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Devoted October 2021

Last Name

Fany, on July 17, 2020 at 12:07 PM Posted in Community Conversations 2 32

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I was told by a woman on this platform that I must not love my FS because I plan on keeping my maiden name after marriage. I was appalled and decided to do some research. I found that in countries where Americans may view women to have less or no rights (countries in The middle East, Africa, Asia), women there did NOT change their last nane after marriage. It baffles me how women are considered "free" here (if you're in the US), yet our culture pressures us to change our last name to our husbands after marriage.
According to research, The tradition of women changing their last names to match their husbands’ has its origins in the property transfer that took place upon marriage. Essentially, women went from being part of their parents’ family to becoming their husbands’ property.

What do you all think? Do you assume a woman doesn't love her husband if she keeps her last name? I once met a same sex male couple who said they were not changing their names bc it would be "disrespectful" to their fathers! I was shocked bc we as women are expected to change our names and it is seen as the opposite of disrespectful to our fathers.https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/why-so-many-women-still-take-their-husbands-last-name-2017-11-30

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32 Comments

Latest activity by Taran, on July 17, 2020 at 1:53 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 17, 2020 at 12:11 PM
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I took my wife’s name because we wanted to share a family name. I don’t care if anyone else changes their name and don’t think that it means that they love their partner any less.
I read your previous post about name changes and no one said anything even close to what you mentioned above. It seems like you’re trying really hard to get a rise out of people today.
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VIP September 2020
Molly · on July 17, 2020 at 12:13 PM
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I don't think it is very uncommon for a woman not to change her last name now a days. I personally am because I love my FHs last name and I want it to be my last name. It is your choice and you are free to do what ever you want. I do not think it means you love your husband any less.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 17, 2020 at 12:14 PM
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Wow you’re on a roll of community guidelines violations today.
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Legend July 2022
Lisa · on July 17, 2020 at 12:14 PM
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I am not planning to change my name after my wedding. Personally, I think that not changing your name shouldn't have an impact on the marriage. My fiance and I both agree that it's up to me to choose whether I want to change my name, just as it's up to my fiance as to whether he wants to take my last name instead. Our relationship will be no different than if I were to choose to change my name.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 17, 2020 at 12:15 PM
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I didn’t change my last name. But I don’t see anything wrong with people wanting to or not, either.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 12:15 PM
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Cool story
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 12:17 PM
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Thanks for your valuable input Molly.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 12:17 PM
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Nice! I like your perspective, Melle.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 12:18 PM
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I apologize Lisa, for calling you "Melle."
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on July 17, 2020 at 12:26 PM
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Wow, I can’t believe someone said that to you! Personally , I don’t have strong opinions either way on this issue. Regardless of why the practice started, it has become a tradition here in America for women to take their husbands’ last names. I think most people do it without even really thinking about it. Also, I think a lot of women who plan to have children take their husband’s last name so that the whole family shares the same last name. I do not plan to have children, and I also do not plan to take my husband’s last name. I already have a family who I love dearly, and it means a lot to me to keep that family name. I see my marriage to my fiancé as the joining of our lives together, I do not see it as me leaving my family in order to join another one. In no way do I find this disrespectful to my fiancé or his family, nor do I see it as any way representative of our love for one another.
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Devoted August 2020
Alisa · on July 17, 2020 at 12:35 PM
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I personally don't care what other people choose to do in their marriage or what they think about what i choose to do in mine. sometime you have to just take people's opinions with a grain of salt and move on.
historically changing your name showed that one was no longer their fathers property and was now their husbands property. In modern times, people choose to keep their names for a lot of different reasons (career, honoring their family, they just don't want to) . each person has to do what's right for themselves individually and as a couple.
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Expert March 2021
Marcia · on July 17, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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I love my last name, but I'll be changing it when I get married. I'm not my husband's property, but I do believe two will become one, so I'm looking forward to taking his name. Like Caytyln, I like the idea of sharing a family name. It makes me happy to think I'll have the same last name as my kids.

My mom didn't change her name legally but goes by my dad's last name because it's easier for acquaintances. People always assumed my parents were divorced when I filled out my school paperwork with my parents' legal names! Otherwise, it was nbd
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 12:51 PM
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Thanks for your input Marcia. If we have kids, they would have two last names. One from mom and one from dad. Based on what you're saying, i take it BOTH of your parents raised you and made the joint decision as a married couple to give you dad's last name. Good for them.

To me, it makes no sense for a child to have dad's name when parents aren't married nor live together and mom is doing the sole child rearing. I see how my stepsister has such a hard time enrolling her son in school and flyinf domestic and overseas with him. He has his dad's last name and his dad has never met him by his choice.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 17, 2020 at 1:00 PM
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I changed my last name to my husband's because I wanted to have the same last name as our future children. I have two middle names so four names in total. One is my great grandmother's first name and the other is my mom's maiden name. She gave me her maiden name as one of my middle names to honor her dad who never had a son so his last name wouldn't be passed on. I can tell you I HATE having two middle names and everyone always gives me a strange look when I mention that I have two middle names instead of one. Based on my experience, I would never give a child two last names.
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Super August 2020
Alex · on July 17, 2020 at 1:02 PM
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Do you assume a woman doesn't love her husband if she keeps her last name? Absolutely not. I also haven't heard anyone say something so ridiculous. Change your name or don't change your name. It's YOUR name and you should do whatever feel right to you! It has nothing to do with love or how much you love your husband.
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Expert March 2021
Marcia · on July 17, 2020 at 1:05 PM
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Some of my family has several last names for cultural reasons, but legally in the US they only have 1 last name for ease. I was shocked when I found out their real names are so long!

I also had friends with hyphenated last names so the kids has both. It counts as only one name, but it could get quite long. One particular girl's parents switched which name got to be first periodically, which made remembering this poor girl's name right nearly impossible. My last name is hard to spell already, so I'm happy to let me kids have the easy anglo name haha
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on July 17, 2020 at 1:05 PM
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I didn't change my name, and I've never felt judged for my decision. It's super common for women in my professional field to keep their last names, and it's common in my family too.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:07 PM
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Thanks for sharing. I could care less what others think of my name. I was made fun of because I'm of African descent and people would laugh at my name and say "that's a white girl's name."
I plan on naming my child a name I like even if it's not stereotypical like Shaniqua or Tyrone...

Also I used to live in Ecuador 🇪🇨 and that country and several dozens more, have a common tradition of giving kids two last names. One from mom and one from dad to prevent incest and confusion. So two last names is normal for at least 20 different countries.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 17, 2020 at 1:09 PM
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Nice, thanks for sharing Hanna. May I ask what career field tou work in?
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 17, 2020 at 1:11 PM
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Aside from what others think, four names is a lot to write and for a child to learn. Every time I have to fill out forms my name barely fits because 25 letters long. I also wouldn't like the idea of not having the same exact last name as my children so unless I changed my last name to include my maiden name and my husband's last name then my name would be even longer so no thanks.
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