Masks During Ceremony

I agree with others here. Ask her to step down if she’s not comfortable staying in the cabin. It’s own thing to police herself, it she can’t police everyone else. Good luck, I know it’s frustrating. I’m dealing with something similar with my sister, but just had to go with the flow and realize she’s masking it the whole time.

I'm sorry, unfortunately this is the burden of having a wedding during the pandemic. At the end of the day your friends safety and comfort is most important. We are doing our big wedding next year, because there was a lot of things I wasn't okay with compromising on and knew I'd have to if I didn't postpone. I really am sorry planning and having a wedding during this pandemic isn't easy. I will say at least she is comfortable with going to the wedding - I would just let her do what she is happy with doing.

I didn't want pictures where everyone was wearing masks, but my solution was not to make my bridal party go mask-less. My solution was rescheduling my formal wedding to next year in hopes that we can safely go mask-less in pictures and I can have my formal unmasked pictures. Safety should take priority over how pictures will look. These are very hard times, and as a fellow 2020 bride I get it, but this is not the time to ask people to go without masks or to compromise their safety in any way. One thing to consider is maybe getting some formals at your wedding and if you feel strongly about it, getting new formals next year (or whenever this clears up) where they can safely go mask-less.

I'm with her on asking people to wear masks in the cabin. I personally would be SO uncomfortable around people inside and unmasked. Outside is one thing, but by not distancing, not masking, and not being outside, that is a HIGH risk situation. At that point, you've really got to hope and pray that no one in that cabin has it. She should not have to step down or be left out of the cabin festivities. That seems very unfair.

I urge you to reconsider. Safety is critical, especially in the midst of a global pandemic. It unfortunate but true: 2020 brides have to give up certain ideals, and this should probably be one of them.

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But if she's uncomfortable being around unmasked people, then it's her choice to not stay in the cabin. It's her choice to wear a mask herself. It's not her choice to tell other people they have to wear a mask.

I only read the first page of the responses so I see you already have a lot of advice. I really agree firstly, that of course we must respect everyone and especially ours friends' and family's levels of comfort with their own health. I also agree with suggestions of finding other accommodation for her, as you can't force either way on anyone. During various levels of risk in my current location, I've felt quite sensitive about safety at times, so I can imagine her feelings. But then if all your guests are local and your cases are that minimal, I also 100% understand your feelings.

One thing that wasn't mentioned is the possibility of being honest with her about placement. If it was my wedding, I'd let her know that she will be placed on the end of photos and lineup in the ceremony. That this is not a reflection on your relationship, but just a matter of preserving memories. This way, she can still have memories herself by participating in the photos, AND you have the chance to say "I don't want memories of the pandemic" and tactfully crop her out OR "hey actually the mask isn't that horrible, I'll keep it"!

Just a thought, because I can't imagine forcing one of my closest friends or family out of the bridal party over this or fighting over it. I think this may be a fair compromise with photos.

View Quoted Comment My suggestion of photoshop is a little buried still but could be a good way to make a non-mask photo if needed! Your photographer should be able to do it without it looking super obvious as long as her solo photo Is taken in similar lighting.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, maybe! I know professionals who use photoshop and replacing a whole lower face in multiple photos could still be difficult. I'd clarify that with the photographer about their skill level in photoshop, but they probably still wouldn't guarantee anything due to lighting and angles.

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Thank you! 10 out of 300 is a lot! I hope the rest of your guests wear masks.

I think the bridesmaid should be able to wear her mask during a pandemic, it's not ideal, but with the right photographer, it can be edited out.

I honestly feel if she can’t or refuses to do something that you want for your wedding then she can step down. We are funding our wedding so I feel like if I’m paying for it, I would be upset if someone wanted to make it harder for me. This day is about you and your future husband. Remember that. It might sound cold but sometimes the truth hurts.

I would definitely not consider you unreasonable. You want your wedding to be as normal as it can be, and not have someone in your pictures wearing a mask - I TOTALLY get that. Which is why we postponed our big wedding. But, if she wants to wear it I would let her. I think it's reasonable for her to request others wear masks too, because it is a risk.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Although I suppose if your bridal party are just props for your wedding and pictures and not actually the most special people in your life then not so unreasonable.

Honestly, at the end of the day, it’s your day. You have to look at the pictures for the rest of your life. Ask yourself this question: Would it be worse to have her in the photos with a mask or have the photos mask free and not have her in them? Personally speaking I would tell her that if she feels uncomfortable with my requests as it is my day then she doesn’t need to participate in the wedding and can transition to a normal guest. In my opinion, it’s not your job to be accommodating.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/18/us/covid-outbreak-maine-wedding-reception-trnd/index.html

So far, 24 of 65 guests at a wedding in Maine (a state with relatively low infection rates...) tested positive for Covid-19 following the wedding.... As much as a couple might not like be reminded in the future of this terrible time by mask-wearing friends in their wedding pictures, they probably also would not want to look at those pictures and think about friends who were infected, or possibly worse, at their wedding either.... Personally, I think it is completely unreasonable to ask people to NOT follow basic health guidelines -- especially for the sake of "good pictures."

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with this. Sometimes you just got to put your foot down especially when it is your wedding that you are paying a lot of money for. If anyone of my bridesmaids makes my wedding more stressful and harder on me, then I hate to sound harsh but they will get the boot regardless of how close we are. I'm not going to be dealing with the stress of planning a wedding and then the stress from my bridal party on top of that.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you. It's her special day and she doesn't need to accommodate anyone. If she doesn't want masks at the ceremony or formal pictures and this person refuses to take the mask off then she needs to step down. After all it's not her wedding and she isn't paying for it. If it was her special day I'm sure she would have the same feelings. People can be hypocrites at times because I feel like people who think the bride should accommodated the look of their wedding for them probably wouldn't accommodate someone at their own wedding if they wanted their wedding to look a certain way.

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I agree with this. It's really sad and disturbing to see so many people who prioritize pictures and the look of one day over people's health and their relationships with the people who are supposedly closest to them.

This is a very tricky situation to be in.... If she's more comfortable wearing a mask, you shouldn't really try to tell her otherwise. Everyone does have a different opinion or comfort level when it comes to the virus and that needs to be respected. I completely understand you not wanting the masks in photos... but, it's not right to ask her to take hers off if she's just not comfortable with it. As others have suggested, i would recommend you photoshop the mask out if she is adamant about wearing it. Or maybe try to have some photos where you won't see her face.. like a photo of you and your bridesmaids holding your flowers behind their backs, or one where you're walking and she's kind of in the back so you can't see her face. With that being said, I also think she can't request you all wear your masks the same as you can't request her not wear one. If she's not comfortable staying in the house with all of you, while you're not wearing a mask, then I'd recommend she stay somewhere else. I can say I'd want photos without masks too... but I get that some people are more concerned or at risk than others and want to wear masks around others.

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I'm SO glad you shared this here. I read this article and was thinking about recent threads like this. Family gatherings are the events that are currently driving up infection rates in small communities. Pictures are not more important than people!

This whole situation sucks, honestly. I hate the thought of everyone wearing a mask at my wedding and I previously said that if it was going to mandatory to do so then I would postpone. But now I’ve realized that none of it matters, the day is about me and my FH and all the little inconveniences may be stressful and it may not look the way we imagined but the important thing is that we are getting married and we did not have to cancel our wedding. If it were me personally, I would just let her wear the mask. I agree, I don’t want to look back at my photos and have to remember the disaster that is 2020. But honestly when you look at your photos you’ll probably be more interested in the ones of you and your FH rather than the whole party. As far as the cabin, I would just tell her that if she does not feel comfortable getting ready in the same area as the other girls without them wearing masks, then maybe she could get ready somewhere else? Good luck!

Honestly and im sure people will have something to say as usual about this but i would tell her thats fine if u want to wear the mask but u cant be in the ceremony or photos then. obviously yes the virus is serious and health is important blah blah blah but lets not forget this is a once in a lifetime event for u. i would not want my ceremony photos ruined for eternity