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Saba
Dedicated November 2018

Kids or No Kids... my pov after my wedding.

Saba, on February 14, 2019 at 12:55 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 50

I see this question on the forum a lot and after my experience, I have to say: it's not a problem with the kids, it's parents. GET READY FOR A RANT. In my wedding we graciously allowed the grooms side 50 guests, which they ballooned up to ~90 (this is a totally different issue) because they invited...

I see this question on the forum a lot and after my experience, I have to say: it's not a problem with the kids, it's parents. GET READY FOR A RANT.

In my wedding we graciously allowed the grooms side 50 guests, which they ballooned up to ~90 (this is a totally different issue) because they invited everyone with their little kids. On my side, we were very picky with our invitations and most cases, except for family, was Mr. & Mrs. only. Now, there are definitely some obnoxious guests who bullied their way into bringing all 3 of their kids anyway.

OK. So my low-to-no kids wedding was now full of kids. I took the hit and rolled with the punches. You know what? I'm getting married and nothing's going to change that it's a happy day. I don't mind kids, they're guests and will enjoy. If their parents want to bring them, fine.

Unfortunately, I did not realize that these parents were straight up ridiculous. Bringing your kids to a wedding is not an excuse to say "oh, there are 200+ other adults who will watch my kids while I enjoy the wedding and mingle." You do not let your kids run wild. I would be mortified if my child went up to the stage reserved for the bride and groom and sat there for an hour.

My stage had kids in my seat the whole night. Not one or two kids, at least 6-7. I have to get this off my chest guys: these kids and their parents were SNOTS.

My venue was stunning and lush which gigantic 20 foot crystal chandeliers--it is incredibly upscale. While we were taking pictures I watched a 5 year old girl wander around unsupervised. She threw a favor bag up into the chandelier, it shook around a bit, and then the bag was stuck there for the rest of the night. This could have been a huge accident. I watched my event manager's face turn to stone, and bless his heart he went straight to the parents.

It is mind-boggling to me how parents can be so lackadaisical about this. Look, I know it's your angel, but we ain't paying $20K for a replacement chandelier because of that angel. And my photographers are not here to document how great your kids look in the bride and groom seats, and no one except your family wants pictures with your kids. These kids wouldn't even move for pictures--they are literally in most of my pictures because no one, including the parents, had the backbone to move them. No one thinks it's cute that you can't handle them. My photographer is a dear and had them cropped out wherever possible. But come on, this shouldn't even be an issue!

I know this turned into a giant rant LOL but I wanted to warn you guys: kids or no kids is not the issue--kids will always be kids no matter what. You can't discipline a baby for crying. It's the parents. Are they capable and willing to watch their kids the whole night? Do you trust them? There was no way for me know that some parents don't care what their kids are doing. Learn from my mistake: if you are inviting children, delegate someone to be firm enough to call parents' attention to the disruption their kids are causing.

This was not something that I as a bride was in a position to handle--the whole day I'm focused on letting things be and enjoying, but now I do regret how many family photos I have with someone else's kids. These were supposed to be photos with my sister, my parents, etc. and there's the kid who no one could move in the corner.

Parents--PLEASE keep an eye on your kids! I don't mind "reasonable" things like crying, I understand there isn't much you can do, but they shouldn't be running around disrupting other guests, much less the bride and groom! And they shouldn't be causing damage!

50 Comments

  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Thank you! I'm hoping it's a polite hint to at least keep the kids under control during those hours. After that, it will be loud with lots of dancing & drinking anyway. We also have an outdoor cigar bar, which I'm assuming most parents won't want their kids running around. We don't mind if kids stay until the party is over at 11, we just can't have them ruining speeches or meals or dances or the ceremony, or running around without supervision. My coordinator seems totally okay with telling parent's immediately if something is wrong. Fortunately, we don't have too many friends with kids like that anyway. Most events are kid friendly that we attend and there haven't been any problems.

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  • Paige
    Devoted September 2019
    Paige ·
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    My cousin (doesn’t have kids?) has told me at least three times “You can’t have your own child there and not invite anyone else’s kids.”

    Oh, please. I can absolutely do that, and I am. 💁🏼‍♀️
    • Reply
  • T
    Super June 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    I was naive to how many children fh had in his circle and said sure we love kids! Now I found out there’s 58-62 children 12 and under! And I have no idea how many teenagers!
    I now understand why people say no kids, and we are STRONGLY but politely encouraging people to find a sitter on our website. But we don’t ever have a sitter and it would be very difficult for us to attend without our children.
    so I get that position too. But if I take my kids somewhere like a wedding they WILL behave. I will not take my eyes off of them and if they were not able to keep it together I’d take them and leave.
    What you’re describing is such a nightmare! I’m so sorry and now I’m even more terrified!!
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  • JEANIE
    Expert April 2021
    JEANIE ·
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    Omg, I'm sorry to hear that. I would've lost it. There's no way I would've been able to keep it together. Thank God my venue only allows 10 children under 12 and by that time my nieces and nephews will be all be 7 and 8, so I'm not overly concerned. They are also all very well behaved children anyhow. I do totally agree with you that the parents have to control their children. Kids will be kids, but parents are the adults and must handle their children. That was seriously ridiculous!
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  • Rachel
    Expert September 2019
    Rachel ·
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    I'm not inviting kids (other than my own and two of her immediate cousins who are in the bridal party, and one of my cousins is welcome to bring her will-be newborn) because of this, but also because we just cannot afford to accommodate that many more people. If people try to RSVP with kids, they will be dealt a VERY firm hand. If they refuse to find a sitter...... "We're sorry you won't be able to make it."

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  • Misty
    Super October 2019
    Misty ·
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    Amen girl. The few "yes to kids" campers have to add so many loop holes and extra steps and fail safes just to expect a normal wedding day. Its exhausting to try to plan for and then you literally roll the dice and hope these parents.... parent. As snarky as I know that sounds, my major thought is simply... you're asking people to literally come party with you. That's an adult activity. I can't honestly expect my friends to come party and be present while still parenting. I am so appreciative you wrote this post. You've successfully painting the picture of the reality of the situation versus the "itll work itself out." Thank you! Sorry your day was not as wonderful as youd hoped with the distractions.
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  • B
    Master April 2019
    Brittany ·
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    As a mother of two small children, YES to this post.

    I'm sorry you had to deal with these things OP, but congratulations! Smiley ring

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  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    Thanks for the reaffirmation! I definitely will not be having kids at my wedding.
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  • Mrs. J Robinson
    Super March 2019
    Mrs. J Robinson ·
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    Omg! Talk about a wedding nightmare from hell!! I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Great post btw! It’s too late for us to change stuff now lol, but I think your post will give couples a lot to think about!
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  • Erika
    Expert April 2019
    Erika ·
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    My venue is upscale and also has 7 floors where heaven forbid a child could go missing. I have a strict no children policy except those involved in the wedding (which essentially is my child, nephew, niece and brothers). I had a cousin text me asking if she could bring her children and I politely reminded her that all invitees are adult representation only. I just don't want the liability of a child getting lost.

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  • M
    Dedicated June 2019
    Mia ·
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    WOW.... Your PSA (not a rant IMO) is ON POINT. This is why I'm not allowing children. Thanks for helping me confirm my thoughts. Me and my FH have a very low tolerance on shenanigans, we are also very direct people. I would totally hate to kick my relatives and their children out for acting like maniacs.

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  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
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    OMG this seriously sounds horrendous! I hope you still got to enjoy your day regardless.

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  • S
    Devoted April 2021
    Soon2BMrsR ·
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    In defense of kids. Good parents have good kids. I have been at a wedding where it was so. The bride visited the table and the kids where all over her. They wanted to touch the dress, her hair and they genuinely wanted to be around her. Like bees flying to honey. The photographer made the best of it. She was happy to dance with the kids; she picked one up and swirled him around with his legs in the air while the dancing was going on--he was beyond happy, like on a Disneyland ride. All the other kids wanted the same ride so they lined up.

    Kids, if they have spectacle to stare at and strong parents administering boundaries, are not the villains you expect them to be. They are often cute and they remind you of yourself when you had a sense of wonder. They can surprise and are better behaved than their parents.

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  • Alejandra
    Super March 2019
    Alejandra ·
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    I am so sorry this was your experience, for this reason and others I was very insistent on having an adult only wedding. Our venue is a restaurant on a hilltop and is surrounded by terraces, stairs and hillside. I feel like people think just that, there's so many people around so someone will see if my kid gets into trouble. What happens if your kid decides to jump down some steps and cracks his head on the concrete? We have an open bar and want all of our guests to celebrate with us. For one day, thats all I want.

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  • LaLa
    Devoted October 2019
    LaLa ·
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    I never even thought of this! Sorry you had to deal with this, but thanks for warning others lol.

    I'll have to designate someone to keep an eye on one crazy family with 4 kids. I know their parents could possibly be a problem after they have a few drinks lol.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Ugh! I don't get the parents who let their kids be hellions everywhere they go. My son would never get away with any of that. Everywhere we go I get compliments on how sweet and polite and well behaved he is. My cousin on the other hand has a little monster because she lets him be a monster. No one in the house of 6-7 adults ever disciplines him and you can tell. Bad parents create bad kids.

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  • Brittany
    Super October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    Thank you for this post, seriously. I am mortified now though. Kids are invited to my wedding which I hope and pray their parents watch them. I'm not sure how many kids will be coming yet, but there are at least 10 invited. Do you have any tips for people who ARE having kids at their wedding? My father is paying for the wedding and he really wanted his side of the family to invite their kids, who are well behaved. However, I can't allow some kids but not all...and of course my moms side is the one that has a million kids. Do you have any tips for people who are allowing kids, that you would do differently? (other than not inviting them, lol). Do you think that hiring/inviting a babysitter to kind of be the overall one in charge of kids is a good idea? Just to make sure none are running around or acting crazy? I am so afraid of this happening but I'm so glad you made this post because it's super important to think about.

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  • Soon2Bmrsp
    VIP May 2019
    Soon2Bmrsp ·
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    This is exactly why I am NOT having kids at my wedding. (1) I dont have any kids on my side. All of the kids are on my FH side and they dont watch them at family function so I can just envision them being rambuctious at a wedding, NOPE I'm not having it.


    I'm so sorry that your day was like this and the sad part about it was they probably didnt even recognize that their children were in the way...smdh

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  • Saba
    Dedicated November 2018
    Saba ·
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    The kids in your example are great and clearly well-behaved. If they were guests at my wedding I don't think there would have been any issue at all.... actually your experience was how I was imagining it would be with kids at the wedding.

    Unfortunately, the kids and their parents at my wedding were not at all like that. There were some, but everyone only saw the disruptive ones.

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  • Mozabrat
    Devoted October 2018
    Mozabrat ·
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    YYYYYAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!! Exactly! It is the parents that think their kids are entitled to invitations that are the worst offenders of not looking after them. Yes, yes, yes...it is not the children, as children are just that...children! It is the parents that are a pain and let their kids run wild and act like they are on a playground instead of a very expensive wedding reception. This is exactly why many of my events are no children.

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