MIL upset her sister is not invited to our wedding

My mom has 4 siblings and my dad has 3. Half of them have adult families with children of their own. My MIL only has 1 sister who lives out of state so I guess she assumed that she was the exception to this rule.

Just found out this week that she is extremely offended her sister is not invited and wants us to invite her immediately. (Her reaction makes me want to say no on principle!). She also thinks her sister will be hurt and that everyone will think we are rude and she will not let it go.

My parents on the other hand are completely understanding and have already informed their siblings of our upcoming wedding and dropped a few well composed lines about how we are so delighted to let you know that our daughter is getting married...it's going to be very small and intimate and only immediate family will be there...we can't wait to catch up with you at a later time...blah blah blah. Maybe some will have a shock initially that they are not invited or maybe they will talk behind our backs but I really don't care. Our day and all. And we're the ones paying for everything.

Turns out MIL is not supportive of this decision at all. Even though she knew our intentions ahead of time and that neither sets of parents gets to invite anyone. Zero. She's really upset that we still don't want to invite her sister. I get that it's only one extra person ( her husband would most likely not come with her) but we don't want to budge. It would be easy to allow her this one extra person but it feels very controlling and I don' t like it.

Here's the kicker. My fiance does not even like that side of the family and thinks his aunt and uncle are self-centered and greedy. (So they probably will take it personally). Every time they visit, they fly in and stay with MIL and expect to be entertained. They won't stay at a hotel and will mostly just be annoying and get in the way. We don 't want to deal with them at all.

Give in and let MIL invite her sister? Or stand firm?

Advice on how to respond to her "it's only 1 extra person" and that "we're rude for not inviting family"

Stand firm. That seems super manipulative to me.

Stand firm. You're paying for your wedding so it's your call. Don't cave because FMIL is throwing a hissy fit

Let your FH deal with it. It's his mother and his aunt. If he doesn't want his aunt there, then that's his call. It sounds from your post that you're so pissed at your MIL for even asking that you'd say no regardless, so let him deal with her before she blames you for the exclusion.

Stand firm. Even if she offers to foot the bill, simply let her know (and I mean your FH should tell his own mother) very politely that the decision has been made and rehashing it is inappropriate.

Stand firm, because It's not just about one person being invited, but 7 who are not...which is not fair to them or your parents. Your wedding, your expense, your wishes.

Stand firm. Have FH tell his mom no and that the guest list has been finalized.

Stand firm. Its your day and you guys are paying. They'll get over it eventually. Let FH handle it and make sure he stands firm!

I agree with pp - you can tell her it would be unfair to other aunts and uncles to make an exception for her sister.

Stand firm. You don't want to start your marriage of letting your MIL butt into your decisions. We have also decided to have a small intimate wedding. Originally it was going to be bigger -80 people. Thankfully we didn't do STDs and have not sent invites out yet. We are only allowing immediate family and 5 of our mutual closest friends (they are like family. They are our gaming group & we spend every Sunday with them). We made that decision because my mom was being like your MIL. She kept telling us all these people we HAD to invite. Mind you, we are also paying 100% for our wedding. Explain to her that it would not be fair to all the other family members that also had to be excluded, and it would not be fair to you and FH to be bullied into inviting someone.

She may threaten that she will not attend if you don't invite her sister. You & FH need to be prepared for this & continue to stand your ground. If she skips her son's wedding on account of her sister not being invited, the rest of her family will look at her as a rude selfish asshole.

Your FH could always say, "Yes, it's just one person. But if we invited your sister, we'd have to invite all of her parents' siblings, too, and that would be a lot more than one person."

But I agree, the answer is no. And your FH should be the one to convey that answer.

Just say NO stand firm and unlike other people I personally would tell her point blank no if she asked me about it. yes been there done that with my first MIL she was exactly like this till I told her exactly how it would be done in MY life and like it or leave it there is the door. Guess what she saw I don't play with BS and she straightened up really fast. In fact they kept me in the divorce and not their son. So just stand firm and stand up to her.

Stand firm! Don't let mil run over you. She'll get over it

Definitely stand your ground on this one. she should not get to push you around.

Thanks everyone. I knew I wasn't crazy! FH is not looking forward to the hell his mother will give him, but we are both in agreement that his aunt is not invited. This is the first serious disagreement I've had with my FMIL so it's an awkward territory. She can be difficult at times, but I still want to have a good relationship with her. Just nervous for how she will react because I've never had to tell her off before. It was bound to happen sooner or later right? I don't think she's prepared for us to not back down on this, but I ultimately have no problem telling her that she is not in control of our wedding and if you don't like it, tough shit. I hope you will respect our decision and our guest list is not up for discussion. In the end, if she hates me for it, it only reflects badly on her in my opinion. I just hope it doesn't come to that.

Stick to what you want!

You're doing absolutely nothing wrong by restricting your guest list. And yes, though it's just one extra person, once you say yes to one it becomes easier to say yes to another because you already budged on one. And though your family should understand why they're not invited, if they found out FH's aunt was invited, your family might become offended wondering why she got invited and they didn't. It's easier to just stand your ground and have the small wedding you want with only the people you actually want there.

We hosted a little less than 100 guests and we didn't invite an uncle/aunt couple, from each side. Our parents don't even have their addresses. We made an easy rule that if we have to ask for their addresses, they weren't close enough to get an invitation.

I agree that FMIL is being super manipulative, but I would give both sides some thought as it may set the precedent for the rest of your relationship with her. How is FH's relationship with her? Do you see her often/plan to have her be involved in your children's lives, if you have them? My FMIL insisted that her nephew's stepdaughter be invited, and I initially was pissed off and taken aback by it, but my dad reminded me that refusing to add one person was not the hill I wanted my relationship with her to die on, especially since FMIL is not a demanding person in general. Conversely, if she has a history of being pushy and manipulative, it's probably best to stand firm, as PPs have said.

That's a sticky situation I would let my FH handle that. You don't want mother-in-law drama for years to come.