KWR - Is it that hard to take time off for a wedding?

I guess I just think about times when in the past I just take an unpaid day or two if I haven't accrued enough PTO or don't want to use it, and would probably find a super cheap hotel that is really cringe-worthy.. I guess that's the mindset that I still have even though I'm years past that now and have more professional jobs.

But everyone is right about the whole officiant thing and the general "don't have friendors" I know I'll get it figure out. We're really happy for our friend, and obviously a wedding is only a one day affair with many more major life events ahead of us and everyone. I think I'm just still in shock. lol

You have to understand that if people can't come, they can't come. Sucks but it is what it is.

Sorry (not sorry) to be harsh but your wedding isn't going to be at the top of everyone's list of priorities, especially if it would mean taking unpaid vacation time. People in that situation usually use unpaid time as a last resort to deal with illness or other emergencies, not to go to a party.

Be happy about the people that ARE coming instead of sulking over the people that can't.

I'm an administrative assistant and I can guarantee that employers notice who's taking a whole lot of time off all the time. The past couple of times I switched jobs I was so nervous about applying, securing the position, and making a good first impression, I would have never dreamed of taking time off. I missed my cousin's wedding a few years ago because of this.

Some people can't afford to just take time off without pay and afford all the expenses that come with a wedding. I think it's best to be sensitive to others' situations, even if they are different than your own.

I used unpaid time off for my sister's wedding a few years ago and had to ask our parents for help with my rent the following month because the wedding was so expensive for me. Don't assume that everyone can afford unpaid time off.

If someone wants to attend your wedding bad enough they will make it work. Seems like they don't want to attend/officiate the wedding enough to request off or make it work.

My job is pretty lenient, but some places really aren't. Sometimes if other people have it off already you're SOL. I also think people that have only 2-3 weeks of vacation per year are more stingy with taking a day off for somebody's wedding. I know that personally, unless they were a very close friend or immediate family member, I would not take a day off. I cherish my PTO and want to spend time vacationing with family & friends.

I've had to miss a family wedding because of travel. The cost, the time off, the time away from my kids, etc. I love my cousin, but I too many other things going on that summer.

This brings up another interesting issue that I think about every time I read about people with 200-300 person guest lists..... just how connected are those people to the couple? Would they take time off spend money on travel, babysitters, gifts to spend an entire day or more with someone they like but don't necessarily feel so connected to? Even if they could?

It's not a real question that expects an answer, but it's worth thinking about. We all want to feel that we are adored by hundreds, but......

Yes, it can be. I left a job that I had been at for 5 years. Had the time requested off only to find that they were going to deny me the 4 days off for MY OWN wedding. I was going to relocate after the wedding and they knew that, but still deny the bride her wedding off because your losing employees. Not my problem.

I hate it when people say what @LaNette said.

Some people feel awful for having to miss someone's wedding due to work but if it comes down to choosing between being able to pay the rent and attending a party, the choice is obvious.

One of my best friends is getting married in August but it's a DW and I have other things that are more important. I feel so terrible that I can't go but it is what it is. She understands and while she's disappointed that I can't come, she doesn't have a shitty attitude about it. Why? Because she's not selfish.

@LG that's how my friend is. She knew there would be a lot of declines for her middle of nowhere CA wedding and is holding zero grudges about guests being unable to attend. Because she realizes traveling from Colorado to California is hard for some people.

It can be difficult or it can be easy but people have different priorities for their days off.

I'm a teacher too. I get 3 personal days and 10 sick days each year. I work in a pretty chill district where they don't really question your sick days and things like that. Any unused sick days get carried over into the next school year, so I can save a lot. Right now, my husband and I are planning for baby #3, and all of the unused sick days I have now mean sick days for when I'm pregnant, sick days for when my kids get sick, and sick days that I can use on maternity leave (because using sick days during maternity leave = paycheck = money for my family & health insurance for me). All of those things take priority over lots of things, including weddings if the wedding is not convenient for me to travel or the wedding isn't for someone I'm very close to.

It can definitely be hard for some people. It's also important to remember that people aren't going to always prioritize a wedding over their job, even if they could take time off.

Things happen, circumstances change. People can't always do what they initially say they can. Maybe it's the truth, maybe it's just a nice way to tell you that he doesn't want/can't spend the money to be your officiant. I think it's probably just enough to say ok and not get upset about it at this point,.

I mean I can count on one hand how many people I'd actually take unpaid time off for.

Not only would I be traveling, getting dressed up, and giving a $200-$300 gift... but you want me to also take unpaid time off if I don't have enough leave accrued?

Sorry, but no.

Starting a new job, having kids, busy season, illness/deaths in the family.. many of these are unplanned, despite you planning a wedding. They also almost always come before your wedding.

Short of my mom, dad, brother, FH or maybe my best friend... I'm not taking unpaid time off for anything other than a serious emergency.

This is why friendors is a bad idea.

We only get one week off a year for vacation. That's 5 days. Not 7. If your wedding were on a weekend I'd fly in late Friday night or Saturday morning. Not everyone can take time off. Are you saying your Grandma and Sister didn't arrange for time off?

@Gummy....

This is why you hire pros and get a contract. The good ones show up, regardless; my staff and I catered a wedding the night after my husband /business partner's wake. Because we're professionals and we're hired and paid to do a job, regardless of our personal situations.

TBH I wouldn't want to risk not getting offered a job because I told them I needed a week off a month after starting to go to a DW. It also shouldn't matter if you are the first or last in your family to get married- that doesn't make your wedding more important than anyone else's.