Maid of Honor Dress Drama

I don't usually get this way... maybe I'm just sick of all the bridal party drama going on. But she needs to put on her big girl pants and suck it up. She isn't the star of the show. She doesn't need to be different. Tough. If she keeps fighting, you could possibly just say you'll pay for the dress if she's just complaining cause she doesn't want to spend money on that particular dress. I honestly think it has nothing to do with the money though and more to do with the fact that she wants to be a special snowflake. End of rant. No. Don't give in.

EDIT: I just wanted to check - did she already buy a different dress? That's a different story because you did say you originally agreed otherwise. But if this dress is within the initial agreed upon budget and if she hasn't already purchased a gown then I think she should just get the dress you want.

I dealt with this earlier on in our wedding planning. I originally had 2 girls in our wedding, Original MOH and I went shopping a year early, picked out a dress, life was good. BM went to try same dress on and it looked horrible ( she is very big chested). I tried to accommodate both girls, and picked a different dress, because I had over a year, and it wasn't a big deal. MOH thought that I was letting the BM take over our wedding and change the dress etc, etc. Eventually, both girls got the 2nd dress I picked out for them and it was settled. Side note: Original MOH was not kicked out by my choosing, a whole bunch of drama happened in January, and she felt that she could not support me properly so she decided that she did not want to be in my wedding anymore. Best of luck to you in this situation, I am sure it will all work out!

It's YOUR wedding. YOU are getting married. Do what YOU want. If she doesn't like it, oh well, suck it up buttercup, you're an adult, act like one xD I can't with these BMs throwing temper tantrums when they don't get their ways.

Did she already buy a different dress? Is the $120 out of the agreed budget for her dress? If the answer to these questions are "no", then she'll either deal or back out.

Personally I feel like 5 months out IS short notice for her to get that dress. Maybe she does not have that $120 to spend and doesn't want to tell you?! She may have already picked out/bought a cheaper dress? If you want to change your mind, then maybe you should offer to pay for the new dress.

Did your MOH already have a dress before you changed your mind?

I guess I am looking at this from the other side. Yes, it is your wedding, but you told her that she wasn't going to wear the same dress, so coming back to her now and saying, "Oh, BTW I changed my mind, so get this other dress," is probably not going to go over well. Yes, you are 5 months out, but she probably already had a plan in mind for what she was going to wear. You probably should have known what you wanted before you gave anyone the attire plans. Give her a few days to cool off like you said, but when you do talk I wouldn't go into it with an, "I changed my mind because I'm allowed to" attitude or I don't think you will make very much headway in getting what you want.

Same questions as PPs... Does she already have the dress? Is the $120 for the dress you want higher than her budget? Are the dresses really all that different?

If you had been clear about uniform dresses from day one, then sure. But you're changing your mind about the dress presumably months after you told her she could wear a different dress. I have the same questions as PP. did she already buy the other dress? What's the price difference? And yeah, taking the attitude of "It's my day so you have to do what I want, even if I change my mind 10 times" attitude, this will continue to go badly.

And that's why I don't have a MOH, some girls with the title feel like they run the show.

I have four bridesmaids, I picked out the dress, picked the color and I told them where to buy it. They all loved it and had no problem with it.

Thank you for the advice, all. To answer people's questions - she has not bought another dress, she hasn't even attempted to look for one and $120 is pocket change for her. She was planning on spending upwards of $500 for her dress.

Thanks for answering. Unfortunately you don't get to decide for someone else what is reasonable to pay for a dress.

I think you're in difficulty because it should go like this. Privately ask each BM for their budget, Choose a dress within the lowest budget.

I have a question, then. If I am supposed offer to pay for her dress, as some of you suggest, how do I handle that if my other bridesmaids find out? They paid for their own.

It's pretty redic that she'd be upset! It's YOUR wedding - annnd 5 months is almost half a dad gum year! IF she's a good friend she'll get over it!

To be fair, I feel there is likely to be a large difference between what someone is willing and able to pay for a dress they get to choose and will therefore be likely to wear again, vs. a dress someone else selected for them that they may feel uncomfortable with and wont ever touch after the wedding.

So what she could afford for the previous dress you were letting her pick is honestly irrelevant - she may have had plans to use it later for other events, and thus been able to justify the expense.

@Natalie K, I'd say to your other BMs that you're buying the dress because you screwed up. It's not her fault that you changed the plan.

TBH, yes. I f--ked up. But part of me feels like she is trying to upstage me. When I initially asked her, she asked me if she could have her own special song played for her entrance. Everywhere we went to look for my dress, she made it a point to tell people that she was the MOH before I even mentioned that I was the bride. I'm just really frustrated with everything. Every BM but one.

I don't ask for much. I cave on everything. I'm normally the "do what you want" type of girl but she bullied me into having her own dress when I first asked her. Yes, I should have spoken up then but honestly, I wasn't sure at the time. The more I thought about it, I want uniformity. Is that so wrong?

I now understand why people go to the court house.

Here's your problem: "I told my MOH tonight that I want her to wear the same dresses as the other two BMs (initially I was okay with her having her own dress but changed my mind because I'm allowed to!)".

I don't know what went before, during, or after, but if you told her that she could wear her own dress, and then, with six months to go, just decided that you're retracting that offer, she's not going to be happy (and I wouldn't be either). Your reasoning, "Because I'm allowed to" tells her nothing. It just reminds her that you are in charge.

I'm sure she'll wear the dress you want her to wear, but please, give her a break. You broke your word. Yeah, you did.

I'm a believer of my wedding, my expense, so I paid for the BP's attire. But that aside, it's two-fold. Brides need to be reasonable in what they expect their BM's to pay for a dress and BM's accept the position knowing they will have to pay for the dress, usually of the Brides choosing. You want your BM's to be comfortable but it is your wedding. In weddings I've been in I've bought the dress and the shoes that I've never worn again. It's what you do when you accept the position. If you can't afford it you let the bride know and you figure it out. What you don't do is throw teenage temper tantrums because you can't dictate what you want. The OP said that $120 is reasonable for the MOH. What the MOH needs to do is be a friend and wear the dress the bride wants her girls to wear in the wedding.

Isn't this person your best friend? Is she typically trying to bully or upstage you? I guess I don't understand how you chose this person as your MOH when she apparently bullies you.