Marrying Young

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ALL. OF. THIS!!!

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I think Gen made some great points. That being said, I'm getting married young as well. My fiance and I are both 22 and will be almost 23 on our wedding day. I think the fact that we are both the same age is why we are both doing so well right now. I dated someone from 14-16 (so 2+ years) who was 2 years older than me and I would have told you with all of the confidence in the world that he was the person I was going to marry but in reality, the 2 year age difference between us was a huge problem. He turned 18 and graduated when I was only going to start my junior year of highschool. He was becoming an adult and I wasn't quite there yet.

Age difference isn't always a problem. My parents are ten years apart but my mom was 25 when she met him. If she would have been 15 they would have had nothing in common. (plus, it would have been gross.) The few Psychology classes I have taken have all taught me that most experts agree that our brains aren't fully developed until we are 25; which is why even I am told that I am "too young." Now, obviously that hasn't stopped me from marrying my highschool sweetheart of nearly five years but there are so many things that you have to consider. If we didn't have good jobs and financial stability I wouldn't even be considering it.

Another thing I wouldn't have realized was so important are the conversations my fiance and I have had (and continue to have) about where we want to be in 1, 5, 10 years, etc, how we want to raise our children, what a big role we want God to play in our child's life, etc.

There are just so many things that people don't realize you should discuss prior to marrying someone at any age. I just realize now that I didn't consider these things as recently as a few years ago, at eighteen years old.

Another thing I already touched on a little but didn't directly address is that it sounds like you are seventeen and he is 22. I am 22 and I can't imagine dating someone who is seventeen/ still in highschool. My sibling is that age and my parents would be devastated and disgusted because, while you are close to legally being an adult, you aren't right now. None of the things that are becoming more and more important to me at this point of my life are important to my sibling. I am not exaggerating when I say that you are going to change significantly between right now and the time you are your fiance's age...

I don't know you, so I don't know your life story and don't know how mature you are. See I was 19 when I got engaged to a 30 year old man, yeah you can imagine most people reaction. I came from a terrible family situation. My dad died, my mom had bipolar she knew about and never treated, developed Alzheimer's when I was 12 so I was her caregiver for so many years, have struggled with depression, anxiety and you know int the end, I look back and I realized it matured me. I was an adult my whole life and imagine at 22 I won't be much different. It was just meant that way. But I'm happy I'm here because I found a beautiful house, a good future and man who helps me with my many, many problems. That's why I say yes when I was 19.

I'm not telling you this for pity, what I'm trying to say is most people will never know what made us who we are and encourages our decisions. They judge us on our age. You might be one of the most maturest 17 year olds to ever exist and marriage is something you could handle. I don't know. Do I really agree with your situation? No, I think you should wait and figure out a few things about yourself (I know hypocritical of me hehe!) but I don't know you. Like I said we judge on what little we know and age.

For your family, it's a band aid you have to rip off. They do have a right to know and share their opinions and disapproval and listen to it and put yourself in their shoes. They might even help you. Whether or not they accept it is up to them. They have a year or so to figure it out.

I dated a guy for 7 years. We started dating when I was 17/18 and he was 19/20. We both changed SO much during that time. We were long distance for the most of it. Our demise was living together. We couldn't do it. We couldn't make it work. Seeing someone on the weekends isn't the same as being together all the time by any, any means. Stressing over bills, stressing over children (he had one at the time), stressing over life in general.

I understand the two of you are having a child together. He is planning on moving closer so you two can live together and raise the child? Are you planning on moving to him? I would for sure want to live with the father of my child for us both to help and raise the child. That's a good time to get used to living with someone else as well. I mean, the baby may make it more stressful, but that was the choice to have a child together. If you're having a child already without being married, what's the rush to be married? (I'm not against kids before marriage, just saying, what's the rush?)

College can be stressful, especially once you get a few years in. Raising kids is stressful. Living together with someone when you're used to living alone is stressful. There's no rush to be married. I'd focus on going to college and finishing as well as giving your child the best life you can. Live together. See if you can make it work. Give it time. Give yourself time to become an adult. Give yourself time to save money for a wedding.

My first marriage I was 19 and my exhusband was 22. We stayed married for 15 years. We only got divorced because some terrible life changing things happened with our kids along with my mom dying 2 days later. I just couldn't do "it" anymore so I left. People thought it was crazy for us to get married so young then people thought it was crazy when I left. My point, people are always going to have something to say. No one else's opinion matters. If you and your FH love each other and want to be together f*** what everyone else thinks!

You will have ups and down like any marriage, young or old but you work through it and be there for each other. I am happily engaged now and will be married in exactly 5 months. Good luck!

Oh the things I was ****% sure about when I was 17.... Ill just leave it at that
I believe in divorce so sure go ahead get married, you can always call it quits if it doesn't work out. If you do not believe in divorce id wait
W that said... Being in late teens and twenties is so much fun without certain burdens marriage and adulthood bring. I just cant comprehend why someone would chance it. Not saying you will but once kids mortgages bills careers determination of who you are in life and who you want to be start settling in... Well...good luck!

View Quoted Comment Wait a minute...
In your first post you said your family disapproves of you marrying your boyfriend & you’re wondering if you should even tell them you’re getting married.
Then you said that you never had both parents & that your guardians don’t care about you.
Then you said that your parents adore your boyfriend & that they are super excited about you getting married & your mom is telling other people (so they already know you’re getting married)?
Can you please clarify what exactly is going on, because your posts are contradictory & it seems like there are a lot of things going on here?

I'm 22 and hes 26. Age doesn't matter if your an adult

I’m marrying the man I’ve been with for seven years. We are now both 22. We started dating our freshman year of high school. Even though I would have loved to get engaged at 18, I still knew that it was too early for us. We had to get our lives in order and both go to college and what not. If you feel that you are prepared for your life and have everything mapped out, I’d say go for it. I always hated it when people would judge young love like it wasn’t the “real” thing. If you feel like he is the one, follow your heart. Just make sure you have your lives figured out and are making mature decisions!

I thought I was going to marry the guy I was with when I was 17 - we were talking about kids and everything already and had a whole a** plan and there was nothing anyone could’ve said to change my mind —thank the LORD that didn’t work out!!! Here I am at 23 marrying the ACTUAL love of my life. My mom got married at 18 and regrets it now after 2 kids and a divorce — Only you know in your heart if it’s what you should be doing or not, but I feel like the fact you even made this post in the first place is hinting towards the fact that you might not be ready. If he truly is the one then you should invite your family regardless of what they think - it will be nice for them and you to look back on the memories in the future if things do work out in the long run.

I'm also getting married at 19, getting married in June. My fiance is 41. If it's love it's love Hun. Don't worry about what people think!

View Quoted Comment And that's all that matters! You don't have to explain yourself to ANYONE! I love how everyone can give advice and not fully know a situation. People always have something negative to say. If you are down for him and he is down for you, do you! And if you choose to get married without telling anyone, that is your business too. NO ONE has the right to judge you and you don't need to explain or be forgiven by anyone! I wish you nothing but happiness. Remember, everyone is different. All these people saying you can change and he might not be good for you later. That is just opinion and opinions are like assholes! I was 19 when I got married to my exhusband and I stayed married and my feelings or heart never changed so everyone is different. And I only divorced him after 15 years of marriage because we had 4 kids something very tragic happened and then my mom passed away 2 days later. That doesn't mean you will change or your feelings for him will or you will get divorced. Good luck!

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I just don't want to lose the connection between them because they don't approve. My birth parents love him but my god mama has my utmost respect and I want her there but she doesn't like him that much but then again she hasn't even met him. She thinks I changed for him when in reality I just quit caring about being this perfect person my family wants and I started being myself.

I dated the same guy (he was two years older than me) from 15-22, we got engaged when I was 17, and I spent my entire college life wrapped up with him. When we got engaged and then all through college, I KNEW I wanted to marry him and no one was going to tell me otherwise. My parents just asked that we wait until I graduate. They didn’t want me to marry him, didn’t like that I chose my college so I wasn’t far from him, but they didn’t change my mind. I knew he was the one for me.

About a year after college, I wasn’t happy. I wanted to live, to experience life being single. I knew I’d regret it if I got married without just learning to be independent. So we split and moved to different towns. We decided if it’s meant to be, it will be. He’s now married to the first girl he dated after me (who he also worked with while we were together.... awkward) and I am engaged to an AMAZING man. I never would have met him if I had followed through with my 17 year old self’s decision and heart.

People change. People grow. Especially in their twenties and in college. You can grow together or grow apart.

I would heed your family’s advice. I thought my mom was just mad I wasn’t living the life she wanted for me, but now I know she just wants the best for me and could see the path I was going down wasn’t what I deserved.

View Quoted Comment Yes I’m confused as well.

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This. Your posts are contradicting. Also, I don't see the rush of getting married. For me, a ton of things changed between when I was 14 years old to now (23). I started dating my first love when I was 14. He was 3 years older than me. He was great, but THANK GOD I didn't marry him. I didn't really start realizing who I was as an individual until about a year ago. I think you have to grow on your own before diving into such a huge commitment.

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Yes my family I was raised with doesn't approve of me marrying him. My birth family does like him. but they aren't really the problem. yes my dad taught him and yes my birth mom loves him. but I want the approval from my god mother and the rest of my family. I want her and my sister to approve of me marrying him.

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Girl live your life!! I hope your wedding goes wonderfully

View Quoted Comment So you were 14 when you met and 15 when you started dating? That made him 19 when you met and 20 when you started dating?
Yes as a mother of two 18 year olds one of who is a girl and a 16 year old. I would have had an all out fit if a man of age 19 was talking to my 14 year old and then started dating her at 15! (My 16 year old is also graduating this year and he will still be 16 at graduation, he is moving out and joining the military at 17 and i would still freak if he dated a women who is 22)
there are big flags there for me. I am not against age differences trust me my FH is 15 years older than me, but we’re both older and have older kids and don’t have “growing up” to still do.
Being a teen mom is hard, adding school and work on it all I would tell you to wait, get out of college. But if you don’t, it’s your life, I would tell them you love them and want them to support you even if they don’t agree.

Well, you are having a baby - marriage is easier than being a parent and not as permanent - might as well pile it all up!