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Meghan
Devoted April 2020

Let's hear some mil stories!

Meghan, on January 31, 2020 at 8:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 27
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Ladies, I just need to know I am not alone in this! My future MIL has not been easy to get along with throughout the wedding planning. Last week my FH and I found out that she contacted our venue and scheduled a walkthrough/meeting. She did not plan to tell either of us she had done this.

Last night, I got an email from the venue manager confirming my appointment to do a walkthrough with my wedding planner. LOL...what?! I explained that she didn't really tell us that she was coming or what she was wanting to do there. The venue manager checked with me to see if MIL had decision making abilities for us and informed me she would keep me in the loop.

Today I got an email from the venue asking for their contact info because they hadn't shown up yet (20 minutes after their appointment). She checked back in with me later in the day telling me they came with our DJ to check out potential floor plans/layout. She did let them know this was fine, but final arrangements were to be made my my wedding planner and me.

I am just so frustrated by the whole thing. Thankfully our venue has been great, but I need MIL to mind her own! Anyone else??

27 Comments

Latest activity by Sage, on February 1, 2020 at 11:44 PM
  • gratia01
    Devoted January 2021
    gratia01 ·
    • Flag

    Omg. My future MIL has been absolutely a nightmare. She disapproves of us getting married in the first place and has said a bunch of awful stuff about me to my fiance. I make him a worse person, I'm destroying their family, I'm a liar, I'm stealing from him or only care about his money (which he doesn't have much of in the first place?!). She wants nothing to do with planning the wedding and gets annoyed whenever it comes up, but if she does get any info she immediately goes into how bad of a plan it is and how rude/inappropriate it is to do what we want (literally tiny/ridiculous things, like having the ceremony in the afternoon rather than evening and not inviting someone who abused my fiance as a child). It's exhausting and infuriating and it's gotten to the point where we don't even want her there, but she's invited because we don't want to be accused of "ruining the family" any more.

    • Reply
  • Angelica
    Devoted August 2021
    Angelica ·
    • Flag
    Mine isn’t too involved with planning. She’s pretty dismissive. Never really wanted much to do with me. After 11 years of dating, he proposed. And when we told her, all she could say was “well, I guess he couldn’t wait anymore.” In my head, I was like “couldn’t wait?!, he waited 11 years!!!” I was so upset, still am. She did however suggest I wear a Sari/Saree for my wedding day, even though she herself wore a traditional American wedding dress on her wedding day. (Polish girl marrying a Jamaican) I’ve never once seen this woman in a sari/saree. Not even at the 2 Indian weddings we’ve gone to together! She then showed me a picture of the WHITE sari she was planning on wearing. I am absolutely devastated to say the least. I knew she never like-liked me, but I almost feel like she hates me. It hurts. Even after 11 years, it hurts. FH will be letting her know she cannot show up in anything white on our wedding day. (The anticipation is killing me inside!)
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  • Meghan
    Devoted April 2020
    Meghan ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear that! Mine has made sooo any snide remarks about some of our choices, but nothing like this. Keep your head up girl! You're doing great!

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  • Meghan
    Devoted April 2020
    Meghan ·
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    Omg that's terrible! So glad your FH has your back on this one! Wearing white would not be cool at all!

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  • Angelica
    Devoted August 2021
    Angelica ·
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    Ugh, thanks for the reassurance! I want to be respectful to her culture, and not be too picky, but she’s super Americanized and it’s never really never mattered before. And it’s white!!!! 😩 but yes, thank god for him! He always has my back! Love my guy!
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  • gratia01
    Devoted January 2021
    gratia01 ·
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    Thanks girl! Just been pushing through and trying to ignore her Smiley smile

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  • Missa
    Dedicated October 2020
    Missa ·
    • Flag
    For the most part, my FMIL is pretty okay! She’s very religious which she tries to push on me a lot and told my FH that my “spiritual condition was unclear” (like, what?) I go to church with him every Sunday and actually enjoy it, so it’s frustrating what I try to do isn’t enough. She mentions a lot how she wishes I didn’t live so far away (he moved 6 hours away to live closer to me) and how she mentions she should feel lucky because “at least I wasn’t living in another state”. She also just was talking to my dad saying how my FH never talks to his family anymore or calls them back, but when I spoke to my FH and looked at his text messages with him (because his definition of talking could mean a text a week) he was regularly texting his mom, more than me even!! She’s a sweet lady, but I think she needs to learn to let go a bit. Maybe once I’m a mom (in a long, long time) I’ll understand better. I try to be understanding, but sometimes it gets to me!
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    When do Jamaican's wear Sari's? She needs to learn to respect you at the very least. I am so sorry.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    My mil was annoying during the process. Love her though but there were things that were just annoying. E.g. she kept insisting that we do a prayer before the meal. She is a devout Christian. Ok well of our guests only 25% were Christian and I just didn't want to do that. She felt like it's not fair to that 25% that ARE Christian -_-
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated May 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    I love my MIL, but I would have really wished she would have stepped in when her daughter started disrespecting me repeatedly in her house. She is very nonconfrontational and just sweeps everything under the rug. I feel like we have to walk on eggshells at their house because she quickly changes the wedding conversation whenever we try to talk plans or just seems dismissive about the whole thing.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    My FMIL has not really been involved during the wedding planning at all. She offered initially to buy the alcohol for our wedding and we were super thankful. But then when FH told her when she needed to have to alcohol for, she pretty much said she only got 3 bottles and she isn't able to buy any. When I asked her if she is able to put money towards FSIL coming to my bachelorette party (FSIL is only 13- MOH is planning ) FMIL asked how long was SHE (meaning herself) was going to be at the bachelorette party for. I told her it's not her that's invited. It's solely bridesmaids only. She had a sour face and told me she'd "talk about it with me", over the phone. It's not anything that needs to be discussed over the phone though. Do you have the $50 dollars or not! LMAO you know what I mean? I have had SEVERE issues with my FMIL in the past 7 years. Her crossing numerous boundaries, showing up to our home almost every week unannounced. Fighting with me, calling me names. The whole nine yards. But she died down immensely when we stopped coming for holiday dinners, ignored her phone calls and toxic texts, she wasn't seeing her granddaughters as often, things like that. It's not that she's been unsupportive during our wedding planning. It's not like she's been pessimistic or anything, just not involved as we would have liked her. That's how she wants it, so that's how it is. We're not bending our backs to get her involved. We have our main support team and that's all that matters. Meghan, I don't know if your FMIL is paying a great deal for your wedding or what the situation is. But even if she IS, I feel like she should be running any decisions or meetings by you and your fiance. She's going way too far. I really do hope everything works out in your favour. All the best!

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  • Angelica
    Devoted August 2021
    Angelica ·
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    A lot of Jamaicans practice Muslim religion. I had no idea before I started dating my FH. Thanks for the support! I was worried I was being over dramatic!
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Ahhh because she's Muslim. Honestly some people take religion and culture too seriously. As long as you two are happy that's all that matters. Been there. I am so sorry.
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  • Monica
    VIP October 2021
    Monica ·
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    😩😩😩 not cool at all. Sorry
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  • Monica
    VIP October 2021
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    My MIL is okay. I have learned to understand her personality shes nice but underneath the niceness is a wholleee lot of pettiness. She hasn’t been involved in the planning process like at all, like not even a “hey hows it going?” I mean I dont need her fully involved but literally every person I talked to has asked the “hows wedding planning going” and MIL has literally not asked me not once. No questions about details or anything. I was NOT going to ask FHs family for financial help with anything but his family offered to pay for a mariachi which is nice & im very grateful. But this is where pettiness comes in she doesn’t ask questions cus im not her daughter so she doesn’t want to cross any lines (really after 13 years??) So instead to involve her I have to personally include her to give her information and if I dont she feels like she knows nothing about her son’s wedding. Also if anyone were to ask her if they helped w the wedding she would have to say No which is a bad look so they offered to pay for something.
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
    • Flag
    Oh gosh! That seems like crossing a line to me. Are you in laws paying for the wedding? Or is your mil just someone who constantly crosses lines? I also find it super odd she made the appointment without you knowing and then also brought your dj. Will you be confronting her?


    As for me, my MIL has been great. She lives 4 hours from us so we try to keep her in the loop. She is planning a bridal shower for me where she lives with her family since they all live 4 hours from us as well. Her fiance also volunteered to cut wood for us for our centerpiece wood slabs. She has been great. I feel lucky to have her as my mil. I know some brides arent always so lucky
    • Reply
  • Angelica
    Devoted August 2021
    Angelica ·
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    🙈no no. She’s catholic. This Is why I just really don’t understand the whole sari idea. She’s Jamaican with Indian backgrounds but.. I’ve still never seen her care much for her Indian culture. Jamaican culture is very important to her, but not so much Indian. Until now it seems!
    • Reply
  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag

    My Mother In law has some narcissistic tendencies and craves attention. It does not matter if it's positive or negative attention everything has to be all about her.

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  • Meghan
    Devoted April 2020
    Meghan ·
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    My FH is the same way. It’s so frustrating feeling like absolutely nothing bothers him. I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m sorry you’re having to go through that.
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  • Meghan
    Devoted April 2020
    Meghan ·
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    It sounds like you’ve done what you can to include her. If she doesn’t want to be involved that’s something she’s going to have to live with. I’m sorry though. I’m sure it’s still hurtful for you guys.
    My in laws are paying for some of the wedding, but I wouldn’t say it’s anything crazy. We haven’t asked them to pay for anything. They have offered. But the cake was my birthday present and she paid the balance for our florist as our Christmas gift. So they are paying for stuff and I really do appreciate it; I don’t want to come off as being ungrateful, but I still don’t think it gives her a right to schedule meetings with my vendors without me knowing.
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