Major disagreements

Wait, why can't you invite your friends?

View Quoted Comment Honestly cause I really have none

View Quoted Comment Okay well, if you are close to his family, and you want to marry him, they will be your family too. I know of a few brides on here, and in real life that are not close to their families and still had a wedding with just the grooms family. If that's not what you want, then communicate that with him. Maybe a good compromise could be just his parents there? That way he still gets some family, but it's not overwhelming for you. I'm sorry, I hope that you both are able to work it out.

My friend is actually having it where his ceremony is just him and his fiance and the officiant and a photographer who is the witness too. Then after they're doing a dinner with just family to celebrate. They wanted it really intimate. So maybe you can do something like that?

View Quoted Comment That’s what I want but he wants his family at the ceremony

Planning a wedding is often the first major opportunity to work together for a couple. If you can't reach a compromise, then I think it makes sense to pause wedding planning and get some couple's counseling to learn tools to work together and communicate.

View Quoted Comment We can communicate that’s not the problem. We just both have very firm stances on what we want

Honestly, I think asking him to not have his family at a very important event in his life is asking too much. Yes, I feel for you that you won’t have any friends or family there, but think about it, is it his fault you don’t talk to your family or have any friends? IMO, you could at least go out and try to make friends. I don’t know if you can fix the estranged family thing, but maybe try. I personally, can’t imagine asking this of my FH. The most important part of marriage is putting someone else’s needs before your own. Maybe try compromising by having his parents and/or close siblings at the ceremony and then doing a bigger reception later.

All this is just my opinion/feelings and is not meant to offend you or attack you in anyway.

I think a marriage is so special. I would surely want my family there. I know you don't have anyone but his family will be yours really soon. Just think of it that way..

I lived this. My brother went behind us all and got married without all of us. We were a very close family but because of this plus a few other things his wife has said or done, it has put a strain on our family relationship. Which in the long run hurts the kids bc we arent comfortable being around her and her dislike of us.
How insistent is he that he wants family there? I like the idea of an intimate wedding. As another poster said his family will be yours.

View Quoted Comment Part of communication is also being able to come to decisions that are fair compromises for both parties. This is a tough issue for sure, which is why trying to compromise is so important.

I dont think you can ask him to not have his family there.
If I did that to my FH family they would be devastated. His family is now your family so dont feel like you are alone.

I thinks it's a bit mean to take away his families involvement just because yours isn't nice. My fiance isn't close with his family and still wanted mine to be there.
Could you maybe suggest having just his parents? Or does he want to go all out?
Also I'd recommend counseling both personal and couple's, while having an estranged family isn't unusual having no friends on top of no family is hard on a person and can put an unfair amount of support on the spouse too. I would say not being able to find a middle ground on this is clear you two do have communication issues and it's going to resurface later.

View Quoted Comment 100% agree with this. I think you should definitely take your feelings into consideration but I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to not have his family at his own wedding because you don’t talk to yours . I’m picturing this if it was me and my fiancé and if the shoe were on the other foot and he wanted me to not have my family because he didn’t talk to his Id tell him he’s out of his mind and there’s absolutely no way that’s happening. It’s a little selfish to ask that of someone.

HIs family will now be your family. And if they love you both enough to be there then that's all that matters. We're not inviting some of own families because of estrangement. But we're okay with it because the people who truly love us will be there on our big day.

I would be devastated if my fiancé would not let me have my family at the wedding. A compromise would be only do his immediate family at ceremony mom dad siblings the siblings spouses and niece and nephews if there are any. Then do a dinner out.

Your FH deserves to have his family at his wedding. My FH will only have maybe 3 family members at our wedding out of the 80 people we invited. Once you're married, his friends and family will be your friends and family.

You certainly don't need to cancel a marriage because you have different ideas on how to celebrate it.

My husband and I had very different desires from the wedding as well based on our family dynamics. I wanted a 'just us' ceremony while he wanted a much larger one. But, in order to not cause any lingering resentments (with both each other and our new extend family), we had to compromise. Ours was an intimate ceremony (parents, siblings, and small wedding party) - with a slightly larger party the next day (50 ppl). As the wedding process continued, he said several times "I understand why you wanted that now" while I said, "I understand why you needed this."

In short, figure out what works best for the two of you as a unit - not as individuals.

View Quoted Comment

I agree as well. The only way it would be okay to not have his family there is if it was what he wanted and the two of you were paying for the whole wedding yourselves. It is his right to have his family present to witness him marrying the woman he loves. Let him share the moment with the people he loves.

My best friend has a similar issue. She is an only child and has only a few friends she feels close enough with to invite to her wedding. They are having a small wedding of about 50-75 people at an inn on the beach. Her issue is that her FH has a huge family. She has been to his sisters' weddings and has seen the amount of people his family invites. Another thing she has noticed is how his family acts around her, like they are a bit judgmental. She was very anxious about all this, so I think they decided to limit the amount of family members they are inviting; something like his immediate family, no kids, etc.

It is your choice not to invite your family, but you shouldn't put that on your FH. It's his day too. He deserves to have them there.

Like in marriage, you have to learn to pick your battles. When you get married, his family becomes your family. Think about it. You are estranged from your family... do you really want him to be estranged from his too? My husband and I didn't agree on the type of wedding we wanted either... I wanted a small intimate destination wedding with 10-20 people... he wanted a large wedding for his family and friends. We did it his way the first time. Now, after 10 years we are renewing our vows and doing the ceremony I wanted... a small intimate ceremony on the beach with 14 of our closest friends/family. At the end of the day, the type of wedding isn't important... it is the type of marriage you want to have. My advice: Do the wedding he wants but see if you can pick the honeymoon destination. Be kind to his family... they are going to be your family too. Step back and look at the big picture.