KWR: My friend is having a bridal shower but its potluck......

Confirm that she only means the bridal party. If she doesn't, explain that it's rude to ask GUESTS supply the hospitality for an event.

How many shower guests? Are you able to offer up your home as an alternative venue? I agree that an outdoor venue in August sounds absolutely miserable. Sitting in the blistering heat watching someone open gifts, eating spoiled food? No thank you!

Possible UO, but I feel like something small like a shower can be potluck/self catered. People have been having picnics for years. That being said, its not fair to force you to make a dish, if should have been discussed before making the decision.

Are there other bridesmaids? Do they agree with you? If yes, you all should say that it's not a good idea for the reasons you listed. Come at her with a caterer or two and pricing and work out how to split the costs among the bridal party.

If you do this legwork ahead of time it's probably more likely that she agreed without a fight.

Tell her that outdoor parties are not like lunches or quick bites. It will last MUCH longer and the food won't sit well. Not to mention bugs and the heat.

Anyone with some sense should not see it as an insult or be hurt by it.

I believe the shower will be no more than 40 people (which is too many people to cook for IMO)

I think I will have to take a more active role in presenting some ideas, and hopefully that will help make this less stressful for the matron of honor.

I'm with LB on this one. I've been to a few showers that are self catered (never outdoors though). I don't agree with the potluck aspect of it though....expecting guests to make food AND bring a gift? No thanks.

Also, if I were you, I'd just purchase two dishes to bring and skip making something. It's not like anyone is going to be policing that.

Our standard holiday dinner is at least 40 people. The host of said holiday usually makes the protein and then each family brings a dish or two. I don't get the big deal as long as its the BMs/hosts and not the guests.

I feel like you'll be adding stress by adding more options but maybe that's just me. I'm more of a "let someone handle their own shit" kinda person. Just buy your contribution and call it a day.

It would be pretty cheap to do BBQ or Italian catering. You could each throw in a little cash. Probably no more (maybe even less!) than you'd spend on ingredients, and bonus, no work for you!

That said, if it's in someone's house, I would think that people (in the bridal party, NOT guests) bringing homemade dishes would be fine, since you have access to your own oven, fridge, crock pots, etc. Honestly, that's maybe a little bigger than my family gathering for Christmas and Thanksgiving. People take turns hosting, and everyone brings dishes to share.

The consensus on the forum seems to be that self-catering is dangerous because the food has to be transported from where it was made to where it will be served, with no reliable mechanism for safe temperature control. When it's going straight from the oven to the table, I think it's fine.

I think what's really the issue is the venue (outside in August) that would negate the food in general. I think I will suggest a different location.

How many people are coming? we pot luck small events all the time at my dance studio.

Catering for large events is different.

Potluck from people you don't know (office people? questionable)

potlucking for a small group of good friends? meh. I'm with LB.

Honestly potlucking a shower is fine as long as the guests aren't required to contribute. I would suggest an indoor venue, though. Do you think there's a grill there? That could be an option. Otherwise they do have large containers you sit cold dishes in with ice to keep them cold (we used them at the country club I worked at as a kid to keep things cool outside). Just be really careful having it outside, August is tricky!

I agree with LB. It's normal for the hosts to provide and prepare the food for a bridal shower, particularly if it's a small party. I'd confirm that the girl in charge means just the BP would be bringing food, and suggest holding the shower indoors would be better for keeping the food at the right temperature. It would be really rude for her to expect the guests to bring food, and if she's expecting two dishes each, that's a lot of food to expect of a guest that shouldn't be expected to provide food at all.

My only concerns with the plan for the shower hosts to prepare the food themselves would be serving the food outdoors in August and not having the equipment necessary to ensure everything stays fresh (holding it indoors would mean you could keep everything warm or cool in the kitchen up until it needed to be served) and I think 40 shower guests doesn't exactly sounds like a small group size to be preparing the food for by yourselves, unless we are just talking snacks.

I agree with LB and others as well! Changing the venue could really help a lot with this and definitely checking to make sure the bridal party are the ones bringing and that quests aren't requested to.. but depending on the size of the guest list you may not need that much.. Lots of showers I have been to have sandwich trays, chicken tender trays, fruit trays, etc and those can be very price efficient, especially when split amongst the bridal party. Does the bride belong to a church? The church's fellowship hall could be an inexpensive place or maybe a room at a community center? I just know I would be itching to leave because this chunky girl does not like ANYTHING outside in August except a swimming pool lol

Outside? August? Potluck?

no.

We had olive garden catering for mine. it was delicious.

offer to find an indoor venue and look for catering like bbq or italian. just tell her a)you think it'll be to hot and b) you're worried about food spoiling in the heat.

If the bridesmaids are all contributing ask if you can all instead contribute money to costs of catering. If you guys can't afford catering you don't have to do a full meal. Bridal showers don't have to be during meal time. Most I've been to aren't at meal time and they have snacks and some kind of desert.

We had around 55 people at my shower, and we didn't have it catered. My mom and sisters did the cooking, with the bridesmaids provided the alcohol. We did however get some of the food from Wegmans, preordered and picked up the day of (mashed potatoes, chicken salad). That being said, we're Italian and cook our own food for literally everything, and we're used to large parties so it was easy to just double our recipes. Plus, we knew the food was going to be good, and so did everyone else.

If you guys are not used to cooking, and especially not used to it for big parties, pay extra and have it catered.

@MrsWrs I am located in the suburbs of Chicago

I've reached out to a local restaurant to see if I can get a ballpark estimate for what it would cost to host a shower there. So far, its looking like its a reasonable option (IMO) but again, I have to get some more information from the Matron of Honor regarding budget. I am fully willing to financially pitch in for a different venue, and being that there are 9 other BMs, we can probably do something a little less risky. But I don't think the matron of honor has discussed any such details with any of us (at least not me).

All I can do is make my suggestions, and offer to help. I'll keep you all updated!

I knew a couple that had a potluck wedding reception. The bride threw a fit that no one brought anything (they married on a holiday weekend, too, so there weren't many people there). I wasn't invited to the wedding, but I noticed nobody really cared to say much about the reception. Most people just left.

I know you're just trying to help by looking up that info but its a little presumptuous IMO. Especially since you haven't even voiced your concerns to the MOH yet.

Slippery slope...