Memorial table..turned into an argument

If I was in your shoes, I would include her picture. It is your wedding, and honoring your loved ones that have passed is obviously important to you. Your uncle can get over himself and come to support you on your big day, or he can choose to let something this simple get between the two of you. I don't think that it is fair of him to give you an ultimatum like that. Especially considering she just passed, and his first reaction was to call you and tell you that? That is selfish and really odd, thinking about it. I am sorry for your loss, and I get wanting to include those that you've lost! I will be as well, although we aren't using pictures on a table. I actually found charms that you add pictures to and you tie around your bouquet on Etsy that I am using, and as a suprise gift to my FH, I am ordering him custom cuff links off Etsy with his father's picture (he passed away years ago). That actually might be a good gift for you to get your soon to be spouse to! I hope it all works out!

Cufflinks: https://www.etsy.com/search?q=memorial%20cuff%20links

Bouquet Charms: https://www.etsy.com/listing/399703047/walk-me-down-the-aisle-wedding-jewelry?ref=yr_purchases

This is a tough one. What kind of relationship did YOU have with your great-grandmother? Whose relationship means more to you? If she was very special to you, then put her picture on the table and don't bring it up again to your uncle. If your uncle is more important... I don't agree with the ultimatum he is laying down, but sometimes we sacrifice for those we love. If it's important to you for your uncle to be there, perhaps leave her off the table and find a different way to honor her. Do you have a bracelet or something of hers you can wear that day?

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Oh my gosh I love that idea about the cuff links! I may have to do that. My uncle has always been this way I guess, somewhat selfish. At one point I didn't talk to him for about 8 months because he called me a witch (with B). I know I was super surprised he called me so fast about this. My FH also doesn't care for my uncle; but gets along with him the best he can. Actually to be honest my dad doesn't particularly care for my uncle either (my uncle would be my dad's brother in law). This is important to me so I will be putting the picture up, if he doesn't come just the way it is.

Wow, so rude.

I agree with PP. Do what you want. Uncle can get over himself. You don't have to tell him anything. This is your wedding, and you'll honor whomever you want to honor. You don't need his permission. And if he is going to be that petty, to threaten to not attend your wedding, over a picture, BYE FELICIA!!

I don't care for threats, or ultimatums. Don't let this get you down!!

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They both mean a lot to me. I will admit I haven't seen my great grandma in about a month and a half she had really bad dementia and it was easier for her if was just her husband and care givers around to help. I would do a bracelet but I guess you could say I have child like wrists so no bracelet really fits me ever and I wasn't going to wear one because I have a hard time finding things to fit.

Yikes. Sounds like your uncle is rather selfish. If you don't even know if you'd care for him to come, I think that is the answer. You may honor your family in any way you want to. As stated above, you can choose to honor her in a different way. But I think if I were your family member and I came and saw the table knowing your great grandma just passed, I'd probably be wondering where her picture is. This is totally up to you and 100% your decision. Which relationship means/meant more?

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Wow! I knew about the bouquet charms. I didn't know cuff links were also available. Thanks for sharing this link!!! FH is going to love this!

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Oh thank you this just made me laugh! He is always petty and throws a tantrum if he doesn't get his way. I need to remember this is mine and my FH's wedding not about who gets who's way!

View Quoted Comment I would leave it be for now since you have so much time left before your wedding. Since they both mean a lot to you, then plan to use her photo and not mention anything about a memorial table going forward to your uncle. With any luck he'll forget about it by the time your wedding rolls around.

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He is kind of is. I have a feeling he will be a source of drama no matter which choice I make. I completely agree, it would be weird to have my family members pictures up but not hers. It would feel like something is missing.

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I hope he will forget about it. I'm surprised he was even paying attention when it got brought up during a family get together. I kind of thought he was passed out drunk when we were talking about it.

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Of course! I am so glad I found them as I know my FH is going to love it!

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Yes I looked at the links they are perfect! I am going to message my FH's aunt tonight about sending me a picture of his mom so I can purchase some for him! Thank you so much!

I mean not the same situation. But my future mother in law said that if we invite my FH's father and grandparents to the wedding she wouldn't come.

We told her it was our wedding day and we would invite whoever we wanted and she could not dictate who was attending and if she wanted to start anything about it we would gladly escort her out.

The same would go for this. You can honor the memory of your great grandmother if you wish and if he is really going to be that petty then he can take note of how to show himself out.

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I think my dad would love to escort my uncle out if he started anything to be honest. Good for you guys for putting your foot down. I think I will put my foot down on this one, if he doesn't like it he can leave.

This just happened, emotions are running high. Don’t take any actions and react to his statement yet. You wedding is over a year a way and you’ve got plenty of time to make this decision. Chances are was this initial wave of emotion passes he’ll forget about it. He he still fills this way in a year you can make a decision about what you want to do then.

my sympathies for your loss

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I think you should honor her memory and have her photo with all of the other loved ones.

I seen this at one wedding an I loved the idea of doing it and if I was going to honor one I would want to give them all the chance to have a special moment of silence while their photograph/memory was being admired.

You do whatever you feel is right. Don't let his opinion hinder what you ultimately want to do!

Your uncle understandably has animosity towards your great-grandmother. However, it's not right to give you an ultimatum like that. Have your great-grandmother's picture displayed if you truly want to do so. I hope you make the best decision for you

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You are completely correct, I do have time before making any final decisions. I think I was more surprised and shocked that this is what he decided to bring up today. Thank you I appreciate it.