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Just Said Yes June 2019

mil wants to join honeymoon

Heather, on April 3, 2019 at 4:42 PM Posted in Honeymoon 0 71

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Okay guys. I’ve about had it with my FMIL. My fiancé & I are getting married in 2 months. By that time I will be 6 months pregnant. I already don’t get along with her due to her controlling behaviors, constantly guilting me and my FH and she’s all around toxic. My FH let her know our wedding date last week and she was pissed we were getting married before the baby is due. A little backstory; we got engaged on Christmas Eve, did the thing, got pregnant and found out 3 weeks later. We already planned on getting married, but decided it was best to be married before the baby so we could have a honeymoon and only focus on our child once they arrive. I thought it was kind of ridiculous she was mad, considering it’s really none of her place to decide when we get married. Anyway, as the convo was starting to end, she asked my FH what we planned on doing for the honeymoon. He mentioned we’re looking to go to Florida and enjoy a week or so alone in the sun. She brought up how her birthday is June 18th, and that she was wanting to do a birthday bash this year and go on a vacation for her birthday. She asked to COMBINE our honeymoon and her birthday! I almost started laughing because I thought she was joking, but realized she was serious! She started mentioning all these places she wanted to go and how it would be nice for her and her husband to have some vacation time alone because they didn’t get to when they got married because they had my FH little sister. Uhhh.... too bad!!! Anyway, my FH ended the call after telling her he would think on it. He immediately told me that was absolutely not happening. They aren’t really close as it is, but I am shocked! What can my FH say to her? We need to tell her no and set boundaries. I just can’t believe she suggested having us take care of their young daughter, on OUR honeymoon!!

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Latest activity by Nikita, on April 29, 2019 at 10:41 AM

Super October 2020
Fmv · on April 3, 2019 at 4:45 PM
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Oh heck no!! I feel like her boundaries are very blurred. I would not be okay with this. Fh should tell her its not going to work that you want to go your honeymoon alone
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on April 3, 2019 at 4:48 PM
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Oh boy....sounds like everyone needs a vacay.....APART!
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on April 3, 2019 at 4:51 PM
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Your FH needs to be blunt “we will not be combining our honeymoon with any other family vacation/activities”. If he and you don’t set boundaries and stick to them now, this is going to be so much worse when your child is born.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on April 3, 2019 at 4:51 PM
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He just needs to be upfront & gently firm with her. Let her know that a family vacation sounds fun, and y'all would be open to planning one for a different time, but you will be taking your honeymoon alone. If she tries to argue, let her know that although you appreciate her opinions, this is not up for negotiation.
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Devoted September 2019
Martha · on April 3, 2019 at 4:54 PM
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Agreed, he needs to be blunt, and you two have completely valid points in this situation. I don’t think there is any way your fmil can justify her stance. I am shocked she would suggest that!! It’s your honeymoon.. and probably one of the last chances for a while you two can relax and spend time together alone before the baby (congrats btw!)
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Super May 2019
Victoria · on April 3, 2019 at 4:56 PM
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I agree he just needs to be completely honest now. I can’t believe some people!!!
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Devoted August 2019
Madison · on April 3, 2019 at 4:56 PM
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SO not appropriate. I think it's time to have a conversation about boundaries with your FMIL and FH. A honeymoon is supposed to be a time for you and your partner to spend time ALONE. I can't believe she would even ask to combine it with her birthday.
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Expert October 2019
Sara · on April 3, 2019 at 4:56 PM
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She sounds insane! Yeah if I were you I’d be pissed but maybe you can keep your whereabouts on your honeymoon top secret so there’s no way she’d crash your alone time with your husband? But id still be pissed. I think your fiancé needs to make it clear to her that this is not okay. It’s important to set boundaries early on so hopefully you guys can have a civil relationship. Side note but also sort of related, my grandparents live in FL and my fiancé has never been there so they graciously offered to let us honeymoon at their place.. 😂 nope!
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Dedicated September 2020
Rachel · on April 3, 2019 at 4:57 PM
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Put your foot down! And he should as well! Enjoy your wedding and honeymoon.
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Super March 2019
FutureStephD · on April 3, 2019 at 4:59 PM
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Yep, he just needs to say, mom, Heather and I are going on our honeymoon, to Florida, alone, in June. If you would like to do another trip with us at a different time we can discuss that (later).
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Lady · on April 3, 2019 at 5:01 PM
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Also, just make sure not to tell her your plans (where you're going, exactly when, etc) bc if she's really serious she may just book stuff and "surprise" you if she knows any details. Even if you and your FI tell her no.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on April 3, 2019 at 5:32 PM
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That is crazy. Your fiance needs to stand up to her, and tell her no. Telling a toxic person "I'll think about it" is basically caving and promoting their negative behavior.
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Devoted June 2020
Adrianna · on April 3, 2019 at 5:38 PM
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WHAT?! OMG, helllll no, LOL. You need to tell your FH to put his foot DOWN and tell his mom that is NOT gonna fly.
That's like my FMIL when my FH's brother was getting married a couple years ago. The bachelorette was in Vegas, and FMIL was going to go! Like what?! NO. Thank goodness she didn't end up going, but she was literally about to because she likes to gamble lol. I am also going Vegas for my bach, so if she even mentions going, I'm gonna be like um NO you're not!
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Savvy May 2019
Karson · on April 3, 2019 at 5:45 PM
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What the heck? Absolutely no way! Have him tell her nicely that perhaps down the road you all can do a combined trip together, but this is your honeymoon and you want it to just be you too. Be nice, but firm.
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VIP April 2018
JustKidding · on April 3, 2019 at 5:57 PM
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"No, you may not join un on your honeymoon"

Don't tell her your plans. If she gets ahold of your plans, change them if you are able.
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Expert May 2021
· on April 3, 2019 at 6:41 PM
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What?! Oh heck no! Since he told her he would think about it and is now going back to tell her firmly no I think he needs to find a way to let her know this is HIS decision. My mom knows no boundaries and dislikes my brothers wife because “it’s her fault they moved”. It’s not. Lol. When a MIL already has a dislike for the wife they like the place blame on the wife. She might see this as YOU not wanting her there but if you weren’t included her son would want her there. That’s literally everything with my brother. He doesn’t come at Christmas? It’s HER fault. He doesn’t call family on their birthdays? That’s HER fault. 🙄 It can’t possibly be that she’s overbearing and just hard to be around for extended periods of time. I also wouldn’t share details like where/when in case she takes it upon herself to crash it anyway. Sorry you’re going through this! Hopefully you and your husband have a great honeymoon.
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Savvy September 2019
Chelsea · on April 3, 2019 at 7:06 PM
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Oh heck no! He just needs to let her know that not only is she over stepping but how uncomfortable that would make your entire honeymoon!
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Super June 2019
Eamsee · on April 3, 2019 at 7:12 PM
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Good Lord... I would have him say something along the lines of "We both love you, but we want our honeymoon to be private between us and will be going on our honeymoon alone." There's no reason why she can't go on a trip somewhere else for her birthday. I wouldn't mention any details about the honeymoon and if she brings it up again, then that's when your fiancé needs to put his foot down. I personally think it is totally inappropriate and a tad bit weird that she would want to tag along on your honeymoon.
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Dedicated May 2019
Maybride2019 · on April 3, 2019 at 7:15 PM
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I dont understand why he told her he would think about it. Why not just be honest and up front? What is he affraid of?
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Just Said Yes June 2019
Heather · on April 3, 2019 at 7:17 PM
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This has been an ever growing issue in our relationship. He has not been good at setting boundaries with her. I told him he has to let his won’t work in the long run. My parents aren’t fabulous, but I set my boundaries with them and keep my space and limit my interaction. For the sake of our sanity and our relationship. She’s just the guilt you and make you feel like crap and manipulate you type of mom.
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