Long-Distance Bridal Party

Do they live in the same town? Maybe you can travel to them for a bachelorette party. I am asking my girls to party with me in the city where most of them live, which is where I happen to have lived for several years. If the two that don't live there can't make it, I'll understand.

I think you do have to have realistic expectations, though, and know that it's possible that a shower and bachelorette party may not be happening for you. As I've read repeatedly here, all we can really expect of our bridal parties is to dress how we want and stand beside us on the day.

I completely understand you, I have my girls 6 hours, 5 hours, 4 hours, and 10 minutes away from me mostly all in different states. I'm trying not to expect too much as a way of parties being thrown for me, but they all have each other's phone numbers in case they did feel like throwing me anything. All of my girls are at least a little financially strapped and so I'm just trying to find times that work best for them for dress shopping and trying to go from there. Talk with them about what they feel comfortable financially spending for wedding things (dresses, shoes, travel for the wedding) and then try and adjust your expectations to something that they may be able to achieve.

@GreatNewHites: They both live in different places. My sister lives in Nova Scotia, Canada and my FSIL lives in Rhode Island. I live in Virginia (and the wedding will be in Virginia). I understand that they only need to show up and wear a dress, but they're asking what their responsibilities are and how they can help. I don't like to ask people to do things, especially if it's going to cost them money.

They don't need to throw any kind of party for you. I have two bridesmaids in the same city and 3 live in different states and one lives in a different country. I chose them because they are my closest friends. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me.

Ask what their budget is for everything, especially dresses. That way you don't make them spend more than they are comfortable with.

I only have my best friend here with me for planning and the other 4 girls plus flower girl live in Illinois (18 hours from us). In addition, 1 groomsman lives 2 hours away from us, another 18 hours away in Illinois and the other 5 minutes for them. We've kind of come to terms with the fact that we'll have to sacrifice any possibility of pre-wedding festivities. Our bridal party is not as financially set as we are so traveling for them is difficult. Our Bridal Party will be arriving the weekend before so they can at least go out for a pre-wedding celebration. With picking dresses, we're flying to see them and doing a whole weekend of it, a one shot deal basically. Other than the pre-wedding celebration, the only other time they'll be able to contribute is the attire but those two events are it. We are celebrating with our friends down here if we have a bachelorette party, it's just what it is, life is life and you gotta take the small things.

Try to travel to them is my best advice

I have a few long distance bridesmaids as well. I am making sure to ask them their opinions on dresses and invitation, centerpieces, flowers, menu and more. I have also given them access to my pinterest boards. This way they can be a part of the planning and give their input without having to spend money and travel. They are coming in a few days before the wedding to help with everything too.

I apologize in advance for the snarkiness, but: why are you trying to "think of ways for them to contribute"? That's on them to offer to host a party for you if you travel there or to offer to travel to you. They're not obligated to throw any pre-wedding parties if it's not feasible.

My sister is my MOH and she's out of state. There's not really anything to "handle" there. She picked a dress herself and will be there the weekend of my wedding. I'm still having a shower and bachelorette party because friends in town offered to throw those.

I was in the same boat, and it was trick in so so many ways. Sadly, didn't get a shower but they banded together with local friends of mine to do a bachelorette for me

That is really tough geographically! I know you said they may not be able to take any extra time off during the wedding, but maybe you can ask directly if they'd be able to come in 2-3 days early for some girl time. Your wedding is still plenty of time away for them to plan for that, but I understand it's hard to ask much of other people!

I have one BM that lives in Chicago, the rest of us live in Calgary. I am not requiring her to do anything other than show up on the wedding day. I do hope she will be able to attend the shower and bach party but I understand that is an extra cost. We are planning on doing the bach party a few days before the wedding so she can attend still.

Great question! I'm in a similar boat (2 hours NE from here, 2 hours NW, 6 hours S, and 15 hours S). My MOH (one of the 2 hours away ones) is working with the other one who's 2 hours away to plan a shower where I live, and FH's aunt is throwing a shower in between the two farther ones. If there is a bachelorette party, it would probably have to be right before the wedding.

I was on the same boat! All my BMs and my parents are so far that driving into the city was out of the question, and flying in wasn't cheap.

Regarding planning, I just created a Facebook private group and we chatted there - mainly to decide dress colours/styles, or to answer their questions. They did try to organize a shower in the city where they live, and they asked me to help them organize a small bachelorette/night out in here a few days before the wedding.

My whole BP was spread out across the US. Which is why I was so happy to be on WW. Cause you can talk about weddings all the time on here without driving people too crazy

For talking, we used Facebook. It was pretty easy. Anytime i sent a message they were all great about getting back with me.

My BMs live in Mass and PA. They took it upon themselves to all come down here Labor Day weekend and surprise me with a shower, I had no idea. They will take care of you, I'm sure. Give them their contact information, they can adult I promise.

I only have one local BM. Two live about 4 hours away and 1 is on the other side of the country (MOH). When my MOH came home for a few weeks in the summer I took her and my local BM to the city where the other two lived. We bought their dresses and had a (pretty laid back) bachelorette party.

I think what you might actually be thinking is that they may want to contribute. I know my girls have wanted to be involved and feel kind of sad that distance makes that difficult. Mine each spoke to me and mentioned things they would like to do. I have made the effort to make them feel involved. Like sending them pictures of my dress, going to visit for the weekend to help them find shoes, etc. Just do what you can and they will do the same.

I had 7 bridesmaids spread across 5 different states. None of them lived in the town I did. You don't need to think of ways for them to contribute. You can send them texts/emails about dress shopping and things like that. As far as parties, that's up to them. You may have to travel to them (if they're near each other). Or we did my bachelorette party the Thursday before my Saturday wedding so my friends only had to fly in one extra day early. It was stressful but a lot of fun.

You plan and celebrate with your FH.

I have 7 bridesmaids and only 1 of them lives in the same city as me (NYC). Granted 6 of the 7 live in NY state we're all over the state and one is in North Carolina. I'm having 2 bridal showers to help accommodate locations for everyone. One will be thrown by my mom in upstate NY and another in NYC by my MOH. I've told them all they certainly don't need to come to both and they can choose which one is easier for them to attend and if they can't come to either that's fine too. I just tried to make it clear there's no pressure to travel.

We're all on an email chain together too so I sent them a link to the bridesmaid dresses and found stores near each of them so they are able to find the dress without having to travel.

I am totally in a similar boat-- I live in California, my sister/MOH lives in Arizona, and the rest of my gals live on the East Coast (one moving to London next month!). It is tough not having them here-- mostly because you want to have fun planning sessions over wine-- but I've found that creating secret interest boards with them about fun wedding ideas, bridesmaids dresses, hair.makeup, etc. has really helped to get them involved. I also sent pics via text/skyped them into my dress shopping, started a text chain where they could share the bridesmaids dresses they found (I gave guidelines and let them pick to allow for varying budgets and styles). They are all working together to throw me a bachelorette a few days prior to the wedding.

I found this article really helpful in articulating what I wanted from them and the kind of experience I hoped they would have with this wedding:

http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/02/wedding-party-alternatives-non/

Anyone can plan a shower or bachelorette for you--it doesn't have to be a member of your wedding party. We actually had an offer of a shower (which we declined), and two people who offered to host bachelorette parties (which we accepted). None of these came from our wedding party, both of whom were out of town.

Of course, you have no guarantees of a shower or a bachelorette even if you have a local wedding party. But don't assume that you won't get parties just because your wedding party isn't local.

I know your pain, one in Colorado, one in Washington DC, one in California, and one in Canada and I'm in Hawaii. Since my family is just about as spread out too I ended up not having a shower. My bachelorette party was a small thing the afternoon of the rehearsal. We went to play mini golf (with a lot of fun games my sister/MOH came up with) and then went to a bar after. The rehearsal was at 5 so we kept it low key but still had a blast! Since everyone had to be there for the rehearsal the Friday before anyway, it was easy to ask them to just come a little earlier that day.

As for how they helped, one friend is super crafty so she made an adorable banner that said Aloha to hang on the table with the programs and card box and such. My sister was great to show pictures of things and get her opinion and she organized the party the day before. She was also super helpful during the rehearsal and wedding making sure I had everything I needed, directing people where to go, having a second copy of our timeline, etc. I had a DOC but she just took it upon herself to be sort of a second person of contact.

I think as long as you include them (if they're interested) in what is going on, like a picture of your jewelry or asking them to decide between different shoes, that would probably be enough. As for the shower and bachelorette party, if you don't have anyone else nearby to throw those things, you may have to go without. I'm still kind of bitter I didn't get a shower, but there's no single place that I could have more than 5 people invited so it's no one's fault.

Hope that helps!