Living together before wedding?

I have no first hand experience with this, but I was at a wedding at a Catholic church recently where the couple lived together for several years before they got married and they had no problems. This may vary from place to place, though, so I would check the rules of the specific church you want to be married in...

I am not religious at ALL so take this with a grain of salt.

I do know a couple that lived together for YEARS before getting married in a catholic church and the priest did ask if they were living together. They were in their 30s at the time. The bride gave her parent's address as her residence and they used their address together as the groom's address.

Not sure how comfortable you would be doing something like this (lying, essentially) to a priest if you are religious, but there it is.

And this is reason **** why I am a non believer. Lol.

My parents got married 30 years ago in the Catholic church. They were both in their late 20's and living together. They "lied" to their priest (feigning ignorance meant he could marry them without issue from the higher ups in their church) about living together and had no problems. Not saying that's the way to go, but it's an option.

I'd check with your specific church, but I do think nowadays people either don't ask or don't care.

Both my daughters getting married this year are living with their FH's. Neither wanted to lie about their situation because they are not ashamed of it. They were completely honest with the priests and neither had an issue with it (different churches, different states, different diocese). One couple is completely done with their pre-marital prep and the other just needs to attend their retreat.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I don’t want to lie either I just know my cousins priest wouldn’t marry them because they lived together so I was curious and worried

My parents were married in the catholic church after living together for the majority of their relationship and had no issues getting married. I also have another friend that is Catholic and she and her (now) husband lived together prior to getting married and had no issues getting married in the Church.

I personally don't know of anyone that has had issues getting married in the church (any church, not just Catholicism) even thought they lived together prior to getting married.

Not that it's the same, but my FH and I are Methodist and we have had zero issues with our pastor. Our pastor is actually good friend of ours and he is going to be officiating our wedding and another couple's wedding that is also living together. A different pastor from our church officiated a wedding of one of our friends and they have a little girl and have been living together for almost two years and they had no problem getting married.

I've heard of people having issues, but I think it depends how strict the priest/church is. All parishes are different, so you never really know until you ask.

We are getting married in the Catholic church and live together. I was nervous to tell our priest, but I didn't want to lie about it either. He was totally cool with it (but he is pretty laid-back also).

This has first hand happened to me...

My Fiance and I lived together for a few years before applying to get married in the Catholic Church. Once we applied and started our classes the subject came up and we were HONEST with the Priest and told him we were in fact living together. He refused to marry us unless I moved back to my parents house until after we are married. So that's our current situation... lol. From what I have heard- different churches/different Priests have different opinions on the issue so you may be okay! I've also had friends who have lied with no issues so it's really just your judgment call!

View Quoted Comment

Yep - and I have a friend who was six months pregnant at her Catholic wedding (no hiding it, she was not trying to) and the priest calls her in and makes her admit she has sinned. While people are filing into the ceremony. She was like, "Now?" So she stands up, puts her hands on her hips and says "So I sinned. See ya downstairs."

It all depends on how strict the priest is. I would not recommend lying to a priest though. I am not religious but that does not sound good......

You should absolutely not move in with your fiance before getting married. Please reconsider what you are attempting to do. Talk to your priest about this - just be honest, and he will provide good counsel.

All the best to you. 😊

View Quoted Comment Your view of someone can change drastically after living with them. Which is why I wanted to live with my FH before I even got engaged. No way I was going to commit to someone without even knowing if our dynamic living together would work.

I understand some people prefer to wait to live together until marriage, and that's totally fine. But a complete stranger has no place to tell someone not to live together before marriage. Just like I have no place to tell another stranger that they must live with their FS before marriage. That's a highly personal choice two partners in a relationship should make.

OP wasn't asking whether she should move in with her FS before marriage. She was asking about any potential issues that may arise with Catholic priests marrying them if they already live together.

OP- I just went to a friend's wedding in a Catholic church. She lived with her now husband for years before tying the knot. The priest had no issue with that. I'm sure it does vary from priest to priest, so I would ask to be sure.

I think it depends on the pastor/priest. My Baptist pastor wouldn't marry anyone who was living together before hand, but I'm asking my uncle (also a baptist pastor) to marry us, anyway. It's super looked down on in my church, thought we've long since stopped attending/moved, so I'm not advertising that we live together, but I'm not lying about it, either.

It really depends on the priest and/or diocese. Right after Pope Francis became pope, he actually married several cohabitation couples, but typically the Church frowns on cohabitation because usually that means sex before marriage. A priest may be more or less likely to give a go ahead on a wedding depending on how well the couple understands the Catholic views of marriage and chastity. If you’re following the catechism even though you’re cohabitating, I feel like most priests will be understanding.

Just a few months before our wedding, my FH and I are going to move in together. Our entire relationship has been long distance, so after 5 years (it’ll be 5 years at that point), we really want to live in the same city. Plus I won’t have anywhere to live once I finish grad school. We will work it out with our priest somehow.

View Quoted Comment Oh my god! This is one of the most horrible things I’ve seen a priest do in situations like this. If he had said that to me, or made me do it, I would have been finding a new priest. Did he make the groom also admit he had sinned? Did they have to give details of exactly how the baby was conceived , in case anybody was confused about how there was a baby in her belly? I’m so
mad even reading this!

I am not Catholic, and I had a nondenominational Christian priest say the same thing. I had another say they understood it was a financial hardship, so sleeping in different bedrooms is okay too. We have lived together for 3 years, and are buying a house together in the next several months, so I opted for a pastor that was more in line with our views.

I'm not Catholic and don't know the Catholic views, just wanted to input my situation.
A little backstory, I moved in with my FH to get out of an abusive relationship & we just barely decided to date. We got engaged 3 weeks later. My FH asked our pastor (we also have a reverend) if one them would marry us. They knew we lived together, and he asked if we are intimate. My FH said that we was and the pastor said that they are ok with us living together but we couldn't be intimate. So I can either sleep in the other room or move out for 3 months, after the 3 months they would marry us.
*Sorry so long & sorry if I misspelled words.

View Quoted Comment Hahahah. I couldn’t agree more.

View Quoted Comment

Wow. What exactly is the OP attempting to do? Live with someone they love? Not have to pay for two apartments when they're right out of grad school? Wait until after they're married to start a new job?

Op- be honest with your priest, there is no reason to start your marriage off with lies. Hopefully your specific priest will understand your situation. If they don't, then maybe you should look for someone more inline with your life.

I’ve heard of this happening, and frankly knowing that it was even a possibility was enough to make me definitively over the line of not getting married in the church. (I was undecided, but my FH is agnostic and wasn’t raised with religion.) That said, my cousin lived with her now husband 9 years and got married in a Catholic mass. She didn’t lie, but I think she said they suggested she should move out at her pre Cana class...she didn’t.

It’s my understanding that most people lie. Are you comfortable with that? It is also my understanding that you wouldn’t have a full mass if he’s not Catholic- are you ok with that? You have to now decide if all of the hoops you have to jump through are worth it to be married in The Church!