Kids: invite some, exclude others. Yay or Nay?

Breastfeeding infants are always the exception to the rule.

We kept our kids to just flower girl (bridesmaid's daughter), ring bearers (FH's nephews), and a friend's son (FH godson). We made the exception for him because not only his he FHs godson, but he also on the spectrum. We wanted to give our friends as many options as possible so they weren't forced to find a sitter.

Some people will say it's your wedding so you can do whatever you want; however I think it is rude to invite some, but not all children. The children in the wedding party is understandable. I don't feel like picking and choosing is okay.

I feel like this is tricky without knowing who the other kids are that aren’t invited. Are they also family? Or just friends’ kids?

We don't have many kids, but some were non-negotiable, and we kinda drew a line. If they were close family or friends we interacted with regularly, they were invited. If they were extended family or people we did not interact with regularly, they were not. I think it depends on who it is and why you're not inviting. We had to cut some because of venue limitations.

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A lot of them are children from our friend's, at least every couple has multiple kids.

Some are from family, kids of niece's and nephew's that we've met once and never held a conversation with.

We had a total of 5 kids at the wedding. It's your day if you want to only invite a few its ok.

It’s rude to invite some kids and not others (breastfeeding babies always ok). And kids in wedding party are exception so put more in there if you want. But no cousin’s kid or fiancé’s niece unless those kids are in your wedding party.

Plus, a “fair” rule can help you hold your ground against any protesting guests. A few might become a real pain and push for their kids, and if they see other kids there will have an absolute hissy that could last years.

I suggest having a firm boundary to mitigate drama: i.e. breastfeeding, wedding party, out of town, direct kin. You will have people argue and try to negotiate. Having a firm line will help out.

We did family only children (which included the children in the wedding party). We had three children.

We are doing children of family members but not friends (with the exception of newborns breastfeeding obviously). We aren't really stating anything of the sort on our website etc.. we will just address the invitations with names of everyone invited (so for family members their children's names will be on the invites as well and for friends their children's names will be off of them). We will still have more than 15 children there.

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I can understand that concept of not inviting kids who you aren't close with. Did you have anyone that showed up to the wedding and was angry because their kids weren't invited?

I would invite them in circles, immediate family and kids in the wedding. I also cannot honestly imagine anyone being upset that their child wasn’t invited to a wedding unless it was a destination wedding. Yes, I don’t have kids right now, but I feel like everyone I know loves weddings as a relaxing night out, kid free. My own sister is getting a sitter for my nephew who will be the ring bearer as she wants to enjoy the reception with no worries.

It does seem like other guests may question why those kids but not theirs. Breastfeeding babies and wedding party are always the exception, but we made an exception for my niece and her nephew who each have a son since they would be coming from out of town. It is your wedding, but I would recommend at least contacting guests with kids to discuss it before they show up and feel hurt.

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What about kids of bridesmaids and groomsmen who are in the wedding party?

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If anyone would have been unable to attend without them, we would have invited them, but everyone was fine with leaving them at home. We had 2 people with children (each had 1 child) and both were able to find care for them and said they preferred to leave them at home anyway.

This is a slippery slope. I think it'll upset some guests who have children but they were excluded from the guest list when they see other children there aside from breastfeeding babies and wedding party. It's your decision and just make sure you stick to whatever your decision becomes because it sounds like you think it's getting out of hand already. We decided no children under 17 because my FH's cousins, the youngest is 17 and we can't invite her siblings but not her.

I think kids are best done in circles. So, it’s okay to invite cousins’ kids but not coworkers’ kids (as long as you don’t say anywhere that it is a kid-free wedding as that’s obviously not true!). But it’s not okay to draw lines within the circle. Like if you invite cousin A’s kids, you can’t then NOT invite cousin B’s kids

We are having no kids, EXCEPT our flower girl and ring bearer. So only one 2yo and one 5yo and we are sticking to it.

I invited the children that I know. I have like 10 cousins invited from out of town and I’ve never met their kids and they have like 2 each. Sorry, not invited. Our family and friends who’s kids we did invite are not bringing them because they want to enjoy themselves lol.

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I totally agree with this.

The first exception you made for flower girls/ring bearers makes total sense. No one elses kid is one, so that's an easy out.

The second exception for cousins kids, well, how are you going to tell all your other cousins and FHs cousins no to bringing their kids? Not really fair.

Third exception for your FHs niece, same thing.

We only allowed ONE child - my nephew who is special needs and from out of state. FHs brother and SIL and niece threw a fit over it. Ultimately we said, well, when you are special needs and live out of state you can come too. You have to draw a line and it's going to be really hard to draw a straight one with the exceptions you made. I think you've opened the door to all family kids.