Lingering resentment

She's probably adjusting to her married life.

Reach out and ask if she wants to do coffee

"Hey so and so- I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever- you wanna get together and do coffee?- you can tell me about married life!"

For what it's worth, you have a lot of time before you need to think about your bridal party. Things could change between you two by this fall.

If she hasn't contacted you or anything else then I think the "friendship" or lack thereof speaks for itself. Plus it sounds like you already know adding her to your bp would just be troublesome

I'm definitely waiting quite awhile until I ask anyone to be in the bp, but as I'm planning/researching its weighing on my mind. We have gotten together with the other girls who were in her bp, and its been nice enough. But our friendship just isn't the same. Her and her cousin, who was also a bm, haven't spoken at all since the wedding bc of how my friend treated her. I guess the best option is to just wait and see how things play out, it's just driving me crazy!

If your wedding date is accurate, I would hold off to about 9 months before to ask. Things may change. Like others said, she may be in an adjustment period and things might still feel hectic. Maybe reach out and see if you can meet up some time. Maybe you can talk about what the first few months have been like for her. If things return to normal, then maybe you can invite her to be in your wedding party. If you having a falling out, then c'est la vie.

I was in this same exact situation. Her sister got pregnant so she made me her MOH just in case her sister couldn't be there. I spent over $1000 for her wedding and I felt the same as you did. Like I was being used. I've known her since high school and decided to make her a bridesmaid since I considered us friends but as time went on I felt the only reason we still talked was because she was in my bridal party. My wedding was a year ago and I've maybe talked to her 4 times since then and only bc I called her. She doesn't call me and I gave up trying to be her friend. She's always been the person who doesn't call you or answer anyone's phone calls. Its weird and I'm too old to be dealing with that shit so I stopped trying to get in contact with her. Your friend reminds me of my "friend". I doubt she will care if she's not a bridesmaid since she doesn't care enough to talk to you now.

I don't think you should opt her out because she hasn't contacted you. Have you contacted her? I know I don't talk to my friends every day but they're still my friends.

Life happens and we can't always reach out to friends as often as we'd like, especially if we don't live in the same city.

Jo gave some solid advice. Catch up with her, rekindle the friendship, and then when it comes time to choose your bp, you'll have a better idea as to if you want to include her.

I think the "maybe she's just busy" excuse is bullshit and a way to make people feel better about the situation. Everyone is busy, if someone is important to you, you make time. An email, a card or text, take less than a minute. In reality friendships fade in life and it doesn't mean that people hate each other it just means life changes. That's my two cents. If it's important to you send a text or email. If it's important to her she will respond.

I must say, I'm not very good about reaching out to people. Like I rarely contact my friends from childhood or college (9 years out). But, I do think of them fondly and often! What was your dynamic like before the wedding? I bet if you reached out and said you'd love to catch up and talk wedding planning she would be excited!

Why are you thinking about bridal party now? You're getting married in September 2017. Wait a year before you pick bridesmaids and if you guys still aren't close, then don't pick her.

Same. Exact. Situation.

I ended up picking her as my bm. It was almost causing me more stress trying to figure out how to justify not putting her in the bridal party as it would be to have her in it.

I feel for you, because I had the exact thing happen to me. After the wedding she didn't contact me unless I contacted her and when I stopped contacting the communication stopped. We drifted apart, grew into different people, and due to some things she's done as a different person she's not even invited to my wedding. This will absolutely end our friendship. But truthfully, the friendship that I treasured had ended long before. You need to decide what is going to be most comfortable for you. Something my FBIL said to me was your bridal party doesn't have to consist of people you've known forever and who you feel indebted to. It should consist of people you love, support you, and will make you feel comfortable on your day. It doesn't matter if you've known them 14 years, or 14 days.

I wouldn't even think or announce the BP until your at least reach a year out. But, people are different. For some, it's life as usual for others they focus more on the transition. After my wedding my closest family and friends saw little of me. I got hit at work with end of year stuff as well as new projects coming at me earlier than expected, along with the new adjustment.

@liza a your response really resonated with me. I think we haven't been friends for awhile and planning a major life event and seeing her not interested in anything in my life has really put things in perspective. It hurts because she's someone I considered a close friend since childhood, and another one of my close friends and I parted ways over the summer. I feel like my support system is lacking a bit and I always end up being the person other people call when they need help but don't bother to ask me how I'm doing. My family isn't very close and my parents are divorced, so I don't have a big family rallying behind me while planning this wedding.

@missetobemrsb never got a thank you note, or really any kind of thank you after the dust settled. She also went over her budget on plenty of things (I know because she told me) but didn't really treat her wedding party that well. She insisted that we dress up for her rehearsal, then gave us cold pizza from a grocery store in the church basement. She didn't want to rent a limo because she said she would rather spend the money elsewhere, like on her honeymoon, and then asked the bridesmaids to car pool/figure out transportation from her house to ceremony to pictures to reception 2 weeks before the wedding. I was willing to treat her like the most important person on earth because I knew her wedding was special to her, but now I'm wondering if she'd do the same. She is a teacher, so she's had more time off work than most (including myself) around the holidays. I know people have things going on, but in 4 months I think she could find the time to check in or say hey now that it's all said and done I'm really glad you were there for me and I appreciate it.

Our situations are very similar I dropped $600 on her wedding, never got a thank you, and was left to help pick up the pieces and details of the wedding. Cutting her out was hard, but I know she would never return the work that I put into her day for me. We had been best friends since 2nd grade. Keep the few people that are supportive close (just talking to my grandmas has been AWESOME) and you'll be so much better off. Happy to help!

We had close friends (or so we thought) that were busy every time we wanted to hang out but had new jobs so we understood. They told us they were "definitely coming to our wedding". Well, they never showed. No call. No explanation. It's been 4 months. DH & I are salty. All it takes is a text "hey I am so sorry but we are sick and can't make it but hope you have an amazing day!" But nothing. Because of that I just don't feel the need to continue a "relationship" where they never seem to have time for us. It's not that I hate them, I just don't want to put effort into it if they are ok just standing us up on our wedding day.

That being said, I agree you have time to figure it out still but my question would be: "would your wedding planning experience be better or worse with her?" If you can't see yourself doing it without her, then ask. But if she'd just cause more stress I'd say no.

I agree with pps that you have plenty of time to decide on your bp. I think you should see about reaching out to her and seeing if she wants to go for lunch or a drink. See how that goes. If she doesn't want to go or is only interested in talking about herself while you hang out, then I would take that as a sign that she shouldn't be in your bp. If you go out and then don't hear from her again, then she shouldn't be in the bp. I just think you really need to use the time to you to figure out if you have gone your separate ways or if you want to salvage the friendship.