KWR - Is it that hard to take time off for a wedding?

This vent came about because our friend who was planning on officiating, just accepted a job in CA and doesn't know if he can do already-planned wedding festivities. I have to wait for FH to come home to discuss more, but I'm already looking for a professional officiant (in fewer than two months!) or asking one of my brothers who doesn't have a role in the wedding yet...

I think it is for some people. My job has a very generous vacation policy (5 weeks) and we can also make up hours so we don't have to use vacation if we're only taking a half day. Other people - not so much. I remember my first job out of college we only got 10 days and you had to accrue them. There was no such thing as comp time. It was awful. So it might not be that they can't get the time off - it could just be that they have limited vacation time and don't want to use it on a wedding.

Yes it can be. I don't really understand your question, but some jobs make it very difficult to get time off. I'm starting up teaching and my specific school is not super lenient about time off, especially because, you know, we have a whole summer off. So, if I had a lot of weddings in a year, it could be hard to make it work.

I really don't understand your question, if it is one? I don't understand this post.

I mean...in some jobs yes. it is that hard, because they get a very limited amount of PTO, and either cant afford the time unpaid, or don't want to look bad to their employer....

If its people needing to take a couple of hours on a fri afternoon---ok maybe I see where you are coming from, but anything more than that, you cant expect from people unless they are super close and have the job and means to make those plans accordingly. Or maybe they simply aren't willing to sacrifice their time off for a wedding..

ETA: read your second post.. this is why people stress on here about having reliable vendors, not friendors. My brother did officiate my wedding--know the laws in your state, and know that they are able to do a good job, there is a lot more to it than you think. I also knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that my brother 100% wouldn't back out on me. I don't regret having him officiate for us at all because it turned out great, but the same cant be said for MOST family/friend officiants.

ETA2: I started a new job 6 weeks before our wedding. I was terrified to even ask for the time off unpaid for the wedding and honeymoon because I was afraid of how they would perceive me moving forward. DH and I even considered postponing our honeymoon or even taking a "mini-moon"...and that was for MY OWN wedding. They ended up being super understanding and flexible--but I know that's not the case for everyone.

Some jobs have black out dates so no amount of notice is going to matter, you still won't be able to take it off. Some people, and especially with a new job, have limited vacation time so if they already have a big vacation planned then they may not be able to take additional time off for the wedding. My fiance just started a job and only gets a week off. He's using that for our wedding so if someone else in his family also decided to get married within the year he'd either have to not go or see if he could take it unpaid

Honestly, this is why you hire a pro especially for something as important as an officiant. Nothing about your wedding matters, if you aren't legally married at the end of it. Also, with a pro comes a contract which means this doesn't happen. As for scheduling work off, this can be difficult when entering a new job. FH struggles taking time off since his schedule is on a rotation but someone with a new job might not feel comfortable requesting time off.

One of my bridesmaids got a new job and they declined her leave for the bachelorette and Bridal shower next weekend. There's nothing she or I can do about it. It's just part of the job.

ETA: She lives in Arizona and I'm in California.

As far as your friend who just accepted a new job - that makes total sense that he doesn't want to take time off. I usually don't take time off when starting a new job unless it's something really important. Like a vacation I already paid for. Or my own wedding.

I think one of the missing pieces to this - how many weddings or how much other time off do your guests have scheduled? I've had to RSVP no to weddings we couldn't afford to travel to, or couldn't take time of work for, but these things never exist in a vacuum Individually we could afford to attend and take time off for each wedding, but if it's the 7th wedding of the year we need to make some hard choices!

ETA: Personally I know several friends (and myself) who have had to clear pre-planned PTO when accepting a new job. In general I find employers to be pretty flexible (still totally depends on the job and industry), but it would have to be an incredibly important event for me to be asking for time-off before I've started the job!

Yes - it can be that hard.

My brother when he got hired in a supervisor role, he only got 2 days PTO for entire year - not counting holidays.

I felt horrible asking for time off for MY OWN wedding, let alone any other reason when first getting hired - IMO that looks bad

It absolutely can be difficult to get time off, especially with a new job. Many employers restrict time off for the first 3-6 months. And sometimes the new job will offer less vacation days, which makes it harder to prioritize vacation plans.

The bottom line is that life happens and not everyone has your wedding as your top priority. Try not to take it personally.

I declined attending a friend's wedding that's coming up on June 11th because I can't take the time off work. I started my new job just under 3 months ago and have only accrued a handful of vacation days. It would also be a roughly $600 trip for just me to go and we can't afford that right now.

It depends on the job. I saved up all my PTO and went on a three week trip last February (and we got engaged on the trip) and after telling my boss we were having a short engagement and getting married in September, she let me know my time off requests were contingent on if I had any PTO hours to use and she wouldn't approve any unpaid leave - and I'm getting the one married! Thankfully, I am quitting a few weeks before the wedding so it's a non-issue but yes, in some workplaces it can be that hard. My job routinely asks me where I'm going and why I need time off. I have a few friends who have had to put in their time off months in advance. People travelling from out of state to multiple weddings per year may not have the luxury.

Well this may come as a complete shock, but there are some situations where people need to actually earn the time before they can request it. Then there's the matter of seniority where senior staff gets to pick first.

And your officiant concern just validates the need to hire professionals.

I'm sure your friend didn't plan a relocation to CA to throw a wrench into your wedding plans.

It definitely can be that difficult. I just came off maternity leave 3 months ago and my PTO bank was completely drained. I've only accrued 30 hours since I've been back. One job I had only allows 5 sick days per year. That's it. No vacation days and no PTO.

New job, old job, advance notice, last minute notice...sometimes it just doesn't matter and people can't get the time off.

I agree with PPs. Taking time off can be difficult. I work in the agricultural industry and we have a blackout period from May through July. I have my laptop on me at all times in the summer as well.

Yes, it can be very difficult for some people starting a new job to take time off. At some companies, you are given a set amount of vacation time that starts at the beginning of the year, and at others, vacation time has to be accrued throughout the year. A new hire at my company only accrues about 4.5 hours of PTO each pay period, so it would take a month of working just to have one day of vacation to use. You can't expect your friends to put your pre-planned wedding festivities ahead of their careers.

Yes, it can be. Especially for a new hire. Typically employers ask if you plan on taking any time off in the foreseeable future, but that doesn't mean they can accommodate. Hire a professional who can commit. Your friend can participate in the wedding in another way.

Depends on the job and the person and their schedule. I am available to be a guest starting in the winter of 2019.....

Unfortunately, I agree with PPs that it can be hard. I just changed jobs mid-wedding planning, from a for-profit to a non-profit, so not only did I take a pay cut but I went from having 4 weeks off to 2. I'm literally not going to get paid for my 2 week honeymoon. Obviously FH and I have budgeted for that so it won't be a huge hit but it's a hit regardless. So between travel and the possibility of not getting paid, it can definitely be hard. He should have let you known earlier about the possibility that he might be moving but I'm sure he's been stressed about moving, etc.