Pattie
Expert June 2020

Maid of Honor outfit drama. help

Pattie, on February 6, 2020 at 6:45 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 26
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So my wonderful maid of honor is a lesbian & does not wear dresses. Ever.

She and I have been planning that she wear a suit, my family does not care either way.


Buuuuut the groom's family is more traditionally minded, and have a major issue with her being in a suit or slacks. I talked with her about it and she said she would do it for me and wear a dress... but I feel strange about it. She said its more than just my day, and that it is a merging of families, and that if its important to them she will wear the dress. She is AMAZING. Part of me feels like its not okay to ask her to do this.


I feel grateful, but i know she will be uncomfortable AND never wear it ever again. Do I tell my future in laws to just let it go and my maid of honor just wear what she wants? Do I take her up on her offer to suck it up and wear a dress? Am I overthinking this? I told her to bring a change of clothes and change after the ceremony and pictures if she would like, but I still feel weird about it.


Help!

26 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on February 10, 2020 at 1:24 PM
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    What about a jumpsuit?
    I think I'd just let her wear what she is comfortable in. The in laws may not like it and she's such a good friend for offering to do the dress but I don't think I'd want her to feel uncomfortable
    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    Why do your in laws get a say on what your MOH wears? That seems ridiculous to me.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think it’s your in laws decision on what anyone else wears. I would feel uncomfortable asking someone to wear something other than what they are comfortable with.
    • Reply
  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    Because they are chipping in for wedding rehearsal. My parents said that they should get some kind of say if they chip in even $1. Seems odd to me.

    • Reply
  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    Right? A jumpsuit is brilliant!


    Where would I find one?

    • Reply
  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
    • Flag

    Also my groom has voiced concerns over this whole thing as well, but I don't know if it is pressure from his parents.

    • Reply
  • Tracie
    Dedicated April 2021
    Tracie ·
    • Flag
    1- your friend is a gem
    2- your in laws have no business or say in what she wears

    That being said, I like the suggestion of a jumpsuit as a happy medium. Maybe a wide legged jumpsuit that can sort of pass as a dres? That's IF she is into the idea. I still think if you two want her to wear a suit, then she wears a suit.
    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    A say in the rehearsal, sure. But I've never heard of anyone except the bride and her bridal party getting a say in bridal party attire.
    • Reply
  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    Okay, so my gut feeling that is was weird was correct. Thanks for confirming.

    • Reply
  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    Thanks Tracie! I agree she is seriously the best ever. I could not live without her!


    I had told the in laws that she was wearing a suit and that I didn't care. Then they went through my fiance. When I told him that i still didn't have an issue, they went to my mother and made an appointment with her to voice concerns.


    Why does wearing a dress or a suit matter this much?! I freaking hate drama and that its bubbled up to this point.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I agree with others that your in laws, not even your parents, have a say in what your bridal party wears maybe unless they are paying for it maybe. She can wear a pant suit if they want. I would not even discuss this any further with anyone. You can try a jump suit but she should feel comfortable if she is paying for it. Rehearsal dinner has nothing to do with what your bridal party wears and they, in my opinion, have no say in the rest of your wedding. They have all the say in the dinner.

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    Wow, you have an AMAZING friend!! That was incredibly gracious of her. Personally, I would let her wear the pantsuit she feels comfortable in. I don’t see how what your MOH wears in any way affects your in laws. And to be honest, it’s pretty inconsiderate of them to try to dictate what someone else wears. Why should she have to forfeit her comfort for someone else’s? She should feel comfortable and accepted just the way she is. If someone else has a problem with it, it’s THEIR problem.
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    Yeah, they absolutely don't get a say in what the bridal party wears. Please stick to your guns and have your sister wear what she wants. I'm kind of bowled over they think they get to voice "their concerns" over the MOH's attire... sorry you're dealing with that.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    Agree with everyone who says the in-laws should have no say in what anyone wears (but themselves) and, really, there's no reason for them to even know this level of detail (I realize the cat it out of the bag).


    But mostly, I feel compelled to say, it's 2020, women have been wearing pants for nearly a hundred years! There is nothing wrong with pants; this is a non-issue.

    • Reply
  • Becca
    Devoted October 2019
    Becca ·
    • Flag
    Maid of Honor outfit drama. help 1
    As others have suggested a jumpsuit. Lulus has jumpsuits in their bridal section at reasonable prices. Maybe you and your MOH could find something that y’all both like if a suit would make things uncomfortable.


    Your MOH is super awesome for suggesting to wear a dress even if she would be uncomfortable. My biggest suggest is finding something that you both love and don’t worry about pleasing others.
    I wish you the best of luck.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Are your in laws usually like this? Do they try to exert control over you? If so, I would say start setting boundaries now. It's not appropriate they they went through your mother
    • Reply
  • Stevie
    Devoted February 2020
    Stevie ·
    • Flag

    I think the decision should be based on you and your MOH only. It's your wedding, and if you and your MOH agree on wearing a suit then why not. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Carly
    Devoted October 2020
    Carly ·
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    Yes! I was thinking the same thing!! I think a jumpsuit would be a great compromise. Search in the forums for them - I’ve seen a few discussions on this.
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted September 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    Hi, I'm in a similar situation. MOH is trans male and will therefore wear a suit according to preference. My family is extremely traditional but I don't care, it's happening and they're going to get used to it. Stick to your gut and defend the wishes of your friends.
    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This is not about clothes. This level of drama and persistence indicates a deep seated discomfort over your friend being a lesbian. They seem to be making it about what she wears so they can "hide" her amongst the rest of the bridesmaids.
    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I don't know your FILs. But I've seen this kind of behavior before and it only gets worse. It's not for them to say what your bridal party wears. Your attendants should be making that decision with you and nobody else.
    Don't worry, they'll get over it.

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