Less 50th wedding anniversaries

It’s a pretty loaded question, but to try to sum it all up I feel like in more recent years, there are more people that have such a strong sense of self that they almost forget what the unity of marriage actually is. I think because of this getting married when you’re 30, instead of when you’re 20 gives people a lot more insight and maturity and what it truly means to unite. There is no ‘my money’ at that point it’s ‘our money.’.There is no my decision, it’s our decision. I feel like with a lot of younger people in 2020, if someone accidentally leaves the toilet seat up some people are so willing to just jump to divorce. I feel like in decades prior, people understood that you made a commitment and you had to work through it. I also feel like younger people are a lot less willing to try to make it work in 2020. Sometimes couples have bad years. Instead of just taking it as a bad year and working to make the next one better, they’re so likely to just end it. A sense of self is extremely important, but I feel like people shouldn’t be “borrowing money from spouse” or if someone doesn’t want their S0 to go somewhere for whatever reason, people say things like “he’s/she’s their own person and you don’t have the right to tell them where they can and can’t go” kind of deal. To me it’s like sorry, but once you’re married you do have to almost lose a little bit of that sense of self aspect. You have to figure out how to make unilateral decisions. Nothing is bilateral at that point. So with that said, I think any one who can make 50years of marriage definitely should get praised. They got married much younger, faced a lot more adversity, and managed to stick it out through all of that.

I don't think I've ever weighed it for advantages or disadvantages, but the world is so full of chaos and the desire for respect from a partner without a willingness to give it to them, too. My personal belief is that the insanely high statistics on divorces come from unrealistic expectations and a lack of communication.


I can't say I wouldn't have ended up divorced eventually, but I had a bad habit of holding in all the things that bothered me and literally took care of everything. I was 8 months pregnant and still cutting grass while my husband watched tv, just as an example...but he had a heart attack in the early morning hours of his 36th birthday, and I was then a widow at 32.
This isn't to garner sympathy or anything, it is to say that sometimes the chaos that keeps you from that golden anniversary is outside of your control. The couples who make it 50 or more years have hit a milestone which should be celebrated, but that doesn't mean the earlier milestones don't deserve recognition. I'm remarrying at 37 years old. My fiance is 10 years older than me. We joke that he's "under contract" to stay married to me for 50 years and I will not renegotiate under any circumstances, but the reality is one or both of us may not be here that long. That doesn't sully our commitment to eachother in any way, it doesn't disparage the future we're building.
My biggest suggestion would be not to worry about what society may say or think. Focus your energy into growing with your partner little by little everyday. Set the standard for what true partnership looks like, and never lose sight of the fact that everyday together is precious.

View Quoted Comment Yes to all of this! I definitely think the understanding of marriage as a real union of two people's interests and lives and everythings is on the decline. And if marriage isn't about commitment to that union, it makes sense to divorce when things become hard and not fun. If I've learned anything from my parents' marriage, a good marriage is a ton of work and requires incredible patience, humility, and selflessness. So cheers to the couples who jumped in with both feet and have spent 50 years growing in love through lots of obstacles and rough patches!

I think the only possible difference to getting married older is that you might not be as fertile. For some couples, this isn't as important because they want one or no children. For others, this can be really hard. I am getting married earlier partially for this reason, as I do want a big family and have watched family members who dated for a long time and then married in their 30s to have kids struggle to conceive.

My parents got married in their 30s. My mum is 60 and they just celebrated their 28th wedding anniversary. She was 39 when she had my younger brother. They have a marriage that so many people respect and look up to. They are a couple that people come to for marriage advice and guidance. Not a single person has a bad word to say about their marriage.


I think marriages definitely go through different stages, but people go through them at their own pace. Most of the phases of my parents’ marriage was tied to their children (new family, teenagers, college kids, empty nesters, grandparents). Some people choose not to have kids. I don’t think the number of years matters at all.
That being said, my grandparents got married when they were 18 and are celebrating Their 60th wedding anniversary this year and that does seem kinda cool. But I would never go to them for marriage guidance.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing. I once went to a bible study session and I can distinctly remember a volunteer sharing that just because a couple has been married for a long time, does not mean they have a marriage you should look up to. She shared how her parents had been marriec for 40 years and they have had many infidelities and no longer even sleep in the same room.

It’s different for everyone. People are marrying later for all sorts of reasons, financial stability being a major one. All you can do is get married when you and your future spouse feel ready.


I’ll be 31 when I get married. I met my FH when I was 27. Before that, I was in a serious, long term relationship. It lasted six years (most of my 20s). While an engagement ring was purchased at one point, we never followed through. It wasn’t right. My ex is a great guy, but he wasn’t the guy for me and he would say the same.What matters more than anything is being with the right person, not time, opinions, or societal pressures. It doesn’t matter what society thinks. You know when you know.

I don't think the number of years should matter, the quality of those years is what's important