Millennials & Gen Z, i have a question...

I wouldnt feel cheated at all. I think its such a weird concept that people are so concerned about whether you sign the legal papers at your wedding. Its extremely common for people having a destination wedding to sign papers before or after the formal ceremony and reception.

This is also becoming a much more common practice among younger generations to just get the legal part of it over with long before the actual ceremony and reception. My husband and I got legally married in November and only told necessary people (close family and witnesses) and are having our wedding in March 2023. Our witnesses got married back in 2016 but didnt tell anyone except their parents and wedding parties and they had a destination wedding on their 1 year anniversary without anyone knowing. Lots of people know now and no one cared at all.

From the few people we've told about what we did we have yet to get a single negative reaction or questions.

I wouldn't care and don't know anyone that would. I'm in my 50's so definitely on the "older" side of the WW demographic.


While we didn't have a destination wedding we did have a legal ceremony with just our immediate family long before we had our big celebration. Most people knew, a few didn't until our officiant said we were reaffirming our vows. No one cared! Everyone was excited to celebrate with us. The legal one was pre COVID. Like you I wanted to see what people thought about something like this. So many of the posts and comments on here were not only negative but some were downright nasty. The people that know and love you shouldn't care. Strangers however will gladly say how wrong it is lol. Everyone's situation is different. Do what's right for you.

Me, my brother, sister, and all of my bridesmaids are ALL in the "2 wedding club" for various reasons. Now more than ever because of COVID people are getting legally married in small ceremonies and having their celebrations later. If people are getting butthurt because they didn't witness the legal paperwork involved (we had a few people not come because of this-oh well) then you don't want them to come anyway.

Younger millennial here, and what you're describing I wouldn't care about at all. The only situation that I would even think twice about is when people get married in private like 6 months+ before their wedding and feel as though they need to hide it from everyone and act like they're really getting married the day everyone is invited. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I need to see their legal paperwork, it just makes me feel like they're ashamed of how they actually got married and don't want everyone else to know.

View Quoted Comment

Maybe they don't feel ashamed, but more so feel like that wasn't their wedding so they didn't feel the need to share it. Or they don't want people who do care about this to say anything hurtful to them. Some of these other threads on this topic are really rude so I guess I can understand why people wouldn't want to be open about it.

The day before the wedding I don't think I would care about. If they'd gotten married months before, and didn't tell anyone...yeah, I think that would bother me.


I'm a late millennial (born 1995).

I wouldn’t be offended at all. Especially with Covid the last few years, lots of people have gotten legally married well before their big wedding celebration. What you describe makes perfect sense especially since your wedding is out of the country. Also, do you have to even tell people you did the legal stuff beforehand? I wouldn’t think so, but regardless it won’t take away from the wedding at all. We attended a destination wedding (out of state, I mean) last summer where the couple had postponed from 2020, but they had gotten married in 2020 legally. It didn’t take away at all, and you could tell the wedding meant a lot to them even though they were “already” married. So all in all, don’t worry about it, especially the way you plan to do it!

View Quoted Comment

Would you prefer they announced it beforehand if they got married months before? Beforehand as in before you received an invitation. Would that affect your decision to attend? Also would it matter if this was a close family member or friend?

View Quoted Comment I feel like if they got married months before, it's a reception or a vow renewal, not a wedding. I would probably go to either if I was close to the person. If I wasn't, I would prioritize a wedding over a vow renewal if I had a scheduling conflict. If the couple called it a wedding, I'd probably side eye it, but my choice to go or not would depend on how close I was to the couple.

We found someone in my town that basically just signs the paperwork to make it legal, we will be doing that the night before, so that our friend can do the ceremony and not have to go through getting ordained. Just don't tell anyone

Well, ageism aside, I wouldn't lie to people about your marital status. I'd be happy to come celebrate a wedding that already happened, but if I got there and I was deceived, I'd feel weird about it.

View Quoted Comment

I'm not trying to discriminate based on age, more so I'm trying to understand the general mindset of people born at a certain time period. Let's not pretend that generally, generations have certain beliefs and common interest that are related to the time period they grew up in.

Old soul millenial here 👋Oh I wouldn't care at all! And your reasoning makes so much sense. I wouldn't want to try to navigate getting married in another country. People are way too sensitive.

As a young millennial, I wouldn't care at all. Like you said, it's about the ceremony of committing to each other. Especially during these crazy pandemic times. But like, there's sort of a limit. If it was 3 years later I'd be a little like maybe?? Either way, if it was quite some time ago I'd also think it would be nicer to be upfront about it and celebrate that fact rather than hide it. (Obviously if you're doing it right before the destination wedding this in no way applies to you, but I just wanted to explain myself thoroughly. I think you doing the legal stuff beforehand is smart!!)

I would not be bothered. I think of the wedding ceremony as creating a happy and memorable moment for the couple and their friends and family. It's about the emotional bond, not the legal bond.

I honestly wouldn’t care one way or the other. I would just be happy to attend and watch the magic happen at the second ceremony. I think it’s a great choice.

If your still doing a ceremony and the piece of paper was signed a day before I don't know why people would care. You might want to invite the most special people in your life to witness it, but I personally wouldn't feel that the ceremony at the destination is any less legitimate. It's like when you get some of the wedding photos done before the ceremony. You don't have to tell people that they are actually finance photos because they were taken before the ceremony. You just get the time consuming part out of the way so there is more time for fun.

I actually found out after one of my friend's weddings that she had eloped a few months before. I didn't feel cheated, I still enjoyed my time there and enjoyed seeing them promise to spend the rest of their days together. I think there is a "weird" element to it if you think hard about it. Like, "I'm here, celebrating a marriage... that already happened???" But I don't think I would feel cheated, especially if there was a good reason.