Savvy June 2020

Maid of Honor angry with me over dress

Celeste, on April 14, 2019 at 3:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 40
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My maid of honor is my FH sister who lives two hours away. She only has weekends off and my days off are weekdays. She became very angry with me and threatened to not be in my bridal party anymore because I walked by a dress shop and fell in LOVE with one if the dresses and asked to try it on. I ended up picking that dress as MY dress and she called me upset when i sent her a picture of it for her opinion. She keeps telling me that shes supposed to help me pick and plan all these things. I feel that she is overreacting. I have tried to meet up with her different times and for different reasons. I dont want to feel guilty for finding my dress without her. Help?

Maid of Honor angry with me over dress 1

Maid of Honor angry with me over dress 2


  • Kelsey
    Super September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    First you look amazing in that dress! And you shouldn't feel guilty at all. I didn't go shopping with my bridal party for my dress because I wanted to make sure I made the decision that was right for me and wasn't influenced by anyone. So I went my mom and aunt. She is for sure overreacting, if you want to you could see if she could go to a fitting with you. But that's only if you want her to go.
  • Nichole
    Devoted August 2019
    Nichole ·
    She has absolutely no reason to be upset at all! Let her drop out. You don’t need that drama.
  • Catti Labelle
    VIP July 2018
    Catti Labelle ·

    It’s your wedding dress and your moment. She doesn’t get to dictate who needs to be there or to approve of your choice. Don’t feel guilty, as you’re right in that she’s overreacting. Just tell her that finding your dress was by chance (it was), and that you didn’t mean for her to be hurt. Tell her that there are many other things that she can be involved in, and that dress shopping is only one small part of wedding planning.

  • Heather
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Heather ·
    To be honest, the only opinion that should matter here is yours. I agree with you regarding her overreacting. Sure, it would of been nice to have the bonding experience with her. However, when you found your perfect dress you were not excluding her on purpose. It just happened.

    Give her some time to calm down. Once she is willing to talk it out, explain that finding the dress was random and unplanned, and in no way did you mean to upset her.
  • Alyssa
    Super September 2019
    Alyssa ·

    Ok let's start off with the fact that you look stunning! Next, you should not feel guilty! Out of my bridal party, I only took my maid of honor and that's because she is my sister. Honestly, when my sister found her dress, she was walking with our mom in a shopping plaza when she found hers. I was not only her maid of honor but also her sister and I totally understood. She is definitely a little out of line for making a big deal out of it!

  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
    TV unreality shows have pushed the idea of team wedding, that the whole bridal party does everything together. And that never was tradition, and causes huge numbers of disagreements now. MIL, MOB MOH and BM thinking they "ought" to be included, when not wanted or needed. Brides angry when BM see no reason to shop for the bride's dress as a group. People who get a group together, only to find that the first 3 shops where they try to book allow a maximum of 3 or 4 including the bride. Or only allow bridal party to come if they are going to a different consultant to try on their dresses. . . Every bride chooses what is functional for her, from shopping alone , to taking people with her who have similar taste in clothes, or the same Visio for the wedding. You need to sit down with MOH and talk about expectations, so this does not keep coming up as a problem. Lots of websites and wedding industry supported sites and media set out a list of every possible thing any MOH has ever done for any bride, like a job description. And your MOH may have been genuinely mislead into thinking she must do 20 things, any of which are optional, none necessary except buying the dress. She, and maybe another bridesmaid or family member, or a whole group, may volunteer to give one or more showers ( different guest lists.). But reading these MOH responsibility lists lead lots of MOH to plan a shower alone, then essentially try to bill othes. When they never volunteered to do a shower. Or have completely different ideas, and will only help plan, pay, or attend if part of the planning from the beginning. Same with bachelorette party planning. Any of maybe 10 people may be close enough to volunteer to plan one, and MOH cannot make any assumptions. So have a ling talk. Save both of you the repeated frustration of coming at things with different expectations, only to have things not work.
  • Katie
    VIP November 2019
    Katie ·
    You look gorgeous !!! Do not let her ruin this moment !
  • Porterpoppin
    VIP March 2019
    Porterpoppin ·
    I love that dress! Very unique!

    Fortunately, this is all about YOU! There’s nothing you need to be doing *wedding related* on her time...there’s nothing she should be making you feel bad about, most definitely not finding a dress without her. If she wants to threaten not being in the wedding, then let her go. I can’t imagine having that type of energy around me while I’m trying to plan and experience my wedding day.
  • Celeste
    Savvy June 2020
    Celeste ·
    Thank you all for the kind words. Ive truly been beating myself up over this. I will have to talk with her and make sure we are on the same page.
  • Masonbride
    Dedicated June 2019
    Masonbride ·
    She’s being ridiculous! All of my BP is out of state so even though they would love to be apart of the experience it’s not possible I can’t imagine them getting mad about that, you look beautiful don’t let her spoil your joy!
  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·
    Agreeing with everyone else - your dress is absolutely amazzzing. So unique and beautiful. And you look gorgeous.
    And yes, FSIL is over reacting. It’s nice she wants to be part of the process, but she didn’t happen to be so sorry.
    I went to a consignment shop with two friends (neither were bridesmaids) for fun, and ended up finding my dress. None of my BMs cared. And while my mom said it was unfortunate she wasn’t there, she really wasn’t going to fly out of state (or vice versa) to find a dress.
    Hopefully this isn’t foreshadowing of what’s to come...
  • Julia
    Savvy April 2020
    Julia ·

    I didn't go shopping with my Bridal Party - it was just me and my mom and one of her friends and it was lovely and let me make a clear choice and I don't know why people bring their opinionated bridal parties haha - mine is spread out over a few states as well so it would have been almost impossible. Tell her to hit the bricks, wear what you love! Your bridal party should NOT be making wedding planning MORE difficult

  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
    She is definitely overreacting. I would just tell her that you’re sorry that the schedules could never align and the dress happened spontaneously and wasn’t planned. Tell her that you would love for her to still be in your wedding but it’s ultimately her decision but to remember how it would impact/hurt her brother if she dropped out.
  • T
    Dedicated May 2010
    Theresa ·

    Wow, that dress is gorgeous, and you look beautiful in it! I may be old fashioned here, or just out of touch with current trends, but I always thought that dress shopping was more of a mother/daughter event. I went myself, because like you I just happened on a dress that I wanted. But, I was in 3 BPs, and the brides went with their moms/sisters. It was a family bonding thing. I definitely think she's overracting.

    There's no way I'd pass up that dress to appease her tantrum!

  • Ingrid
    Expert October 2020
    Ingrid ·
    I adore your dress...and however you decide to plan and execute your wedding is up to you. It's your day not hers.
  • F
    Savvy June 2019
    Felicia ·

    My advice it’s your wedding day not hers it’s your choice. she is not the one walking up the aisle you are and if you love that dress it’s your choice I had no help picking my dress I did it all on my own I let the girls pick their style of dresses and I picked their colors

  • Devin
    Super October 2019
    Devin ·
    My moh was the same way. She wanted to be there when my FH asked me to marry him but we wanted it to just be us and maybe our parents. And She was upset that she didn’t go dress shopping with me but my mom wanted it to just be us and we ended up buying my dress when we were out of state. It’s your wedding, do everything how you want.
  • Lizbeth
    Devoted May 2020
    Lizbeth ·
    That's a gorgeous dress! Did you explain that to her? If so, there's not much you really can do. Bit is your wedding and if she wants to be part of it she has to try and make more of an effort. Like some brides have already said, it's your wedding, it's your moment. Talk to your FH and see if you can have her not be in the bridal party or try and work it our but the drama is unnecessary and just not helpful for you.
    You can afford to be selfish in this.
    You can do this!
  • Kiara
    Expert August 2020
    Kiara ·
    Beautiful dress no need4her2feel bad its your day and your moment... If she wants2drop out let her..
  • Rachel
    Expert September 2019
    Rachel ·

    That's beautiful, and she's being a Maidzilla.

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