Married Before Wedding After

@charlene I'm with @Celia on this one. I guess I see the legal marriage paperwork as a complete separate act than the celebration and ceremony of a wedding. I am legally married for health reasons since November but we didn't have any type of ceremony or court house. In CA you pick up paperwork at the clerks office and fill it out and an officiant just signs it. There was no ceremony involved. Therefore my hubby and I are still planning a wedding with the ritual of walking down the aisle and reciting vows. None of which we've done before. It's not a secret because our family knows that we are legally married. We are having a small wedding and inviting only people who have directly been involved with both of us in some way.

Maybe the folks in the opposite camp are envisioning the act of going down to city hall and standing before a judge or witnesses or whoever in a chapel. Do they realize it's just the paper you are signing and there is no ceremony involved? Jeez I was in my PJs, in my friends kitchen who signed as our witness! I guess that means that's my wedding and I'm not allowed to have another one according to some folks! I guess can't call my May ceremony and reception a wedding . Hopefully the wedding police don't catch me! Go walk down that aisle and kiss your groom!

Thank you! Maybe there's some "ceremony" in other states. But in MA it was just okay sign here... Do you have your payment slip? Nothing about it was "ceremonial" we couldn't even have anyone there because it was in the clerks office with her stacks of paper work and tiny closet like office.

I honestly have thought about getting married at the courthouse without anybody knowing and then having our wedding later. The reason being is we both have jealous ex's who have made treats to crash and object to the marriage.

Hey if that works for you, I think you should. If this post has taught me anything it's that you need to do what works for you.

This is too cute and I couldn't resist

Charlene after all isn't that what its all about. What works for you and your FH?

A lot of people will tend to disagree with me on this one, but I honestly don't see the problem. If for whatever reason I got legally married before the wedding I wouldn't really feel married just because I signed a piece of paper. In the eyes of me, my FH, and my friends and family I'm married when I make vows to FH. The paper is to humor the government, the vows are for me.

I wouldn't be upset if you did this and I wouldn't even care if you didn't tell me first. I would still be there to congratulate you on your union, gift in tow.

ETA: hid a dup post.

In the end if we decide to do a courthouse legal marriage to keep our anniversary, it would be no secret and it would be because that's what works for us. Agreed @Kellie, in the end its about what works best for the couple involved! ETA: And NONE of that insults those who only have a courthouse wedding. That is not devalued at all by the couples who do both.

Charlene, I think most PPs just either didn't read the backstory, or you hadn't posted it yet. Lots of times on this forum people get married, lie to their entire family and say they aren't married, and then have a wedding. So if you feel like anyone was getting on your case about what to call it, that's why.

On another note, Alison, I certainly didn't say anything about getting married in secret and lying about it being the norm in the military. Not sure whether you meant lying about BEING married or not being married getting people kicked out...but the whole thing is absurd. The truth of the matter is most military couples have a courthouse wedding due to leave restrictions, deployments, a whole host of reasons. I didn't go that route, but having come from an area chock full of military, it is what most people did. They just had a wedding/vow renewal later (and some didn't), and some only told the military they were married and kept it a secret from everyone else, and some told everyone.

Regardless, Charlene, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a ceremony and reception months to years after you get married.

@Charlene i am so terribly sorry for what you have had to endure especially during what is supposed to be the happiest time in your life! My thoughts and prayers go out to you (: you know it makes me think, my papaw is doing okay right now but he struggles with health alot and i often think that if i found out he was about to die i would seriously consider just having my pastor do a quick little vow exchange just so my papaw could watch me get married and then go on with my planned wedding next september. I hope i never have to go thru with that but i just know its a possibility. Because aside from my daddy and FH, he is the most important man in my life! And i dont think there is anything wrong with it for what ever reason you decide to do a court wedding before.

It is really frustrating how quickly people cast judgement on the private, personal decisions others make regarding their nuptials. My decision to legally marry before my wedding does not in any way delegitimize my actual wedding day, nor does it delegitimize anyone elses wedding day! Just like you, I want that moment of my husband's face lighting up as I walk down the aisle in front of our family and friends. You deserve that, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Do what makes you happy!

It wasn't sneaky to go to the courthouse and get married without broadcasting it to everyone we know. It was a private decision, and it will remain one because frankly it's no one else's business. A legal document does not define your marriage. For that matter, neither does the wedding.

Keep in mind, the United States is one of the only Western countries where you don't have to get legally married at a separate time. It's not as crazy or offensive as some people like to make it seem, do what works for you.

It happens for lots of reasons. My sister had 3 kinds of wedding ceremony, come to think of it - signing the ketubah, their vows in front of friends and family, and the time they spent with their officiant to do the paperwork making them legally married, a third kind of ceremony!

My fiance and I talked about a quick courthouse wedding to make it legal first, as a purely pragmatic thing. We may need to get him on my health insurance, for instance, before the planned wedding with family and friends. Both celebrations would be just as 'real' to us, and there's a special gravity to saying vows in front of those you love, whether the legalities have been already dealt with or not.

I am in a similar situation considering the courthouse wedding now and next year, when we can afford it, having a ceremony in front of our friends and family. My FI is actually more excited about it than I am because I'm on the fence about doing this myself. My FI and I have been together for almost 5 years, we have a home and a mortgage together and I feel like the people in my life that love me the most will be happy to come to the "big shindig" next year. There are countless legal benefits to doing it now and I can totally see the value of it. My main hesitation at this point is that I worry that it will take away from it being the special day I've dreamed about. I also don't want OOT family who WOULD have come otherwise, not make the trip because its a vow renewal and not a wedding. Are there any other women out there that felt the same that can reassure me that it was still just as special and it didn't affect who was willing to come. I'm not too worried about the gifts but did you still do a registry even though it wasn't a "wedding." I'm very curious to hear first hand experiences.