Fred
Expert April 2022

Ladies: Who's Fh/h asked your parents for their permission/blessing?

Fred, on April 2, 2021 at 8:02 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 48
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I personally didn't ask my FW's parents for their permission or blessing because IMO: 1) It's outdated, 2) She doesn't belong to anyone, 3) it's sexist. However, my big sister told me: " She might see this as a sign of respect ,or at least, a nice gesture,a way to include her parents.

So, I asked my FW for her opinion,she didn't want me to ask for their permission or blessing, but I know I would have "sucked it up" if it was important to her!

Ladies:Was/is it important to your FH/H because he comes from a traditional family?

Was/Is it important to you?

He didn't ask ... Were your parents offended/hurt?

48 Comments

Latest activity by ScandalousRandallous, on April 5, 2021 at 4:19 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    My husband didn't ask and it definitely wasn't important to me. I honestly didn't care, my parents and family absolutely LOVES my husband so I knew it wouldn't be a problem. I do agree that I think it's outdated as well. My parents didn't care, they were ecstatic they we were getting married 🥰❤️.
    • Reply
  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
    • Flag

    I didn't really care whether or not FH asked my parents. I think it's outdated, and totally agree with all of the points you made! Coming from the South though, it's seen as respectful and tradition to ask for a blessing.

    FH and I never discussed the topic, and I think it's because he knew I'd catch on that he was proposing soon haha! But he called my mom and told her that he was going to propose and that it would mean a lot to him if she approved of it. Def. wasn't important to me though, but I do think my mom's feelings would be hurt if he didn't talk to her before proposing. She doesn't like to be the last person to know things, so that wouldn't have gone over well lol.

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  • Kristin
    Devoted December 2021
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    My FH “asked” my parents because it was super important to him as a sign of respect (he’s very old school in a lot of manners). But I’m reality he wasn’t actually asking. There had been numerous “jokes” about us getting married and they already treated us as such. It was also super important to FH that he had the ring to show them when he went. In the end my dad cried, which I have only seen 3 times in my life, and gave him a big hug and told him he would be honored to officially have him in the family and mentioned something about how much respect he has for my FH. My mom was over the moon and emotional but managed to keep the secret.
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    We were young - 18 and 20.

    Husband didn't ask permission, but he did ask for my dad's blessing (basically, "we would like to get married, and we were hoping for your blessing.") We were already engaged, and we were there together, but he was the one who asked.

    Had we been older, I don't think it would have gone down the same way. But at the time, I had just graduated high school a week or so earlier, and hadn't yet even moved out.

    My dad was a true Southern gentleman, so it was the respectful thing to do. Had nothing to do with sexism, because my parents were very progressive and I was never treated like I "belonged" to them. It was simply a symbol of respect from one important man in my life to the other.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    My husband “asked”. He took them out to dinner. It was very important to him and my parents as well. Just a respect thing. He said if they would have said no he would have came home and asked that night 🤣 so it’s not like he was seeking permission. I think I may have been a little upset that he didn’t ask
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    My husband did not ask for permission, and I would have been confused/probably a little annoyed if he did. We made the decision to get engaged together and then told our parents together, as our relationship is a partnership. While we included our parents in the wedding planning and they are important in our lives, the initial decision to get engaged was ours and ours alone.
    • Reply
  • Kaylie
    Savvy October 2022
    Kaylie ·
    • Flag
    My FH didn’t ask my parents. We actually decided together to take both sets of our parents to dinner together once we were seriously talking about getting engaged. It felt more modern to us while still respecting any expectations they may have had.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    My wife didn’t ask my parents for permission, but she did give them a heads up before proposing.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    My fiance asked my dad for his blessing. It wasn't important to me, for the reason that I don't "belong" to anyone, but my fiance and I both knew it was very important to my dad, so then it became important to me for that reason. My dad also had my fiance ask my mom for her blessing as well.
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag
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    This is a great alternative/compromise!

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie Online ·
    • Flag
    Good question! My now husband did ask my dad while golfing together (they golf a lot together and that makes me happy). Both my husband and dad are traditional and it was a sign of respect. I agree it can be sexist, however I was told a long time ago it is a way of giving the parents a heads up so the parents wouldn’t be blindsided financially (even if parents are not able to pay for the reception, attire and such are expensive).
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
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    I should have mentioned the cultural thing, I know how important some traditions are in the South, however my FW comes from TX, she's not traditional in the least lol.

    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    "my fiance and I both knew it was very important to my dad, so then it became important to me for that reason. My dad also had my fiance ask my mom for her blessing as well." I Totally get it. In this situation, I would do it without question because "it became important to me for that reason".

    What wouldn't we do to make you happy?! Smiley laugh

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  • Angie
    Dedicated March 2022
    Angie ·
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    This! My FH did let my parents know he was gonna propose soon but didn't say when. I didn't really care whether he asked or not but now I'm so glad he didn't because the day after he proposed we went to their house and surprised them with the news and I'll never forget their reactions Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    My husband did not ask anyone but me to marry him therefore he didn’t need to ask anyone but me for permission to marry. I disagree with the whole “it’s out of respect” to ask parents for permission or blessing because it still implies that you belong to them and that they somehow have some decision making over your life. The respect should be shown to the person being asked to marry, not their parents.
    I make the decisions for my life and they either accept them or they don’t, but how they may think about those decisions has no bearing on my life.
    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    My H and my dad have a great relationship so they had a chat about marriage when we had been dating awhile and talking about marriage. From what I understand it was more of a "I want to ask Lady to marry me, what do you guys think about that" vs. asking permission. I think my dad appreciated it.

    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I see your point. By the time I got engaged I had already moved out of my parents house and bought my own LONG before. There was no illusion that I “belonged” to them or needed their permission. To my husband I think it was more of a heads up and a respect of you are her parents, you were there first, this is my plan. Also wanting to be traditional (were very traditional people) it was very important to him to ask, even if they said no. And while he said he would have asked anyway, I think it was important to have approval and be (officially) accepted if that makes sense.
    But each person, family and relationship is different. What works for one doesn’t work for someone else.
    • Reply
  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
    • Flag
    My FH did ask! It wasn’t necessarily for permission (I don’t need permission to make any life decisions), but more so for his blessing. He knew my parents would be thrilled to find out he was proposing, so it wasn’t the cliche “I hope they give me her hand in marriage”. He just more or less gave them a heads up!
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Dedicated June 2022
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    My FW asked my parents for their blessing, and when I found after our engagement I thought it was the sweetest thing. I think it was more of a way for them all to share in the excitement together about the upcoming proposal. She says it was one of her favorite moments ever. She asked them on a secret FaceTime call since we live in different states from my parents. She was able to snap some screenshots during the call so I have some really special photos from it Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    When we talked marriage I told my FH in no uncertain terms to not mention it to my parents. My sister had gotten married a few years before, and my BIL asked my parents for permission/blessing. Pretty much everyone in our family knew it was coming except for my sister, and I hated that for her. My mom can't keep a secret to save her life, so we decided not to talk to them about it.

    Everyone jokes about how they'd take FH over me in the family anyways, so we knew there was no question about it lol.

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