Lingerie Shower??

P.S. I have another account on here, but my BFF uses WW too and I didn't want her to know it was me.

Can you ask her mom why she thinks she needs one?

ETA: I say this because maybe she mentioned wanting one to her mom or something. If not, I wouldn't host one if she won't enjoy it. Or maybe just host a tiny one with only a few friends and lots of alcohol to take away the uncomfortableness.

Does the bride like to swim, or will she be going to a beach location for the honeymoon? I've heard of substituting swimsuits for lingerie at bridal showers before. What is she into?

Ask your friend what she would like. It'd be weird to have showers back to back like that though. If she doesn't want a lingerie shower, respect that.

Her mom thinks she needs one because her mom wants her to have one and she is basically controlling the entire wedding planning process (the bride wanted a very very small, very intimate wedding, her mom wanted 200+ people--they're having 200+ people...).

Literally every detail of the wedding is being planned by the bride's mother, because they are paying and the bride doesn't know how to say no to her mom...

She likes to swim somewhat, but doesn't go often enough to warrant more than one or two swimsuits, and the honeymoon is not near a beach...thanks for the idea, though!

She's really into sports and outdoorsy things, like soccer, tennis, basketball, hiking, biking, running, etc...

Maybe make it classy. I'm the exact same way and would hate it. You could have people bring gift cards to stores where she could pick out her own personal items (Victoria's Secret, Kohls, etc). They could attach them to something personal (lotion, bubble bath, chocolates, and so on).

To me it seems like she needs to stand up to her mom. I understand they're paying for it, but it's still her wedding and they should respect her wishes. And just don't host it if you know she won't like it. If her mom wants the lingerie shower so bad, then she can host it herself. (We all know how awkward that would be buttttt the bride doesn't want it in the first place so then the mom would be reluctant to host it). Problem solved.... hopefully haha

I have a very open family and conversations about sex are no biggie for us.....and I would find a lingerie shower weird (even though I have heard of them plenty before). The idea of being intimate with FH in something purchased for me by my Nana gives me the creeps.

Chances are people aren't going to want to spend their time and money picking out something not appreciated by the bride. Maybe suggest to her mother one activity surrounding lingerie or something sexy, but not the theme of the shower.

You would think her mom would know that's not what she would want.. But I guess not. Hm, you ask HER what she wants!!

Ask your friend if she wants a lingerie shower. If she says she's not interested at all, go back and tell mom you won't do it because the bride is uncomfortable with the idea of one.

If she is, I think there are ways to class it up and make it more comfortable. Let guests know the bride would prefer gifts not be too racy, and suggest things like cute pajamas or nighties so she'll be less embarrassed. You could also let the bride select the guest list, and only invite her closest friends (maybe that shouldn't include female relatives).

I would just straight tell them this isn't something that would make her comfortable. Why do they want to throw another shower? She'll probably get lingerie at the original shower anyways. Plus are the same people being invited to both? I would think it weird to be asked to 2 showers/2 different shower gifts....

Just tell her mom you think it's a bad idea.

Because- mom's throwing underwear parties for their daughters is effing weird if you ask me.

Why don't you ask your friend what she would like? We did a lingerie shower in conjunction with my bachelorette, same for all of my other friends, so it was only those closest to the bride.

Unless you have 2 separate guest lists to me this would be fairly tacky. I would find it pretty rude if I was asked to go to 2 showers and bring 2 gifts for the same person 2 days in a row. Honestly at that point I would feel like they were being pretty greedy and I would be a little irritated even going to the one (and would 100% turn down the invite to the second). That's a lot to ask of people. IMO, you either get a lingerie shower or a traditional shower and not both. The only exception would be if you split the family and did something like the grooms family was invited to one and the brides family was invited to the other. Though personally I prefer one shower when possible because I think it's nice for people to get to meet and spend time together prior to the wedding. This to me is really only a good option if families live far apart.

We've planned lingerie showers as part of bachelorette parties for 3 of my close friends. It was much less awkward in that setting than with family present. Each one was maybe 6-8 people. This could be a great compromise! If you're planning a bach already, you could add it to the festivities so mom is happy, bride gets some fancy new lingerie, and this doesn't have to be a public show. I am very open about sex, and I still wouldn't want my mom and grandma to attend a lingerie shower for me.

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone!!

I was thinking the same thing about having two showers in a row and that being tacky.

I think her mom is just excited about planning a wedding and wanting everything to be perfect.

I will talk to the bride and her mom and the other bridesmaid and see if maybe instead of another shower we could just do a sort of fun bachelorette party. I think my BFF would like that more anyway, she she gets very uncomfortable when receiving gifts (she's always hated her birthday and tried to keep people from remembering it every year to avoid these things).

Hopefully we can come up with something fun to do that won't make her uncomfortable.

I would suggest to her mom that when you do something for her Bachelorette you guys will take care of her.

I am another one who wouldn't want anyone else buying me underwear of any type. But maybe you guys could get her some cute pjs for a gift and be done.

I told my family and bridesmaids no lingerie, underwear, etc. I have plenty of underwear, don’t like lingerie, and don’t wear cute pajamas or sets because they never fit. My family thinks I’m crazy 🤷🏻‍♀️ But that’s okay! I just think it’s weird for people in your life especially family members to be part of that very private part of my life. I would never want to open anything like that as a gift, especially in front of others! I would be so embarrassed!

View Quoted Comment Exactly!! Just weird!!

View Quoted Comment Agreed!! So awkward and takes the fun right out of it!