Left out?!

Apologies! I’m not understanding what issue you’re experiencing? What exactly do you feel left out of? The groomsmen activities?? It sounds like you’d both benefit from regularly attending outings with other friends, without each other. You’re two are separate people, so doing everything as a unit is unrealistic. Definitely let your husband be happy and enjoy his time as a groomsman, and don’t let jealousy ruin it for him.

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of this.


Why do you think they are rubbing it in your face? I doubt they are doing it purposely.

I’m also it sure I understand what you are upset about. Be happy for him that he was asked to be in the wedding and do some things on your own if they have things to do that don’t involve you. It’s ok to be your own person in a couple.

I wouldn't take it personal, and its okay for your boyfriend to do things without you especially since he was asked to be a groomsmen. Take some time to yourself and relax or do things with your other friends.

Can you describe how they were rubbing in your face? If they were being purposefully hurtful, hopefully your boyfriend will not want to be in a wedding of people who are mean to you.
But…if they are just talking about groomsmen activities, that’s just something people do. Some people choose to have all wedding party activities combined, but it’s not universal, many people still have separate bride and groom activities.

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I also agree with all of this. I'm not sure what you mean by 'rubbing it in your face' because everyone has their own definition of what this looks like. Are they just talking about it in front of you and that's making you feel upset? Or have they actually taunted you about not being able to participate??

Like Sexypoodle said, It sounds like you both could really use time apart spending time with other friends. You both have separate identities, and while it's nice to share friends and do things together, it's also very important that you both give one another space and time apart.

Don't take this personally, and understand that yes, he's a groomsman, meaning he'll obviously be doing stuff with other people without you lol...that's typically how that works so don't let your misinterpretation or jealousy cause him to not have a good time being a groomsman.

I think this is just a case of FOMO. I know no one wants to be left out of fun activities, but unfortunately we don’t get to be included in everything. It’s OK to be silently disappointed, but don’t bring it up to your boyfriend or the couple. It’s not fair to make your bf feel guilty or like he is doing something wrong by enjoying the groomsman experience. And you definitely should not be complaining to/in front of the couple getting married- they are likely simply discussing events they are excited about, not trying to “rub it in”. You said you tried discussing this with your bf and the takeaway was that you should “suck it up because it is their day”… and that is exactly what you should do. Suck it up. Be happy for your friends. Be happy for your boyfriend. If you keep complaining about this you are going to come off as immature, jealous and petty, end it may end up costing you their friendship.

I know how to answer if you’re asking for too much because it’s kind of unclear what you’re asking. It sounds like you just don’t want to hear anything about the events you aren’t participating in or wedding related activities. You feel left out - which, I mean, you are. But what do you expect? If you truly are happy for them and excited for your bf why get so worked up? There’s a good chance it happens again where he is standing in a wedding that you are not.

I’m not quite sure what the problem is, unless your bf and couple getting married are intentionally teasing you for not being in the wedding party. It is absolutely normal for one half of a couple to be in a wedding while the other is a guest. Yes, he will most likely invited to a bachelor party, but you would not have been invited regardless. Spouses are typically invited to rehearsal dinners. While you may not be able to sit together at the ceremony or possibly the dinner reception, you will find other spouses of groomsmen to sit with or other neighbors. This is all a part of reaching the age when friends start getting married!

Okay, I am the 56 year old voice here: Be glad you are not a bridesmaid (I know you never wanted to be one) but be glad your BF is involved, you can just sit back and be a guest. They will talk about wedding stuff around the two of you, and they really can't help that.

Agreed with all the others.

If you feel like the only thing your boyfriend and the neighbors talk about is the groomsmen activities, its totally okay to ask to discuss a different topic every now and then. But unless they are teasing you for not being able to join or not being a bridesmaid, I think this is just a jealous thing that you are letting get the better of you.

You should let your BF enjoy being a part of the wedding, and have fun with him at the wedding when the time comes. This doesn't need to be as big of a deal as it sounds like you are making it out to be, although the original post is a bit unclear.

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"But unless they are teasing you for not being able to join or not being a bridesmaid, I think this is just a jealous thing that you are letting get the better of you."

That's exactly what OP said they are doing: " A few months later my boyfriend got asked to be a groomsman and I was super happy at first but then they started to rub it in my face about all the things they were gonna get to do together and leave me out of."

View Quoted Comment I think the question here is whether it was a blatant disrespectful action (“haha we are going to have sooooo much fun and you don’t get to come”), or if they are simply discussing plans that the OP is not part of and she is simply interpreting it as “rubbing it in”.

View Quoted Comment This! 100%

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Seems everyone here has made up their mind that it's all in OP's head, with no reason to assume that that's the case. That's probably why she's not coming back.

View Quoted Comment People have commented on here asking for her to explain how they were rubbing it in her face and she never explained so maybe people started to assume her feelings are of jealousy.

View Quoted Comment I am so sorry! I thought my replies went through! Basically I was saying the rubbing in the face came when they would discuss all the things they were going to do together and then mention that hey you can’t come.

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Agreed, exactly!

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Thanks for the clarification OP!

This is really disrespectful. Honestly, I think its best to avoid talking about wedding/wedding party stuff when in the presence of people who are not included, but if you spent a lot of time with these people it would be only natural for it to be a point of conversation some of the time (like "hey clarification about this one wedding related thing... oh cool thanks" and move onto a different subject) and it would be kind of unfair for you to expect them to never mention any of it around you. But spending a large part of your time together discussing things you aren't involved in and then them emphasizing that fact is really rude and disrespectful, and its super understanding why you would be hurt.

It is totally appropriate for you to ask for them to pare back on this behavior. I'd start a conversation with your BF first, saying "Hey I love that you are in so-and-so's wedding party but its a bit of a bummer when that is all you talk about and you keep bringing up the fact that I'm not included. Maybe it could be less prominent in conversations when we all hang out. Before [the couple] got engaged we had plenty to talk about and do together, so I'd just like for not everything to be about the wedding so I can feel involved." He should understand how you feel, and can hopefully help steer future group conversations in a more inclusive, non-wedding direction. He may also be able to discretely bring it up to the couple, so they are more aware of how their actions and choice of conversation topic are impacting you.

If the couple and your BF keep dismissing your concerns entirely, then I would reevaluate your relationship with all involved, unfortunately. Its natural for them to want to talk about the wedding, but you shouldn't be left out of every conversation and there should be more to your friendship than JUST the wedding 24/7. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment If your boyfriend is in on this cruelty, that’s a big problem. They other couple is one thing, but your boyfriend mocking you as well? You deserve better.