Married for 2 months feeling blah?

No counselor would think you are a joke of a couple. So don't worry about that! Seeking professional help is a great option, even if it's one session to promote better communication & intimacy. I also know there are some books online & websites that can help if you don't want to just right into counseling. I would talk to your fiance about how you are feeling in a productive way, and figure out what a good game plan is to improve your marriage.

Don't be embarrassed to get counseling, either as a couple or individually. There is really nothing you can say that would surprise a counselor, they have years of training to be prepared for anything. It's better to start now and get on the other side of things, than to wait until you absolutely can't see eye to eye.

I totally agree with the ladies definitely get counseling for whatever the issue may be

I think a counselor is a great idea!!!

I am curious did you live together before marriage?

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No We didn't live together before.

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Thank you I will put pride down and contact counsler. Thanks for response!

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Great! Plenty of people go to counseling that are doing totally fine. Nothing wrong with taking measures to make sure you both are happy!

View Quoted Comment Could part of the problem be learning how to live together and communicate as a married couple? Moving in with someone is a very hard thing and a major life change! I still definitely recommend counseling, but I think maybe you have to have a frank conversation with your hubby about this! Also if he won't agree to go to counseling with you then maybe you could go on your own, and have someone listen to you, and help you through your half of the problems!

Thanks! Def the issue big communication and we both are stubborn. WIll do!

Ugh, we've been married almost 7 months and have had a LOT of stupid fights. A few nights he slept on the sofa. The arguments ranged from little to HUGE, to me almost packing up and spending Thanksgiving elsewhere.

Every other married couple we know has said the first year is the HARDEST. They are right! Tell him how you feel and ask how you both can resolve those issues. These changes are hard but we set some ground rules (like dinner only 2x a week with his family who lives downstairs, no cellphones during dinner/tv, always greet each other when we get home, etc.).

I really hope things change for you! But I know how you feel, and I also considered counseling. Last week. Lol. It DOES feel really embarrassing and hard to discuss.

I think you should bring this up to your husband. Let him know that you feel a disconnect. Is the a reason he is sleeping in another room? I find that strange sleeping in another room for an entire month for no reason. It can be he is adjusting to living together. But I think communicating is key and if you can’t communivate well you should definitely seek counseling.

Maybe an honest, "Is everything ok? It seems odd to me we don't hang out as much and that you've been sleeping on the couch. I know I have been...." maybe share why you haven't been doing the things you used to and why. Maybe that'll open the door to communication.

We lived together before we got married and the 1st year of living together was the hardest! Several major blow-outs. Almost moved out a few times. Ugh. If you're living together for the first time, this may be the "getting to know you" part. All is not lost! You're doing great by reaching out.

My husband and I have been married for 5 months tomorrow. We didn’t live together before. We have had several major disagreements. I’m a psychologist, which makes me think I should be able to get us through this. I’m not sure that’s true any more.
Living together for the first time is a HUGE adjustment. Dealing with the division of chores, money, kids (we are both on our second marriage so we have three total that are all with us full time), our parents, and now the holidays is about to drive us both over the edge. I resent how much he spends time on video games when he didn’t before. He missed us being intimate as often as we were when dating. Heck, I miss actual dating. We don’t go places any more becaise money is tight due to buying our current house and keeping my old house as a rental. It’s totally ok to realize things have changed and the differences cause problems. If you and he can have an honest conversation about what you miss and what you want things to look like, that would be great. If a counselor is needed to help that conversation start and stay productive, get one. If he’s not willing to go, then go on your own to clarify what you do and don’t want so that there’s no ambiguity when he’s ready to talk. Men aren’t the keepers of emotions. They don’t usually handle deep emotion well. They retreat to another activity or another room becaise they often have no idea what to do with a strong feeling or how to communicate it- even how to start the conversation. They need us to show feeling in a non threatening way so they are safe to feel it too. At least that’s my theory. When I melt and actually show emotion without attacking him, He can show me his love and frustration and we have a good conversation. But I have to go first. Every single time.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I pray things will get better. If you haven't have a heart to heart with your husband, you need to be real honest about how you're feeling. As mentioned by others, if possible get professional help. I wish you the best.

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This! There is definitely an adjustment period when moving in together. When we moved in together full time it was definitely a big change from spending nights at each others places. Maybe suggest going out for a date night and talk about things and your new life together. If you'd like more spark in your sex life have you tried initiating that? If you know he's making dinner maybe ask him what he's making for the two of you cause it smells amazing and that sort of thing. Men can be pretty clueless honestly and need guidance.

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Men can be pretty clueless honestly and need guidance.

So true. Plus, we all have our own communication style. My guy is super emotional and shares way too much. lol. I get quiet and keep everything in. It took us a while to get used to each other's styles and work it out (it took me a while to explain when I'm upset I'll get quiet, and if he yells, I'm going to retreat even more. I need him to calm down, hug me, and coax me into talking not yell at me.)

I don’t want to be in ur business. but was that disagreement that bad that impacted ur marriage like that? I think that with the help of a professional u guys could get pass what ever it is.

I got married 2 months ago and we didn't live together before. Things are OK, but definitely different. There are a lot of things we've had to adjust to like sleeping schedules, snoring, etc. And we've tried to compromise to make things better, like keeping the fan on to keep the room cooler and having some noise in the room. One night I was so unconfortable I moved to the couch and he was so upset and we talked about not wanting that to be a pattern of an easy way out.

We did do premarital counciling and I think that helped on communicating now. I'm also recognizing that stress, especially work stress plays a big deal with how we interact. He can get very short and when I ask what's that about, he's tired. And likewise I have had a rough spot and haven't been able to sleep. So we're working on that. Also, I feel weird going to the gym in the evenings, like we should be home together or I'm subconsciously using him as an excuse.. But I think that affects my mood and feeling sluggish etc.

Another thing is I've asked him if married life is what he expected and we will talk about expectations and reality. Another thing I'd like to do after the holidays settle is to plan concerts or movies or things to look forward to.

I hope this helps. I know it's more about what I'm going through, but no you're not strange. Have the courage to address it and best of luck to you.

If it makes you feel any better, I've been married 1.5 months now, and husband & I experienced a fairly tense few weeks. His parents have been disrespectful toward me and even him for the past 4 years we've been together, and our wedding day was just the tip of the iceberg with the way they behaved. I spoke up and told my husband how awful they were and how I have no interest in seeing them any time soon. This of course, immediately caused some tension. More things happened with his parents and after an unsuccessful attempt to talk with his parents (he spoke with them over the Thanksgiving holiday; I was not there). I decided to take things upon myself and write them a letter, explaining how their actions affected me, their son, and now our relationship. I told them how hurt I was and how unforgivable their actions were, and that if they don't see me for a while, now they'll understand why. This just caused a week of tension, disconnection, and anger between my husband and I.

FINALLY, we sat down and had an uncomfortable conversation about the issue at hand. He yelled for almost an hour, I sat quietly and listened, then I calmly explained myself, my letter to his parents, and how they've made me feel these past 4 years. Thankfully, he understood my feelings and apologized for not having my back, because his parents were acting unacceptably. In the end, my husband and I feel closer than ever now. It sucked having weeks of disconnection and an evening full of fighting (our first massive fight ever), but it all worked out because we both opened up and communicated. So my advice to you, no matter how difficult, awkward, or scary it may be for you and your husband, I think the best thing you can do is set up a time soon where you can both sit down and talk (or even yell) your way through this. But sleeping in separate rooms and continuing this disconnection is just not good.

Sending lots of well wishes & hugs your way! You'll get through this

By all these posts, please know that you are NOT a joke. Counseling would be a good idea. Have you tried to talk to him first though? Maybe he's feeling the same from you and neither one of you know how the other is feeling...