Limited Bar... acceptable?

View Quoted Comment If I host a party, bridal shower, bachelorette, family event, or dinner I never make my guests pay me. I host an open bar (even if it's limited to a few cocktails, wine, and beer).

Do you pay your hosts in the U.K.?

View Quoted Comment People are saying it's cheap and rude that she would ask people to pay for liquor. Exactly, you wouldn't mind and I don't think most people would... there is some free alcohol, it is nice enough that the bride and groom who are already spending 1000s have thought of their guests and offered to pay for some of their drinks. Again, it's obviously a cultural thing because over here it's usually a glass of champagne to toast and wine with the meal that's provided and that's it - everything else is cash!

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No, unless we're at a resturant we don't expect to pay for drinks at a party at someone's house, a bridal shower, family event, etc.

If you're hosting someone, the expectation is that you pay for their food and their drinks. When you invite someone to your home, do you charge them for a beer from your fridge? Are you charging for food at your wedding? A wedding reception is a time for you to thank your guests for attending your ceremony, and therefore they should be properly hosted. This may be a cultural difference, but my impression is this is considered proper hosting almost everywhere...

View Quoted Comment We just don't do that in the UK. I can't imagine having to pay for every meal and party I organise (I tend to be the person in my family that organises most things). Only rich people must host events in the U.S. ha. Just cultural differences obviously but I've never attended a wedding where there has been an open bar and I would never expect there to be one!

Frankly, I wouldn't mind the cash bar. But I rarely carry cash, so I would like to know about the details around the free/paid options so I could come prepared. Nothing is worse than encountering a cash bar and having no cash.

View Quoted Comment Exactly!

If I go to a party or bridal shower someone else is hosting I'm not bringing my pocket book to pay for my own drinks/food after I've already gotten them a drink. As I mentioned if you want to offer liquor as an option look into a consumption bar so you only pay for what is ordered vs an open bar; or offer a signature drink option. But to say come to my wedding and bring your own money because I don't want to pay for you to drink liquor is rude in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment It's not paying the host, it would be either bringing drinks to the party or paying for your own drinks at the venue. If I host events I usually try and cover as much as I can but we don't cover the whole cost of alcohol for everyone.

My FBIL did that for his wedding. It was full open bar for the cocktail hour and then for the rest of the night (about 6pm-11:30pm) beer and wine was free but you had to pay for mixed drinks. There was iced tea, lemonade and water in dispensers for non-alcoholic options. I know a few of his friends weren’t a fan and tried to order as many free mixed drinks as possible before the cocktail hour was over. I don’t know how other guests felt but I’d rather have all free (even if it’s just beer and wine) than some free and some not free.

View Quoted Comment I was in Europe and went to a dance hosted at a bar. There wasn't even any free water. I was told that was an American thing. So this doesn't surprise me at all. It's definitely cultural.

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I'm so confused... why would you throw an optional party that you can't afford? It's not just wealthy people who throw parties in America, and some are certainly BYOB, but asking somone to bring cash to help cover the costs of a party that you chose to throw and could have easily not thrown is something I've never heard of and sounds unbelievably rude to me...

View Quoted Comment I think I answered that but yes, guests are expected to pay for almost all their own drinks at weddings (apart from usually 1 glass of champagne and 2 glasses of wine that come with the meal)

There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. In fact I’ve seen it at multiple weddings I’ve attended. I’ve also seen a movement towards many couples offering only wine and beer, this is what we will be doing.

View Quoted Comment You pay for the wedding, I'm sure you know how much they cost. Have you ever been to a wedding ceremony that didn't have a reception? It's bringing cash to pay for the alcohol they would like to drink... I suppose you could not have a bar at all and just serve free tap water from the kitchen but I'm guessing that wouldn't be acceptable? Anyway this isn't really an argument I am just telling you that over here guests are expected to pay for their own drinks at weddings and my opinion was this woman should offer a cash bar for liquor as then it's there if people want it.

View Quoted Comment I'm not being mean and I know tone is hard to convey but I'm curious. When you go to a wedding do you pay the caterer for your food then?



If you host a dinner or shower do you pay the restaurant for your portion?


Does this change when you host a shower or dinner at home? Do you ask people to pay when they come to your home?

I find other countries etiquette interesting. I'm not being snarky I swear.

View Quoted Comment What?! No free water?!! 😵 That's so surprising! When I was in South America they had free water at every bar...hmmm i wonder how that logics out.

Do not have guests pay for anything. Have only beer and wine. When people say they don't want people getting "blackout drunk" I always think "Gee who the heck are you inviting? Delta Gamma Beta Fraternity?"

Guests should never have to pay for anything at a wedding.

View Quoted Comment No worries! No so you wouldn't pay for your food, bride and groom pay for the wedding breakfast and usually some sort of food later in the evening but all drinks are paid for by guests.

At other events, perhaps if you were invited to a birthday meal or baby shower at a restaurant, everyone would be expected to pay for themselves (both examples of events I've been to recently!) If it was an event at someone's house, I would show up with alcohol (couple of bottles of wine or something, my OH usually brings a case of beers) or for a BBQ I would bring sausages or something, checking with the host first what they would prefer me to bring!

I would prefer the option to purchase a liquor drink, and I do not see it as bad hosting since you are still hosting beer and wine. I'm super picky with beer and do not like most wine so I would be very disappointed if I didn't even have the option to buy something that I liked.

I don't really care for wine or beer, so I'd be sad about it. I probably wouldn't pay for drinks while others get them for free. I'd just choke down some wine and be salty about it haha. I think the drunkenness argument is flawed. It's not like they serve shots. One beer, a mixed drink, and a glass of wine are equivalent when mixed properly. The mixed drink just tastes better 😉

View Quoted Comment OK. Guests do not pay for their own meals at weddings in the UK, they can and do pay for meals for other events in restaurants - I've just posted another comment of what usually happens. I said I can't imagine paying for every meal I organise, I've just organised a meal at a restaurant for my OH's mum's birthday, we're covering the cost of her meal but certainly won't be paying for everyone else.

Your other comment about paying for soda and stuff as well, I know that's common practice in the US but it's not here. Not even soft drinks are free at UK wedding bars!