Maid of Honor Issues

I asked her why she was buying him a gift. I was hoping for some insight in what is going through her head.

If your FH is not saying anything to make her stop, then you need to tell her to stop saying those things to your FH. It's unacceptable and disrespectful. Don't allow her to go on like that. We can give you our opinions of what's right or wrong but ultimately it is up to you to make her stop.

Thank you. Im speaking with her this weekend. Just unsure about how to start the conversation.

Kick her out, but know you're ending the friendship

First and foremost, your FH needs to start telling her firmly to stop. She needs to hear it.

I was considering having her be a bridesmaid. 2 people have already come forward offering to trade places with her

Oh no. Don’t go there. If you’re getting this much drama now. Just imagine how much more you would get after you ditched her and replaced her.

True

He thinks she's being ridiculous. He just laughs her off

Agreed with Natalie and Mrs. Fall Bride.

Don't trade places. People are not interchangeable, and no one should be offering to be your MOH. If she is genuinely behaving like this, then a) she doesn't deserve to be a BM either and b) I doubt she'd accept the change in role. If you remove her, then just don't have a MOH.

Have you actually sat down with her (in person, not over the phone) and said to her "Listen, I'm confused about some stuff that's been happening that seems out of character for you. Can you help me to understand?" and then laid out your issues? If not, that's a good first step. And then LISTEN to her. It is very possible that she DOES perceive you as flipping out about shoes, even if that's not how you understand your own behavior. It's possible she thinks she has to buy gifts for both you and the groom as part of her role as MOH. It's possible that something happened that hurt the feelings of the BM who dropped out and they are far closer than you realized. Hear what she has to say without becoming defensive and really think about if it has value. Then ask her to do the same for you.

At the end of that, don't decide if she's still your MOH. Decide if the friendship is still worth saving. That's the real issue here.

Thank you. That sounds like a great idea

What's her number? Karma about to be a bitch.

^^^ what?

He shouldn't laugh at her attempts to hit on him. If he does that where she can see/hear his reaction, laughing (even if he's laughing because she's so deluded to think he would ever be interested) can be interpreted as flirting back.

If you want it to stop, she needs to understand he's not interested and she won't get a reaction other than "no" from him. He needs to be firm and he needs to let her know it's unacceptable and he will not be responding in the future.

This is important. You telling her that her behavior towards your FH is hurtful to you and that it is unacceptable may not stop her. What she may hear is that "Rebecca doesn't like it, but her FH hasn't even tried to stop me." She needs to know it's unacceptable from both of you.

Cut. Her. Off. That is so disrespectful.

Just... no. You do not need to be the person to tell her that her behavior is not acceptable. Your FH needs to tell her that. You can echo his sentiments, but ultimately he needs to be the one to say it and enforce it. Neither I nor my FH would ever "step in" for someone inappropriately flirting. It is our individual jobs to say no, and most people won't back down unless they hear it from the horse's mouth. And as soon as he realized she wasn't joking, he should have responded as such.

Further more, working on the assumption that everything you have stated is true and accurate, if she really has turned tables like this, and you are ok with no longer being friends, then completely removing her from the wedding is an option. I wouldn't want someone like that standing beside me and making speeches. But that is a last resort and only if you are ok with never being friends again. And you don't demote her. You remove her. Completely. Not even as a guest. There is no half-way in this one. She either comes as MOH or she doesn't attend at all.

KICK HER OUT. I wouldn't even try to salvage a friendship. Flirting with my FH would get me all kinds of fired up.

Feel like we don't know the whole story, but still, I wouldn't give your (ex) MOH the time of day.

I'm guessing we don't "know the whole story" because there may very well be something going on with the MOH that her friend doesn't know about. When people do a 180 like this, something is causing it. There's always a reason. I'm guessing OP may end up getting to the bottom of it if she follows Del's excellent advice and asks as a friend, then listens.