Ladies: Who's Fh/h asked your parents for their permission/blessing?

My husband told my dad he would be proposing. I wouldn’t consider it asking, so much as letting him know. My sisters fiancé did not do that. I know my dad appreciated it but it also was cute to me, not overly important but husband is a bit more formal than me.

My fiance asked my parents. And to be honest I'd never would have accepted the proposal with out him getting their blessing. It would be a big red flag for me. It's not a sign of ownership by any means in today's day and age, it is seen as a sign of respect. If my fiance asked me to marry him without asking my parents I'd view it as he wasn't raised with respect and I don't want to marry someone who doesn't have respect. However not everyone has a great relationship with their parents and some don't even talk to their parents. So obviously their relationship with their parents would have to be factored in.

No. It's completely antiquated from a time (prehistory until the 1960s) when a woman was property of her father. Since society doesn't work that way anymore and couples live together for months and years before marrying, it serves no purpose outside of stricter lifestyles where the man still is in charge and does require permission.

While I don't agree with how many women view feminist customs related to social settings, this is one where I put my foot down and will not partake. If someone can't/won't marry me because they need permission/blessing from my toxic parents I have not spoken to in years, I'm going to be looking for a new relationship. It's not respectful either because you're still acting like the woman is property.

My FH did not ask my parents for a blessing. This was my preference, as it was his. I feel that the decision to get engaged is between us and no one else needs to have any input on my behalf.

I didn't care, but it was important to FH (he's 19 years older than me), so he asked my parents!

FH didn't ask parents, but did call them (wanted to go see them in person but we got COVID 2 weeks before Christmas and he wanted to propose on Christmas) to let them know he was going to do it! I didn't care if he asked or not, I'm a grown ass woman and don't belong to anyone, and my parents also aren't very traditional people. But he wanted to propose in front of them, and wanted them to know it was coming.

The only person I ever wanted "permission" from was from my grandfather, it was important to me that he approved of the person I wanted to marry, he unfortunately passed 3 years ago, but when we were out to dinner on his 90th birthday a few years before he passed, he called my FH to the end of the table and told him it was OK for him to marry me (I still to this day have NO clue why he got the urge to do that but he did) so I always told FH he had no choice but to marry me cause he was the only one that would ever get permission from my poppy. lol

My parents aren't together. Even though FH hadn't met my dad yet and probably would have wanted to traditionally ask him for his blessing, my mom was the one who raised me so he felt it was right to ask for hers. I think it was just a respect thing. I never asked nor did I care if he asked. It honestly wasn't even on my mind. I still thought it was a cute gesture though.

So 2 weeks before FH proposed it was my birthday. I went to dinner with my mom and FH (parents have been divorced my whole life I was raised just by my mom). When I stepped away he told my mom he was waiting for the ring to propose and that he'd like her blessing. She was over the moon and told him how much she respected and loved him. Fast forward 2 weeks later when he asked and I said yes, I asked if my mom knew and he said yes. It made me even happier! She's basically my best friend and it meant so much to me that he had spoken to her first as a sign of respect.

My parents are divorced, so my FH asked my dad and told my mom. My parents both love him so we both knew what the answer would be. It wasn't important to me that he ask, I actually told him I'd rather he didn't, but he said it was really important to him for him to go ask, so that's why he did it.

My FH asked my dad out of respect and because he knows my Dad is that kind of guy. But they have a good relationship and joked that if I didn’t say yes, they would go out for drinks and have a good time anyway lol

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I fully disagree that it "still implies you belong to them." Permission may imply that, but not asking for a blessing.

Asking for a blessing is essentially, "we're doing this, and we'd like to know you support it." There's nothing about "belonging" to anyone in that. It's simply asking the important people in your life to support you.

I ask my parents for their support in nearly all aspects of my life. I asked for it when I was going to change careers. I asked for it when I quit work to go back to school. So yes, it was respectful to ask for it for my marriage as well.

View Quoted Comment Ok. And if they don’t support something you want to do? Does that change your choices?

It was important for me but when my FH asked my parents, it did not go as well as we had hoped. They told him no because they did not think that we were ready for marriage nor did they realize that we were that far in our relationship. In the end, they told him that if he still wanted to propose he could and they wouldn't hold it against him because I am able to make my own decisions. My FH and I have been engaged for two years now and are getting married in June. My parents have supported us from day one.

If DH had asked my dad for permission/blessing/whatever, my father would have yeeted him into the next galaxy.

And told me why.

At which point, I would have been sad that DH betrayed the way his mother raised him.

I'm grown, I'm OLDER than DH, and having a close relationship with my father is not the same thing as my father being in charge of my life.

It was important to me that he DIDN'T ask for a blessing or permission. Like OP said it's sexist, outdated and I belong to no one but myself. I told him I would have been incredibly offended if he asked. My dad made some dumb comment about my FH buying him a goat (it was a joke) lol. So we mailed him a stuffed animal goat.

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I agree that there’s a huge distinction between a prospective spouse asking for permission, and a couple asking for support.

My mother wasn’t asked for her ‘ permission’ (my father passed away years ago). I doubt I’d be able to build a life with someone who thought that was an appropriate thing to do - it’s just so counter to my values. We both jointly told our respective parents and W e didn’t ask for their support as we knew we had it. If that would have been in any doubt then we’d likely have said that we hoped they’d support us in our decision. If they didn’t support us, we wouldn’t change the decision we’d made for ourselves.

I had my fh ask my father for my hand in marriage. I am definitely more on the traditional end of the spectrum, though not all the way there. But it meant a lot to me and I knew it meant a lot to my dad. I had him ask a few weeks after we picked out my ring. And that December on my bday fh and my family orchestrated a surprise proposal and it was the best. I know it’s outdated but there’s some beauty in certain traditions.

My FH called my dad and told him his intention to ask to marry me. I wanted him to do this. I felt it was important for he and my dad to have a conversation about it.


I don't think it's sexist and outdated. It has nothing to do with my dad or FH owning me. It has to do with the responsibility to protect and support me.
I'm an independent woman. I'm also a woman working in a male-dominated field and living alone in an increasingly-violent city, and both can be difficult. My dad has supported me through it all. For example, when I was mugged, the first person I called was my dad. When a male co-worker berated me, my dad helped me navigate it. Anyone can play this role in someone's life, but in mine, it used to be my dad and now is FH.
My FH grew up with only brothers and I'm his first girlfriend, so I'm glad they had a conversation about what it's like for women in society and how to be a good partner.

View Quoted Comment I fully agree with Eniale and ask my parents for support and advice on every major life choice.


When they don't agree, I honestly do take a beat. I've never made a decision solely on their advice, but they did raise me and have lots of life experience, and we have a very strong relationship. If they share a concern with me, I'm going to weight it very heavily in my decision. If they had raised a concern about my engagement, I would have heard them out. After seeing my friends persist in bad engagements and be divorced by 23, I know that it's possible for anyone to lose perspective and get caught up in a bad situation.

My fiancé didn't propose, we just decided together we were going to get engaged/married and picked out the ring together. I wouldn't have wanted him to ask my parents for their blessing anyways.