Okay, so this may be a bit confusing but I need some opinions (please kind ones only).
I met my partner almost nine years ago. We have been together for 8 of them.
We were 19 and 20 and we became really good friends. At the time we had both gotten out of rough relationships and we wanted to take it slow. However, there was also a very intense attraction to each other almost immediately.
Less than a year into our "friendship" I became pregnant. Which was a huge shock to both of us as I have PCOS and was told as a young teen that I would either not be able to have children or it would be EXTREMELY difficult for me to. I was also on birth control only to assist with my excruciatingly painful periods.
Neither of us had ever planned to have children, we were both of the mindset that if we ever did (and not necessarily as a couple) it would be when we were in our late 30's.
I only wanted to adopt as I have/had a phobia of foreign things being in my body.
Neither one of us believe in abortion (unless under specific circumstances) so that was totally out. Plus it was my responsibility and I meant to stand by it.
Fast forward a few years into the future and we have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl.
Now I'll get to the reason behind my post.
Back in 2014 we were really struggling with figuring out what to do with our lives and how to provide the best possible lives for our children, I had served in the Navy until I was injured so he had the idea to join.
If only to provide for us.
Here comes the issue.
Due to the Military's rules he wasn't allowed to join despite his exceptionally high ASVAB score.
Reason? Because he was unmarried and had two children. They viewed it as family abandonment.
So despite my immense reservations ( not because I didn't love him but because I had a vision ever since I was a little girl of big romantic proposal and a dream wedding) we sat down and very coldly decided to marry just so he could get in.
We decided to go to a courthouse and do it as generically and as unromantic as possible.
We didn't tell our parents, we didn't tell anyone. I barely even remember the date it occurred. We didn't dress up I wore jeans and a winter jacket and same for him. I despised doing it but he reassured me that it was only a strategic business move and nothing more and one day we would do the whole thing.
Now let's move to the present.
He never joined.
We both made the decision to go back to school.
We even considered getting a "divorce" to erase the marriage completely.
We are coming up on our ten year "dating" anniversary and I want a real wedding.
I want a proposal
A bridal shower
The whole thing because I never got to have it.
I didn't think I would care, I was never the type of woman to be bothered by that sort of thing, but I am almost thirty now and I still refer to him as my boyfriend whilst my parents and his parents AGAINST our wishes call us husband and wife.
Every time I think about the fact that I never had a wedding I feel utterly devastated. Attending others weddings literally breaks my heart.
I love weddings and I am an extremely empathetic person, I am that girl that always cries at weddings out of sheer joy for the bride and groom.
However, that has been tainted, now whilst I am thrilled for them, it is tinged with jealousy and hurt, and embarrassment.
My father is getting old, he is almost 70 will be next month and I can't stand the thought of him never walking me down the aisle or seeing me get married, (God, I'm crying now as I write this.)
I don't know what to do. Is it unseemly for me to do have the whole nine yards?
The shower, the Bachelorette party?
I want to do it but in reality I'm not a bachelorette and I don't feel like my family would respect my wishes to view it as such or if they would even participate in it.
I literally fought with my parents over them calling him my husband, and his parents are a super strict holiness pentacostal pastor and wife and wouldn't respect it either.
I could really use some advice...
