Maid of Honor Gift to Bride?

I'm not expecting a gift from my MOH or any other bridal party members but I really would like a nice card/letter! My parents got married pretty young so their bridal party wasn't exactly on their feet financially yet so many of them got my parents hand-made gifts, for example one of the groomsmen made a wooden plaque and my parents still have it in their room 25 years later.

So I'd recommend either writing a nice card or crafting something cheap but heart-felt

Two of my BM are travelling 12+ hours for my wedding and bought dresses. Frankly I hope they do not feel obligated to get me a gift. I'm so grateful for just their presence. I imagine your friend is the same.

I didn't expect any gifts from my bridal party, and their expenses were significantly less than that. A nice card will be appreciated, or a heartfelt handmade gift as a PP mentioned. My MOH got me a small gift, but she is my sister and some of her costs were subsidized by my parents.

My MOH gave us a card at the wedding and no gift. She did so much for us during planning that I was relieved she did not give us a gift too! It's perfectly fine to just give a card in my opinion. If you feel the need to get something though maybe you could get a picture frame or something else that's inexpensive but more of a sentimental gift.

You can't really count things like gas money spent to go dress shopping or for pre-wedding events, because you weren't required to do any of that. Honestly, you sound a bit resentful of all of this, especially with the mention of using vacation days. No one's holding a gun to your head for any of that, the only thing you needed to spend money on is your attire.

I'd still get them a gift, but it doesn't have to be big, it can be smaller or more of a sentimental type thing. At the very least, you should write a heartfelt card for them.

I feel that's a pretty normal amount to spend as a MOH. I've been a bridesmaid twice, both times I spent around $1,000. I assume if I'm ever a MOH I'll spend more like $2,000. Could you get her a sentimental gift instead? Maybe a hand written letter and a framed picture of you guys?

Honestly my MOH is spending much less than that...I'd still feel really bad if she ended up giving a wedding gift. Your presence and support are all the gift you need to give.

I didn't even know wedding party members thought about getting the bride a gift! I hope none of by BMs or my MOH get me a gift, they've done enough already!

View Quoted Comment I agree. If you are her MOH you are close enough to be so. Id get her something small with a card. Being an MOH or BM is optional. And the spending is just sinething that cimes with it.

No you're not obligated but that's because I'm of the mind that once a gift is required, it's no longer a gift. I would write a sentimental letter about what a big step this is in her life and your friendship.

You are not obligated to get a gift, but if I were your friend I might be a little hurt that you are keeping a running tab, on things like gas money and vacation days. All of the above events are optional, so if it gets to be too much at any point, you could say something like "I won't be able to come shopping for your dress with you, but maybe you could Facetime me when you find it or if you need help picking."

I would send a nice card, and maybe something sentimental but not expensive.

-gas and gift for her bridal shower (3 hours from where I live): $100

It looks like you've already factored in the cost of a gift unless I read your post wrong..... If you're bringing a gift for her bridal shower - that's her gift. No need to bring her a gift then and a separate one to the wedding. You are in no way obligated to bring someone a gift. I have 8 girls, some live out of the state are just aren't able to make it to anything except for the wedding. That's fine! I don't expect a gift from them either. If gas or travel gets to be too much, just sit out a round and tell her you'll be there for the next fitting or shower or whatever she has planned for everyone.

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I agree with this. In general, this question and the running tab don't sit well with me. No one is ever obligated to buy anyone a gift. I would assume that most of those expenses (dress shopping, bachelorette party and shower) were in your control (especially since you are the MOH) so you decided what you could spend or politely decline. As a bride, I would be mortified and hurt if my best friend was keeping tabs on all that. At the very least, write a thoughtful note and give her something sentimental. TBH, she will notice if you don't and wonder why.

I dont excpect a gift .. my fh was in a wedding last year for his best man for the shower i spent $50 . The tux was $200 .. we gifted them $300 . But we did not nearly spend almost 1700 lol . My bp dont make much and im keeping dresses to $100 and suits to $150 . I understand they arent made of miney no judgement

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Of course your bridesmaids kept tabs on what they were spending--who doesn't check their bank account? It would be naive and unrealistic to think they didn't. Obviously they never said anything to you about it because that would be rude. I'm only 1 of 3 bridesmaids, she was in my wedding (and spent maybe 1/2 of what I'm spending here) and she's a lifelong friend and I love her so none of these events are really "optional." I certainly don't plan on telling my friend that I think things are too expensive but $1700 is a hefty chunk of change any way you look at it unless you are independently wealthy or have unlimited resources.

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Actually, in my case my bridesmaids had very little expenses and the ones they chose to shoulder (shower and bachelorette party) were planned with realistic budgets. There were no plane tickets, accommodations, etc. for an elaborate bachelorette party since we did something local and affordable for everyone and the shower was hosted at someone's home and the expenses were minimal. I let them choose whatever dress they wanted so they could buy whatever long, burgundy dress was in their budget and then I not only paid for their accommodations the entire weekend as well as their professional makeup, but the gifts I gave each one were well over $1,000 per girl. So, no, I doubt my bridesmaids kept tabs at all.

I've been a bridesmaid a few times and I never kept tabs the way you are, especially factoring in gas. That is very strange to me. Are you planning on turning in a mileage reimbursement form when this is all done? Also, if she is as good a friend as you say, then she would understand if you can't afford to go dress shopping with her or pay nearly $1000 for a bachelorette party.

As I said, you don't need to buy her an expensive gift, but a thoughtful note is much appreciated.

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That's exactly why I asked this question the way I did to begin with! I understand in your wedding why your bridesmaids may have wanted to buy you a gift, especially if you were spending $1,000 each on their gifts and intentionally made the bachelorette party cheap --which, in my experience, is very atypical.

That certainly is not the case here. I didn't pick the destination. I'm going along with everything she is wants me to do because I don't want to be rude, I can afford it, she is aware I can afford it, and she will probably be hurt if I decline. I'm just trying to figure out if it's acceptable to not buy her a $300 dyson ball in light of how much I'm spending, and it sounds like the resounding answer is yes. (Also, as a side note, whether you want to believe it or not, gas can be expensive on a 6-7 hour trip).

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Ah, I see. It does make a difference that the bride was in charge of those expenses - which is something we frown upon here on WW. The bachelorette party should be something you and the rest of the party decide on based on what you can afford.

In any event, no matter how much you spent, you never were obligated to buy her a $300 gift, or really any gift. But a handwritten card is always appreciated (hopefully in her case, at least!) so I recommend doing that. There are some beautiful ones on Papryus or Etsy.

Whenever I’m a bridesmaid, I understand the financial commitment going into it. I definitely don’t monitor every single thing I spend money on for the bride (ie gas). Anyway for the bridal
shower I try to coordinate so all bridesmaids go in together on a big gift to save money. Then for the wedding, I give a small gift and card. The bride is likely not expecting a big gift if one at all from you. I would just say buy smaller items off the registry or something sentimental. She’ll be happy regardless what you get!

I can only speak for myself but as a bride, knowing my friends need to budget carefully, I wouldn't take it personally if they were keeping a tab. I know for them, that's part of their budgeting and being fiscally responsible.

I would also respect that everyone has limits. Yes, you accept the costs but there's also a point where it's a strain. Everyone has that point even if we wish we COULD just keep giving.

I wouldn't be upset in the least if you had been so involved and present and didn't get a gift. I'd love a card or heartfelt letter because I'm sentimental and would keep it and hold it dear. But I am on team no-gift-is-okay. But that's of course only my opinion.