MIL gave card to husband only/wore white to wedding/etc

I appreciate your comment, Acacia! That actually hits it on the head. It's simply going to be much less contact and much less.. "being nice". (I can't think of another way to put it. Nice things that aren't necessary, like staying at our house.. no more.) But we won't completely cut her out of our lives. I just needed to talk it out with people who are removed from the situation, I guess.

Don't say anything about the card.

I could see why a mother would want to give her son a special card to him only on his wedding day. The wearing white thing is definitely petty. It sounds like you don't have a great relationship with her to start, anyway. I don't see any reason to bring up these things with her but there is nothing wrong with putting a little bit of distance/space between you all if you and your FH aren't getting any benefit out of your relationship with his mom.

I don't see how any of this is a purposeful slight against you, Sarah. I don't get why you've decided to distance yourself from her.

I'd just brush it off. In the future if she crosses boundaries he needs to communicate with her and establish more appropriate boundaries. It's his mother so she will always be in his life.

Let it go. I know it's not easy but acting petty (not letting her stay with you when she visits etc) is not going to help with the situation.

So your done with your MIL because she gave your husband HER SON a wedding card and did not give you one? Really? That's ridiculous and childish! She's a mother and witnessing her son wedding what's the big deal.. so what you wasn't standing next to him.. she could have wanted the card to be private she has that right! She did just witness her son getting married!

The white dress that's something to laugh with your husband about not a huge deal and totally old fashioned rule! She have stolen, lied- that's still his mother he has to respect her in my opinion! Yes maybe she couldn't stay at house if she stole money etc until we were all there! I don't like the idea of a wife " we're done" with his mother- especially after a wedding!

I don't find it odd she gave him a card. That's his mother and that's her son. As for the not telling you part, two thoughts come to mind:

1) She did not have a gift for you, for whatever reason, and wanted to be discreet about giving him a gift.

2) She knew he'd tell you and did so just to stir the pot.

Moving on, the wearing of white is a non-issue. It's a silly rule. Also, you mention in your post that she told you of all other etiquette rules, which implicates, to me, that you weren't a big stickler on etiquette to begin with; thus meaning, your comment about her attire is irrelevant.

Also, I find it very, very odd that this instance alone is the one that has you reeling to cut her out of your life, especially because you've stated that she allegedly told lies about you, about you both as a couple, and that she stole from you.

If this is true, boundaries should have been established then, and not now. Her behavior at the wedding is minuscule compared to these things. I'm actually very surprised about the lack of inaction in regards to these things. I'm hoping something was done and you just didn't mention it to focus on her behavior at the wedding.

For this reason, I agree with OG Alecia, and feel there's more to the story.

You have all right to cut her out, but since it appears (based on what was posted) that no boundaries were established beforehand with the prior incidents, I feel your first step should be having your husband talk to his mother, try to get to the root of the problem, and establish boundaries.

When children are born they don't come with "how to" manuals. Your MIL may not win a "mother of the year" award but she is still his mother. Not sure if you have any children, but that is a sacred bond. I guess I'm old-school but I would never date/marry a guy who didn't love and cherish his mother. To me it's a sign of how he will treat me.I know there are exceptions but from what you have mentioned none would qualify in my book.

Let your husband handle his relationship with her and please don't add any drama with these petty grievances. This situation can easily snowball, feelings can be hurt and a mother-son relationship severed. And for what- a white dress and not receiving a card. Not worth it.

I just think you are walking a fine line. Was it not great...yup. Did it upset you...yes you came here to discuss and are hurt. I get the WE but she isn't your mother...HE needs to come to this decision. You don't want this to come back and bite you later!!