out On Bridesmaid

Tell her all black it’s such a simple request

Ugh I feel ya! I have SEVERAL friends with big personalities who fight for the most attention and it can be exhausting (but I love them so I have to deal with it haha)

My one friend (of 18 years) is also getting married right after me and she has been the worst throughout the whole planning. For her wedding she selected a $300 identical dress for us BM's without asking our budgets - fine -I will do what ever and didn't complain.

For my wedding - I picked three colors for 8 women to choose from - dusty rose, wisteria and dusk and let them pick the dress based on their own budgets. Before people picked colors she was adamant she wanted the dusty rose...Well we go to buy our BM dresses for each other's wedding and it was so awful. She was annoyed she couldn't pick Blush - which isn't the color we agreed on and she's NOT the MOH anyway. Then she threw a fit in the salon because two of her BM's bought the dress for her wedding on a resell site (it was worn once) and was mad that the color might be oxidized and not right for her wedding...the saleswoman gave us a bottle of prosecco to calm her down and help me not want to strangle her. Oh the joys of having a Bridal Party...

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My thoughts indeed!

Make a list of 20-30 dresses that you find acceptable and let them choose which one to get based on that. Choose a range of dresses and prices so they find the one that works for them.

That is what I did when I was planning my big wedding to keep them in the general style I wanted while giving them variety. Otherwise its too complicated.

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Yea, it is his wedding too. Shouldn't he get a say in the style and vision for the wedding? Is it really appropriate to have things with the wedding make him uncomfortable. The photos we take will last forever. He doesn't get to make the decision, I do. But he at least gets a say in it.

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Wow! that is intense. LOL. I am so sorry. Why does it have to be like this!? hahaha

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As I mentioned to that commenter... It is his wedding too. His vision matters. Why is it appropriate for me to pick dresses for my bridesmaids but it isn't appropriate for him to have any say or feelings about it? I am making the final decision but he absolutely gets a say in it. We are partners. We are doing this together and taking each others feelings into consideration.

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I know! I just want to be easy breezy!

This is why I am 100% opposed to dress freesom. It sounds like you have a pretty good idea for your vision, so I recommend (like someone else also mentioned) to pick out a handful of dresses that you like, and then let them choose. I will only have one bridesmaid, but I have about 12 dresses picked out and so hopefully she will like one of those, but still be able to pick whichever she likes the most. Not that this is super important, but I am paying for it, so cost should not be a concern for her - I just thought about this because I was once (unfortunately) apart of a large bridal party and the bride kept changing her mind on everything - first she wanted us to pick a random dress, then she didn’t like what some picked, so we all got the same one - except a few of the girls did not purchase (mainly due to cost) and so we had to do color changes (it was a huge mess). Then when it came time to the day of, she wanted us to wear cowboy boots and some didn’t own any and instead of saying anything, they wore combat and riding boots - the bride was pissed. And then for our hair shw gave us no direction which was annoying for everyone and then she ended up being mad about some people wearing their hair up. My overall point I am trying to make, is that people LIKE direction. I know cost are huge factors and you are probably just trying to be relaxed and do them favors in that way, but it makes things 100 times more confusing/complictaed than it should be. It is your day and being on the bridesmaid side of things, it is nice to know what the bride expects, instead of trying to assume what she wants or doesn’t want.

I hope this post doesn’t sound rude! I am just trying to add a personal perspective on this issue, because as I mentioned, it was so stressful for EVERYONE involved when the bride gives too many choices...

Freedom* ... sorry for any other typos! I always mess up when I’m on the app!

Definitely let them know you’re firm on color but style and length is up to them.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you asked, or the fact that you asked the bridesmaids to pick a modest dress. It’s a wedding, not a night clubbing. I also hate confrontation but the more straight forward you can be the better and less hurt everyone will feel. Just say “Thanks! This is an awesome list! I think dress A, D, and F are a little too revealing for the wedding. But if any of the other dresses come in all black, any of them would be great! This list will be so helpful for my sister. Thanks for being so on top of it!”

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I agree that it's his wedding. My fiance is also very conservative and honestly I tend to be more conservative myself. My bridesmaids (MOH in particular lol) can be a little wild but we talked about it and I did choose conservative dresses and they agreed. I don't think you're wrong at all.

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No, I completely get it. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and the bride was awful. She got married on the beach so she said to wear whatever sandal you want, didn’t care if they were the same or different. But then when we started giving her examples (because we knew she wouldn’t be okay with just anything we picked) she started getting so picky about everything but didn’t give us any direction. She was this way about jewelry and nail polish… It was the worst.
The thing is, I am not trying to be relaxed about it. I honestly don’t care about any other detail. A black dress that you would wear to a wedding and not a night out on the town. And choosing options for them to pick from is 1 – not my style. 2 – I would have to choose different options for each girl because their body types are so different from one another 3 – not an option at this point now that most of them already have their dresses. There is only 1 bridesmaid (this one I am having the issue with) who is 1, waiting so long and 2, not paying attention to the email I sent with the details on what I wanted. I can’t give “expectations” beyond what I have because I don’t have any. That is truly not me trying to be anything that is just that… I don’t care. Side note… my issue was more about the black and not the busty part. The busty part is whatever, I will address that because I know that can be vague. But she literally seems to think my wedding colors include colors I have explicitly said are NOT my wedding colors. (sorry I rambled and vented).

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Thanks, that is a great way to put it!

View Quoted Comment I definitely don’t think you are being picky and I think its crazy that she is causing you so many issues. The color thing blows my mind - mainly because I am obsessive and have chosen black too, and ai expect to see black, not grey or navy! That is wild to me and annoying that she is making things complicated. I would still try to help guide her if possible and basically pick out a dress for her. But I would totally shut her down and tell her it HAS to be black lol no other variation of what she “thinks” will look okay.

Kinda with you on the busty part. My fiance is also very modest so it'd make him and our parents uncomfortable. Totally understand why you'd want to make him feel comfortable.

I also am not great with confrontation...so I'd probably say 'A few of those are a little busty lol. Pick your fave that comes in black and I'll let you know if it'll go with everything '

Best of luck!!

Just give her a nice gentle reminder... don't forget it's got To be all black and not too much cleavage!

View Quoted Comment Thanks! And OMG, i completely forgot about his parents. His Mom would be so uncomfortable lol

View Quoted Comment And if you pick black for a person who looks bad in it and will never wear it again? That is a major bridesmaid problem, brides who choose dresses people would never in a million years wear again, at a cost of $100-$250. Why most bm like some choice.