mil trying to take over our wedding

Sometimes showing is better than telling. Move forward because you own your wedding day. So do it your way. Be as hushed as possible and speak your mind respectfully. Just my thoughts

Tell her to make a list of everyone she wants to invite. Then you and your fiance decide who from that list gets an invitation first round. As people start to RSVP you can always send invitations in a second round to more people on her list. This is y'alls wedding not hers. Don't let yourself be bullied into inviting people you don't want to come

Is she helping to pay? no pay= no say.
Honestly, if she isn't paying, I would just stop talking to her about the wedding and you and your FS should make your guest list. Have your FS handle communication with their mother- and getting really good at saying a variant of "oh that's nice, we'll consider it" and then changing the subject when she tries to talk about the wedding to you.

If she is helping pay, then she gets a say in every decision. And, honestly, I'd decline her money and do the above.

View Quoted Comment No. You should never b-list. It's incredibly rude.

FH needs to talk to her and explain that it’s your wedding not hers. If she wants that many invites she has to contribute. If your wish is a certain amount of guests she has to accept it. I would stop discussing any wedding plans with her if that’s how she’s going to act

Have her give you a list. Then you go from there and send invites to the most important only. It's not her wedding. And sometimes you have to put your foot down no matter who it is. Taking charge now,will make for a better result later. Good luck.

You get to invite fifty people; he gets to invite fifty people. Unless she's paying, she gets to invite no one.

FH needs to handle his mom and tell her the two of you are planning and will make all decisions. You could give her a few spots on the guest list for who she wants to invite. Maybe 10? That's all she would get. Of course, FH would have already included his close family members on your master list.

Is she paying for any of it? If not, then just politely but firmly tell her that she can't invite anyone. I'm so sorry this is happening. If your FH is supporting you, then I would just have him explain to her and be done with it. You will make yourself sick with worry.

My FH's mother sent out invites before we even decided on date and place (we are destination wedding) and she emailed my FH saying, "these people won't be able to come if it's in the middle of the week" and he had to explain to her that she can't invite anyone because we have to keep the list small.

I'm sorry this is happening, weddings make people crazy.

Weddings seem to bring out the best in some and the worst in others. If she isn't helping pay, she has no say on the guest list. If she is, she gets some say, but I don't feel as though she gets the final say. That lies with you and your FH. If you want to keep your list around 100, start at 0 and add in circles. Immediate family for both sides (parents, siblings, grandparents), then aunts/uncles/cousins/, then friends and co-workers. Once you hit 100 people, stop. If she can't respect yo ur wishes and is not helping pay, then stop talking to her about it and tell her you and your FH have it covered. You two should be the one addressing and handling all invites so there is no chance of anyone trying to invite extra people.

We are capping our list at 130. Right now we have 138 on it, including ourselves, and the 2 photographers and dj that will be included in the head count for meals. Dont forget about that! So we have to cut 3 to 6 people. Luckily, this list includes plus ones, which will probably take care of itself, but we have a list of maybes with the 138 that we can decide to cut from at a later date.

Good luck!!

View Quoted Comment

Right. Just invite who you want to invite, don't create a 'B-list'. If your FMIL isn't paying, she gets no say as to who is invited. You're also allowed not to tell her who is invited, she doesn't need to know. If she gets angry about it that's her problem, not yours.

My FILs started out like this. We are inviting 144 and I have 10 people in my family going. We have 10 people in our party, then FHs family is about 47 people. We each invited two close friends not in our party and then left the list at that. At first they were going to invite allllll these people we don’t know. I was really bummed about it. Then FMIL said “let’s invite the so and so’s”. And FH was like “please don’t do that because I’m good friends with their son and I didn’t invite him”. His mom paused for a bit and asked why, and he straight up told her “because we left the rest of the list up to you since it was SO important to you and you’re paying for the a lot of the reception”. She asked us how many friends we had going and when we told her, she was dead quiet. A few days later she sent us a list of 4 couples and said, “it’s your wedding, please invite more of your friends and surround yourself with lots of love on your big day”. So it all worked out.

I am so sorry this is happening to you! My FMIL is trying to take over attire and has it in her mind to make everyone "match" the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Which... what's the point if my honored people don't get to stand out?

So I'm sure you've got the no pay means no say down by now. The best thing you can do is stop talking about the wedding entirely to her. Let things calm down. If she's paying, definitely take up the list idea others have given on here. Or just give her a new limit after you and your FH have selected the people you will invite from your family and friends from each side. If she is not paying, still do the list and choose who gets to come. She does not have the right to send invitations if she is not paying or is only contributing a small amount (like buying the cake).

Good luck!!!