J
Dedicated August 2021

Letting Go of Original Date

Jillian, on May 28, 2020 at 9:19 AM Posted in Community Conversations 2 30
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Any brides who postponed having a hard time with accepting their new date? And grieving their original one?

I felt okay about it for awhile, but the closer we get to our original date, the sadder I feel. My FH does not want to do a micro-wedding this summer (he has a small, spread-out family. Many of them are high-risk and they haven't gotten together for a happy occasion in over ten years. So he wants the big party with all of them there to be our actual wedding, which I totally understand). I've always wanted to get married in July. It's my favorite month and we met in July, and 15 months ago when we booked July 18, 2020, everything seemed so perfect.

When we made the difficult decision to postpone, our venue didn't have any dates until August 2021. It didn't seem financially worth it to try and find a new venue with July dates. After all, it's only a couple weeks' difference.

But letting go of the dream, and the fact that I thought we'd be married in just over 50 days instead of 400+...that's really hard.

I'm sure lots of you are feeling this way and perhaps this has been talked about ad nauseam in these forums. And I do feel lucky that we found a new date, that all our vendors were available, and we are less likely to be putting anyone at risk to have the wedding we planned (hopefully next summer is better). I just needed to vent a bit to people who understand. Thanks for listening!

30 Comments

Latest activity by Jillian, on June 2, 2020 at 10:16 AM
  • C
    Dedicated April 2022
    Chris ·
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    Our original date was May 2nd and from the time we decided to postpone which we made the decision in mid March I was so down and felt so sad. The worst was the week leading up to our original wedding date and the worst day of all was when the original wedding date arrived. I played the timeline in my head throughout the whole day it was awful. But I must say I’ve felt sooo much better since that day passed.
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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that the journey leading up to your original date was so difficult, and I am glad you're feeling better now. When is your new date? This makes me look forward to July 19!

    • Reply
  • C
    Dedicated April 2022
    Chris ·
    • Flag
    You will definitely feel better come July 19th! It’s not easy at all but we can overcome so much Smiley smile
    My new date is August 29th this year. We are waiting to find out what sort of restrictions will be in place. We have less than 50 guests so hopefully that will help.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Savvy August 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Hi Jillian! I'm so sorry you're going through this. My fiancé and I were supposed to get married on a Saturday this August, but recently had to postpone to a Sunday in August 2021 (there were no summer 2021 Saturdays where all of our vendors were available). Letting go of our 2020 wedding date has been really hard - I completely resonate with all of the feelings you described. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone! Thinking of you!

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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    We got married a month before our original date because of COVID. Even after eloping, I was still so sad! I FINALLY got over it when I was able to secure a date for wedding photography at the end of June. We are not having a wedding celebration anymore but we are doing some neat photography. My husband will finally get to see me in my real wedding dress, and full hair and makeup! I refused to give up our moment in its entirety and it was only until recently that I felt happy about everything.


    We have to remember that marriage and a wedding day is a major life event. It is considered to be extremely stressful, and to have it postponed or canceled feels awful, especially after months of planning. You are allowed to be upset about this. I absolutely compare this to a grieving process. So don't beat yourself up for feeling upset, or angry, or crying over it. It is a loss, and no loss is easy.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    Yes, you are not alone!

    Our original date was May 30th, and I've always considered May to be my favorite month.
    When we started wedding planning I liked the idea of a late spring wedding but we didn't have a sentimental attachment to any specific date at all, but once we picked May 30th the more we planned around it the more it became our date. I work at a college and it was two weeks after graduation, which is one of the slowest times for me at work. My parents got married May 26th so it was also nod to them (my dad died when I was in college so having a way to tie in my parents felt nice knowing he couldn't be there). My FH had a suit custom made for the wedding and had the date and our initials embroidered on the inside.

    When Covid-19 forced us to cancel I was really broken.
    We rescheduled to June 12th of next year and it took a while to get used to the idea of our new date, but finally I was just like "that's our date and my FH's suit is wrong, oh well". Then last week my mom was diagnosed with cancer so we are now doing a minimony on our original date of May 30th and hoping we can do a larger wedding ceremony and reception next year. For our wedding, we wanted to get a guestbook that was one of those sky maps of the stars that is customized to the day and location you get married (my FH and I love the night sky and did a whole stargazing thing together on our first vacation early on in our relationship, plus he designs space parts) and now we have to come up with something else because it would be weird to have people sign something that is different from the date of the event they went to but also weird to hang something up that is not our marriage date. I don't know. It feels really weird to have "two" wedding dates and neither one really feels "real" anymore, but it is what it is at this point.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Totally understandable! Since it’s special, would you ever consider just the two of you getting legally married on your initial date? Then you can have “the big party” with everyone on your new date. We are in October and moving forward with getting married our date regardless... Whether that’s just the two of us for now or the entire event. We selected our “marriage” date for a reason and that’s the anniversary we want to celebrate.
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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    Oh, Kari, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I am glad you're still celebrating your love this weekend. I love your night sky idea. Maybe you can have two charts? Why not, right? As hard as it is to be a bride right now, I do think about how interesting it will be when we tell future generations about what it was like. Maybe two anniversaries will be a unique result of all this. Good luck with everything! My very best to your family.

    (I also work at a college, which was another enticing factor for a late spring/summer wedding.)

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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    Thank you, my very best to you! I will put all the good vibes out there for 8/29! I think less than 50 guests sounds very doable for end of August.

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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    Thank you, it's very nice to know. It's all so disappointing, but we will all make the best of it. Cheers to August 2021! Sounds like a great time to get married. Smiley smile

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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    Thank you, Jennifer. It's a strange time, but I think it's great that people are getting more creative with their celebrations. I am so glad you're celebrating with some great photography. Congratulations on your marriage!

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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    Thank you for the suggestion! I am happy that you're moving forward with your date. I was open to the idea of eloping or having a very small wedding this summer, but my fiance really wants the big celebration to be our actual wedding. My very best to you!

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  • M
    Savvy May 2020
    Meredith ·
    • Flag
    Our wedding was supposed to be in two days (May 30), and I have definitely been going through the grieving process. I will be fine one minute, and then something random triggers the most intense sadness. Like the weatherman talking about the “perfect, gorgeous weather” this upcoming weekend or a beautiful spring picture my venue posts on social media from weddings last spring. I keep thinking about what should be happening each day this week - our families getting to town early, getting my hair and nails done, taking welcome bags to the hotels, having our rehearsal dinner, my bridesmaids luncheon, etc. I pray that I feel better once May 30 is behind me so that I can start getting excited about our new date. Thinking of you all!
    • Reply
  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    I'm sorry you're going through this too, Meredith. I definitely relate to the triggers. We still have our original Save the Date on the fridge and every time I pass it, I get sad. My heart goes out to you and your fiance and I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

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  • Laura
    Savvy September 2021
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    I feel this 100%. Our date was June 20, 2020, which I loved because it was the first day of summer, the date looked awesome, but most importantly, it was Father's Day Weekend. I lost my father suddenly a few years ago to a heart attack and was very close to him so not having him at my wedding added a huge bittersweet element to the whole thing. Father's Day is hard enough as it is so to have to grieve our original wedding date in the same weekend is like a double whammy! My fiancé and I have agreed that we are going to do what we want on that date and that the opinions of others doesn't matter. My FMIL in particular was not supportive of our decision to get married legally before our new date next summer, which I didn't appreciate given that these are unprecedented times. I imagine that June 20 will be us spending time together, drinking wine, cutting into a small cake, and having a nice dinner at home. But it really is okay to grieve that day and find support in those brides who are going through the same.

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  • J
    Dedicated August 2021
    Jillian ·
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    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. That must make this time extra difficult. I am glad you are celebrating him and your love on your terms. Couples should be able to get married however they choose regardless, but especially right now. I'll be thinking of you on 6/20.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Awww.... ok! Well best wishes!!!
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  • Kayse
    Expert December 2020
    Kayse ·
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    Are you going to do anything special on your original date? I'm keeping my hair and makeup appointments and doing a bridal photo shoot. FH and I made a reservation for a nice dinner that night. It's helped me a lot.

    • Reply
  • F
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Fatima ·
    • Flag
    Tomorrow would have been our wedding day and I have been sad and moody all day. I’m sure I’ll be sadder tomorrow. It’s tough and it’s comforting to hear from other brides as well. Makes my feelings a little validated.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Dude i think that's so understandable! i'm not a bride planning a wedding anymore but i can definitely assure you that if it was me in your shoes i would be sad too.

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