Limited Bar... acceptable?

Beer, wine, and soda is what we are hosting as well. I understand the point about not requiring your guests to open up their wallets at your wedding, but I don’t see it the same way. They have alcoholic options (most drink either beer or wine anyway) but for the few who don’t drink those, at least they have the option to get the drink they really want. I’d rather have the option to buy a mixed drink than be told I couldn’t have those because the host thought it was rude for me to have to bring a wallet.

UPDATE: I guess I didn't add, we have a package for beer, wine and soda. Liquor isn't included and is an extra cost. My FH family is heavy drinkers (every wedding I have been to with them at least 3/4 of the adults have been drunk, where they even ended up throwing up). I'm not going to cut all the alcohol options because of his family being heavy drinkers. But I don't want to give that extra option so they can get extremely drunk and even more of a cost. If they want to get drunk off of my package sure since it's all included, but since liquor isn't included, I don't want to pay extra for them to end up throwing up. I also added the blackout drunk part because my FH was part of an fraternity in college, he will be inviting some of those guys, they are the classic "Let's get drunk" guys. Which is why I'm asking if it's acceptable.

Also, the venue has options of cash bar, tabs (we set X amount for alcohol and it's free until that) or open bar.

View Quoted Comment

Sad but true - they will bring their own supply and get hammered somehow.

View Quoted Comment I find this so interesting!

I think what is throwing so many people off is that we've kinda been told that the US is waaaaay less formal than the UK. We tend to be much more casual in the way we dress and how we address people.

What you are describing is a potluck type of event. This is totally acceptable for informal gatherings- like everyone getting together for the Super Bowl or something.

We consider potlucks to be very informal, and, therefore, something as important as a rehearsal dinner or a shower or reception should be held to a higher standard. This means the host provides everything.

Which is why this is so interesting to me. Because, apparently, we seem to be less formal in everything except hosting parties. Obviously, if that is the norm in the UK, go for it.

I reiterate my first response and add a bit more- keeping in mind US customs and etiquette. I would either offer everything for free or only wine and beer. If I wasn't a wine or beer drinker, I would rather not have any options at all than to have to pay for my options.

In my mind, if only wine and beer were served and I drank liquor, I would blame myself for not liking beer or wine and just shrug my shoulders at my loss.

However, I know I would be more than a bit salty and bitter if I had to pay for my amaretto sour while everyone else got free wine and beer. Like seriously? I get punished because I don't drink wine or beer? That would totally be my thought process.

In other words, I blame myself if the option of liquor isn't offered. I blame YOU if it is offered, but I have to pay for it.

I've been to many weddings where they have a full open bar during cocktail hour and once dinner starts it switches to wine and beer (sometimes a signature cocktail) but if you want to continue to drink liquor then it's a cash bar. I think this comes down to knowing your crowd and understanding if you make an unpopular choice there could be push back from family or guests.

I think the way you plan on doing it is fine .. I’ve been to many weddings that went open bar and I’ve never had an issue with it, I’ve actually never even gave it a second thought.. I understand it’s not proper etiquette but there are numerous other things that aren’t considered proper etiquette that people on here and in general do on an everyday basis .. personally I would like to have the option to purchase whatever I would like to drink.. wether it be cash bar the whole time or some cash bar

Red wine can have 12-15% alcohol. If you're worried about people getting drunk, you're still paying for that possibility. Honestly, etiquette aside, if I went to a wedding that had unlimited beer and wine, I wouldn't spend money on different alcohol. It'd be better to just offer what is hosted.

View Quoted Comment Gemma was referring to bringing dishes to a BBQ, not a wedding reception. She said the bride and groom would pay for the wedding, breakfast, and food in the evening but guests would be responsible for drinks. She said if she was at an event at someone’s house, like a BBQ, she would bring alcohol and/or food.

Not trying to be rude - just pointing it out.

I live in Ireland, not the UK but we’re neighbors! We were invited to our first European wedding. All our Irish friends have told weddings here typically last until 3 or 4 AM. Which would make an open bar package so hard to afford haha so we’re not expecting it, will be interesting! We know there’s a cocktail hour and dinner reception and that’s it haha. Also, we’ve been told weddings here are usually two day events. The bride and groom coming up are hosting everyone the following day for a BBQ and softball and a light dinner. Similarly, a friend of mine here getting married at the end of year is currently trying to plan her day two events. Just adding some things I’ve learned!

View Quoted Comment My husband was in a fraternity in college and at least twenty of his brothers came. They all, including my husband, are “let’s get drunk guys” when they all get together. Just because they were in a fraternity doesn’t make them anymore likely to get drunk than any other person their age. My friends and I are all “let’s get drunk gals” when we finally get everyone together. Everyone was fine and respectful. There were zero issues and we know some heavy drinkers. But also everyone got drunk while behaving and enjoying themselves.

You cannot expect people not to get drunk at a wedding.

If your fiances family wants to black out, they will do it with beer and wine or they will just buy the liquor while talking about how its so unfair they have to open their wallets. Or they will bring their own. Making them pay won’t change their behavior. Not wanting to pay an additional cost for liquor on your tab because it’s too expensive is fine. Hosting beer and wine is fine. Not wanting to add liquor to your tab because you want people to pay themselves if they want to black out is not fine. That’s just silly. Host beer and wine fully - no liquor.

I guess I'm not understanding some of the "etiquette rule". Wouldn't you rather HAVE the option of liquor, whether it's cash or not, than not having the option at all?

I really don't understand how it would be rude for guest to pay for their liquor. Where I live, most weddings have beer (and sometimes wine) for free and everything else us a cash option. I don't see a problem with this and the way I look at it is if they are mad at me on my big day about not providing them with the liquor of their choosing, then I probably don't actually want them there.

That's what we are doing! Cocktail hour we are doing a signature cocktail, then wine and beer all night. I think offering liquor for purchase is totally acceptable.

View Quoted Comment

Because guests should not have to pay for anything, not their food, not their drinks, not their favors, not a photo from the photobooth, a dance with the bridal couple (dollar dance), a honeyfund, nothing. No one will be "mad" per say but some (not all, some) may get salty at having to pay for something when they are a guest at a gathering YOU are hosting. I invite people to our home, we offer beer, wine, maybe a Scotch from fiance. I don't drink at all but I want our guests to have an adult beverage. We don't charge them in our home, we won't charge at our wedding. A common response to this is: "Well we are having 100 people - that adds up!" Then don't invite 100 people - invite 25, 50 or however many you can afford to host.

View Quoted Comment This is l itterally the norm in our area and every wedding I have been to has been free beer, wine, and soft drinks and a cash option for everything else. No one around here gets salty or upset or mad about it. It is just how everyone does things. You had said about the dollar dance being wrong too because guests shouldn't pay for it. I have been to weddings where people are upset because they didn't do the dollar dance because its a norm in our area. Every area is very different and just because it is apparently "rude" in one area doesn't mean it is in another.

View Quoted Comment

OMG!!!! YES YES YES!!! My thoughts EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!! She is serving beer and wine for free not everyone drinks that, I know I don't and shouldn't be forced to because they are the only options, I would glady pay for my sex on the beach...thank you.

View Quoted Comment

Please do the liquor bar, not everyone drinks beer and wine.

Like it's been said on here before, have the alcohol be an option. As somebody who drinks mostly hard cider. (not a beer fan at all and really picky with wine) I'm used to having to pay a little extra to drink what I want.

I think this is totally fine! FH and I are beer snobs and don't drink wine at all and would appreciate having the option to buy a cocktail we would actually drink because most places do not serve beer we will drink. I know a lot of people feel differently about this but I would rather buy my own drink than only have free options of alcohol that we won't touch.

View Quoted Comment

I do agree with you on this..... I'd rather have the option to purchase liquor that I like than have nothing at all (or beer/wine if i don't drink it). No matter how many times you ask the WW forum, you will see the same answers... it's rude, I never bring cash, guests should never open their wallet, this is your thank you to the guests for coming to your wedding, would you charge them to drink in your home, no cash bar, etc. Just do what you can afford and what you think is best for you and your guests.

I’ve worked wedding banquets as a server and bartender, and I have noticed when people have open bars, guests can take advantage. When I clean up at the end of the night, there are so many drinks that get left behind that guests forgot about or misplaced and then they just go get another. I’m planning my own wedding now, and I want to have drinks available, but maybe not completely open to anything they can imagine.