Mild frustration:pushed back the wedding

Even if your date doesn't happen again for another 4 years, you will still be a very young bride, your fiance will be finished college or close to it hopefully, and you'll be a more stable place jobwise and financially to begin your live together. And if you don't want to wait, the new date you choose will become just as special.

I would question if he still wants to get married, but it's possible he wants to wait so that he can be a good provider for you.

You keep saying YOUR date, not OUR date - it is his wedding too.

well, you can push it back, or scale back the wedding - what is more important to you?

Is there more to his reason for delaying it? My suggestion is since your both young and aren’t both finished schooling and he just started working that this wasn’t a good time to get married anyway. Spend the time you both need to become self reliant before rushing into marriage.

I say my date because he left me to pick when we would get married, he said he doesn't care how or when it happens as long he gets to marry me. It's "my" date because it is the day after my late grandfather's birthday and he passed away today 5 years ago and I was very close to him. I realize that the wedding is both FH's and I but I say my date for that reason. The wedding is already very small, it was supposed to be him, I and twelve other people going four hours away from where FH and I live and having the wedding at a small bed and breakfast. I can't really scale back much more without just staying here and going to the courthouse(and I'm okay with this for the most part. I've always wanted a pretty wedding but if it doesn't happen oh well). I'm just mildly frustrated and really truly just want to marry my best friend.

And we delayed it so that he can pay for his schooling without having to worry about paying for our wedding as well. He is getting his associates degree in being a machinist and I am going to college to be a vet tech starting next spring.

Your both so young. You have so much growing and changing ahead of you. Don’t rush it. Become independently established in life before you think about marriage. I am such a different woman I am now than at 18.

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It's great that you both have plans for your future and that you love each other so much that you want to commit and get married. It does however sound as if your FH has some doubts, perhaps giving it some time and moving the date will turn out to be the better option in the long run.

Sorry to hear that you might run into conflicts regarding the date you would like to have, but then again, it wouldn't be wise to rush something so important only because of a date. I think it's actually a smart move of your FH to make this decision rationally rather than emotionally, he is not saying he doesn't want to marry but simply move it due to financial reasons and being able to provide a stable future, I think you should evaluate what is more important to you.

Him I've been there but think how much time you now have to save for the wedding, you can have it on a weekday if that's important to you

I wouldn't have been thinking about getting married if my FH wasn't in school and not employed. I would be much more worried about him being gainfully employed, or working to make himself employable. Forget the wedding and let your FH focus on school.

I understand the want to get married as soon as possible. However, I see you're 18, which means you both are just barely out of school. I'm not judging by any means as I am in my early 20's, but I suggest you go ahead and take the push back. It will be so much easier being able to get a handle on life; He can get established in his job, as well as he can settle into college. I assume you have a job as well. You will need to be thinking about an apartment if you don't have one already, how you're going to pay the college expenses on top of rent (if you choose an apt after the wedding, this is still something to discuss), how you are going to be able to pay for the wedding and properly host it, and being able to handle all of this stress together all at once. It's a lot.

I tell you this because I was in a similar situation when I was 18. We just wanted to get married. But I'm so thankful we waited a few more years because it was rocky for both of us to be able to do everything mentioned above. Heck, it was hard enough to get an apartment alone! We had a few fights, for sure. Take it one step at a time. I promise it's worth it!

I know it’s hard to think about or hear, but this may be a blessing in disguise. It’s better to figure this out now, before you get too deep into planning, or already married. 4 years seems like an eternity but it’ll go by fast.

I agree with HulaHoop. I think there is often incredible good to come from things when situations don't go as we originally planned. There's disappointment in the moment, but try to keep focused on the future. Just think how much easier it will be to start your married life together with your careers more secure. Hang in!

This isn't your firs post regarding the issues that you are having planing this wedding. I got married at 18, Divorced with 2 children by 20, remarried at 24, and divorced the second time with four kids (2 from each marriage) at 28. Let me say this....if it is meant to be it will be regardless of if you have your perfect day of not. You both will change so much from 18 to 25 and rushing it, instate going to help anything. I understand your frustration as not getting the date you wish. Personally I do not think that wedding dates should be connected to anything other than a date that is special to both spouses. I also believe it the idea of if you are planning something and nothing goes smoothly then thats not a right thing to do, when you plan something and things go smoothly then it was truly meant to be. If you two truly wish to just be married then why have a wedding, regardless of the size, just go get married at the court house. You can always have a vow renewal down the road.

If the date is so important to you, why don’t you look into a court house wedding...then do a vow renewal in a couple years for your friends and family!

I understand wanting to get married ASAP, and I understand the date thing as well. It was really important for me to get engaged within the past few months and start planning for a wedding in the very near future, so I understand your frustrations. Some points:

So young. So so so young. And I'm young too, and I still get this line from people, and I hate it, but it's one of those criticisms that is based in truth. You should heed it. Being so young, there is a lot left that you need to figure out before you get married, things that I certainly wasn't prepared to do at 18. Neither of you are really at the start of your careers, as you're still getting education. How are you going to handle all the financial aspects? Joint accounts, or separate? Whose health insurance? Children? Who will raise the children/spend more time at home? What will you do in event of a divorce? (I know, gross question, but it's something to consider)


My fiance and I have been living together for about half a year, and have been learning how to support each other. It requires more than love and an emotional commitment. You have to have some semblance of a balance, and it looks like you guys don't have all the pieces figured out yet, so how can you establish a good balance? Take this time to lean on each and learn from each other while you go to school. It'll save you some headaches down the road when you have to completely intertwine your lives.

I hope this isn't too lecturing. I'm young, and I do get it. I'm in grad school and working full time and planning this wedding, my fiance just graduated and started his first salaried job. Both of our parents married young, his are divorced, mine are still together. But both of our parents didn't have it easy, and so we want to make things go as smoothly as possible now, so the fun wedding can happen in the future.

Talk to your fiance, make sure this is just for school and not because he's having doubts. But even if he is having doubts, I'm guessing that they're related to goals/finances/future stuff, things that you can and will hash out together eventually.

I am sorry for everything you are going threw but maybe this is a sign to put it off for a bit. Also not trying to be rude but you are posting like the exact same thing over & over again. Put all your questions into one forum so its not blowing up all the different questions.

Nevermind i just realized they are all from different days just showing up on mine all at once my bad

Besides being very young, they say that you don't fully know someone until 3 years (and trust me there's still more to learn after that.) Slow things down for a while and then plan a wedding and life that works for both of you.

I certainly understand not wanting to wait four years for your wedding date to be on a weekend again. The date is important to you, and paying for college without loans is important to your fiancé. I’d suggest a compromise: if waiting a year or possibly two can help you both gradually save for the wedding while your fiancé can pay for his college, perhaps you should have a courthouse ceremony on your preferred date in one or two years (yes, the weekday), but then have the reception you envision at the B&B four hours away on the weekend following that date. You won’t have to wait quite four years, your anniversary will always be that important day, and you’ll be able to celebrate with your guests on a weekend.

My honest opinion is he isn’t ready. You both aren’t finished schooling and he just now got a job. A date is just a date . You need to wait a few years. It honestly sounds like he proposed to show you he is serious but wants to have a long engagement.

What’s the hurry? Seriously....you have no idea what the future holds and giving both of you time to figure that out is a blessing. I feel like I’m not ready for marriage sometimes—because I’m not “grown up” enough—and I’m 41!!! You don’t have to wait as long as me, lol, but by no means should you rush into or create unreasonable pressure just because of a specific date. Him wanting to pay for school with no loans is SO SMART. I’m sure once you guys go through getting your education and setting up a household, you’ll only be smarter and stronger.