Loss of Loved One Before The Wedding

I lost my father back in December of 2010 and now that i'm engaged i have moments where i don't even want to plan my wedding because he was supposed to walk me down the aisle. I know your pain, and i am so sorry that you're going through this, no bride deserves to go through this. I can tell you that it will go away with time, but that it will never go away. You'll have to push on, remember what he would want for you, i'm sure he would want you to be happy and not be upset about his passing. Try to find a way to remember him at your wedding. For example, for my father, i will have his picture on a locket around my bouquet and i will also have an empty seat beside my mother with his picture. I'll be carrying an extra rose aside from my bouquet down the aisle with me and i will place it on his chair. Remember that he will be there watching over you. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, just remember, it'll be okay. I'm a believer in everything happens for a reason, no matter how angry or sad you might be about it now, it'll be okay.

Hillary, I'm so sorry for your loss! A few women on here are walking down the aisle with a bouquet charm with a picture in it to symbolize someone who is gone.

Not that it is the same, but FH's grandfather who means the world to both of us formally let us know he will not be attending the wedding. His health is poor and he really doesn't leave his home very often. He and his late wife are very important to us for many reasons but Pops gifted us my engagement ring. We're having a small moment of reflection/prayer while one of his grandmother's favorite hymns is played by our ceremony musicians.

I understand completely. I lost my mother in November of last year and there are still days or weeks where I refuse to do any planning because of it. I have found ways to incorporate her into all wedding festivities though and the programs will have a page just dedicated to her. I find it comforting that no matter what I'm doing the fact that she knew that I was getting married and she was just as excited as I am helps me get through.

Your grandfather will be at your wedding as the most honored guest, your angel.

Thank you all, and I am so sorry for your losses as well. I've been trying to think of ways to honor him, but it's still so hard.

For someone so special, nothing seems to be enough.

My DJ is the only vendor I have informed so far. Such a great portion of my wedding plans included my grandfather, and I know that in time I will have to share the news, as plans will be changing, but it's so hard to get the words out.

My DJ has been incredible, and found someone within hours who will be putting together a photo/video slideshow of my grandfather and I that will be played in place of our father-daughter dance.

I would like to leave his chair empty, as you mentioned, and I was thinking of placing his boutonierre and wedding shoes on it. But is that taking it too far?

My fiance will be walking my grandmother down the aisle before he takes his place. It is important to me that she doesn't feel alone, especially in a sea of couples.

I will be walking down the aisle wearing a bracelet designed to mimic my grandfather's heartbeat. I have a printout of an EKG that was performed on him, and this is so special to me, because I hope to feel as though I am carrying him down the aisle with me.

He was my anchor, and I can't picture my day without him, so I want to include his memory as much as possible. But should I be concerned about how it will make others feel? My grandmother lost her husband, my mom and aunt lost their father, just like me. Everyone grieves differently, and while I hope that honoring and remembering him at the wedding will be a comfort to me and make me feel close to him, I do not wish to upset my family or make it harder on anyone who might be confronted with their grief.

Is it okay to have such sad moments on your wedding day, to cry from both joy and heartbreak?

Yes chick. It is totally more than okay. It's normal to grieve for the people you love whom you can't share your day with. Honoring him sounds like a nice way to still include him.

I understand about nothing being enough. I don't think your taking it too far as to include his shoes and boutonierre, maybe even add your favorite picture of him framed. Since it is so soon maybe ask your grandmother, mother, and even your aunt if it would upset them or offend them, just explain to them that you want to feel close to him and that you only want to honor him. There's nothing wrong having sad moments on a happy day, i have many small things in my wedding i'll be doing that my immediate family will see that will remember my father. I'm sure that i'll need some heavy duty water proof mascara. Maybe if you plan on using a program you could include a note or page stating that the chair is there to honor him and remember him, word something nice about it that way, so no body things your trying to be blunt about it. I'm so sorry your going through this, just remember he will be there to protect you and watch over you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Grandpa in 2001, but reading your post made me tear up as it reminded me of my own grandfather missing my wedding. I think that you shoul do whatever makes you happy. However, it would be a kind gesture to as your Grandmother, mother and aunt how they feel about your ideas.

My Dad is battling lung cancer, and there are times that I just cry thinking about him being sick and the idea that he could possibly not make it to my wedding day.

First of all, i am very sorry for your loss. Try and remember the moments you had with him. There are a few people I can't believe wont be at mine.

There is one teaching in the Jewish religion, while I am an atheist, that still sticks with me from my Hebrew school days. I think its an important thing to learn.

According to the Torah, any celebration of life takes precedence over the remembrance of the dead. A wedding or a bar mitzvah always is more important than a funeral. Someone died the day you were supposed to have a wedding? You have the wedding. The funeral will happen, you can delay the mourning period.

While your situation isn't exactly this, the lesson is the same. Unfortunately, people we care about die. Life goes on. We need to move on. How do you do this. You remember him. You love him. You allow yourself to have the wedding of your dream, marry the man you love, and start a family with him. You tell your kids all about their great grandfather, and how special he was. They will tell their kids about the stories you told them. In that way, you have honored him more than you will ever realize.

I am so sorry for your loss! My heart breaks for you because I understand this loss. My uncle (that was like a father to me and was very excited to walk me down the aisle) passed away from lung cancer a few weeks ago. I felt the same way and honestly took a small break in all the planning just to mourn. I felt like all of the wedding stuff was so trivial compared to our loss and it was hard to get back in it and be excited. I had to remind myself that my uncle loved me and would have wanted me to be nothing but 100% happy & excited. We are including him in a few different ways and I hope he is watching down on us, he may not be here physically, but he is here in spirit always! I pray that God heals your heart day by day and that your big day is magical!

Oh, and if he was going to be the one that was going to walk you down the aisle... small picture of him on your bouquet... so he still gets to.

I love Prezzy's idea. That is so sweet.

Please accept my condolences for your loss. My grandfather was my "dad" too and I adored him. It broke my heart when he died. I know how deep your grief is. You're in my prayers for comfort, strength, and healing.

Hillary,

I send you my most sincere condolences. MY grandmother passed away recently, and I had to DJ a wedding the day after flying back from her funeral. I am not able to be emotional at a wedding, but you are. There is nothing wrong with shedding a tear or two on your wedding day, but just be strong, and hang in there. Focus on the beauty that is life and remember that your wedding day is a celebration of love. Also, know that your grandfather's spirit will be there with you every step of the way. Not just at your wedding, but for the rest of your life I hope this helps Peace. -Dave

"Free your heart and the world will follow"

Best,

David Leeds | 619-674-9747

www.goldnuggetentertainment.com

www.facebook.com/weddingdjsandiego