Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted October 2021

Last Name

Flag
Hide content

Fany, on July 17, 2020 at 12:07 PM

I was told by a woman on this platform that I must not love my FS because I plan on keeping my maiden name after marriage. I was appalled and decided to do some research. I found that in countries where Americans may view women to have less or no rights (countries in The middle East, Africa, Asia), women there did NOT change their last nane after marriage. It baffles me how women are considered "free" here (if you're in the US), yet our culture pressures us to change our last name to our husbands after marriage.
According to research, The tradition of women changing their last names to match their husbands’ has its origins in the property transfer that took place upon marriage. Essentially, women went from being part of their parents’ family to becoming their husbands’ property.

What do you all think? Do you assume a woman doesn't love her husband if she keeps her last name? I once met a same sex male couple who said they were not changing their names bc it would be "disrespectful" to their fathers! I was shocked bc we as women are expected to change our names and it is seen as the opposite of disrespectful to our fathers.https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/why-so-many-women-still-take-their-husbands-last-name-2017-11-30

Show all

32 Comments

Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:15 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
In Ecuador, many children didn't have middle names. Lol! Most womem in the states don't even have the same last name as their children due to divorce, marriage to stepfather, or they were never married at all to the child's father. Thanks for sharing your opinion. There's pros and cons to everything but only one choice thats best for each person. You do you and I'll do me.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 17, 2020 at 1:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Okay, well you asked for an opinion so I gave you one. No reason to get snippy because I don't have the same opinion as you.
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thank you. Much appreciated. I'll tell you a secret. I'm going to allow myself to be vulnerable and receive judgement for you. My mom changed her name to my dads then had my sister and I. Dad said he was no longer happy with her after 22 years of marriage so they divorced. She still has my dads last name bc they married when she was 20 and she didnt want to go through the hassle & money changing everything to her maiden name. She tells me she regrets making so many sacrifices for my dad and regrets changing her nane to his. Unlike my mom I'm in my 30s! And have already made a name for myself in my career. If I were 20 like my mom and had way less institutional education, then I would more tgan likely change it. Getting married at an older age and going tbrough heartbreaking experiences changes one's opinions on things.
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I wasn't getting snippy. Maybe you're interpreting my communication differently bc you cannot see my facial expression nor hear my tone. I'm okay with your difference of opinion, im just pointing out facts. Most women in the states do not have the same last nane as their child....
- Reply
Devoted July 2020
Jessica · on July 17, 2020 at 1:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
No name change for me and my fiancé isn’t bothered by it.

Maybe if I was married in my early 20s I would have changed it, but my career is established in my name and it kinda feels weird to change it after it being my name for so many years!
- Reply
VIP June 2019
Hanna · on July 17, 2020 at 1:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Academia. Out of all of my colleagues who have gotten married in the past 5 years or so, only one has changed her name.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 17, 2020 at 1:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Okay, I don't necessarily agree that most women don't. I just know that when my husband and I got married I went into it with the intentions of changing my last name. One of those reasons being because we want children. I also know that no one goes into a marriage thinking it will fail and then possibly changing their name again. I'm trying to think positively that my husband and I won't be part of the high number of people that divorce therefore none of the last name stuff will be an issue.
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Nice! I feel the exact same way, Jessics. Getting married in 30s and 40s is much different than early 20s!
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:37 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Okay thanks for your contribution to the thread. Have a great day!
- Reply
Expert September 2020
Taran · on July 17, 2020 at 1:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
I don't think it matters as long as it's what you want. Both my sister and my mom chose to hyphenate their names, I'm taking FH's last name and hyphenating my middle and maiden name. I know plenty of people that have chosen not to take their husband's last name and some guys who took their wife's. For someone to judge another individual's relationship for their choice on what they want to do about last names is honestly horrendous. Do what makes you happy and is right for you.
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
This was a sweet response, thanks Taran. I like your first name by the way. Is there any meaning behind it?
- Reply

Expert September 2020
Taran · on July 17, 2020 at 1:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Thanks! And no, my dad was watching TV one night when my mom was pregnant and saw it on the credits of the show and was like "how 'bout this" lol
- Reply