Mama Drama

Naming this after what my FH termed the whole trip home.




So I have a few issues with my mom, and I need you ladies to chime in and tell me if I'm in the wrong or not. My FH already said I'm not being unreasonable, but I need some female opinions who aren't close to the people involved.

So first problem. My parents had a terrible divorce- he had an affair and left my mom to marry my now stepmom, basically stepping from one marriage to another. This was about 12 years ago, when I was a teenager. It was messy and there were a lot of hurt feelings. I struggled with including my dad or not, but ultimately I decided to go with having him there because he is my dad and has been trying to be a better dad.
My mom is angry at this decision. She didn't think, apparently, that I would include him or his family. It's clear that she expected my stepdad to be given the father role because she thinks my dad doesn't deserve it. I tried to explain it to her, but all of her hurt and anger over the divorce is making her angry with me because I chose to have him there. In fact, she seems to rather be taking it as a personal slight that her husband is being given a lesser role in the ceremony (walking her in and delivering one half of the unity sand). It made her basically gripe about places my dad will be involved for most of the trip instead of being excited.

Which brings me to point 2. Since my dad is trying to do better and I have a good relationship with my stepmom, I asked her to join us for makeup. Broke this to my mom over the trip, and she was MAD. I may be in the wrong on this one - I honestly thought I was giving my stepmom a small honor because otherwise she isn't getting anything, not even being walked in as part of the ceremony. I think my mom saw this as an even bigger slight because she can't stand my stepmom for obvious reasons. It's honestly making me want to elope because she was clearly hurt that I intruded on our time by including my stepmom...but I figured she wouldn't even stay the whole time. Now I may need to coordinate my mom and stepmom getting makeup done so they're not in the same reason.

It's exhausting. I kind of want to elope, and I'm feeling guilty about my mom in general. Help! Am I being rude? Did I step over a manners problem?