Kids invitation etiquette

View Quoted Comment Sadly no because family members who they would trust will also be invited to the wedding, from being out state they don’t have any good friends here that I know of

I am doing what your mom suggested on my invites because I want to make it clear that no kids besides the flower girl are invited lol I think it’s the best way to approach your situation

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Sounds like a very tough situation. I don't ever think there is an easy answer when it comes to weddings and children. I hope you are able to come up with a solution that works for you without upsetting your guests.

I’m in the same boat. My younger siblings are the only kids attending. but here’s how I see it
1. I’m paying for it
2. I’m giving them PLENTY of notice so they can find a babysitter for one night3. It’s not about anyone else except the 2 people getting married. So if they get mad they are being selfish
I’m doing RSVP through wedding wire so it will list each individual name. (I’m also not doing plus ones). Also on the invite I am going to put “adults only affair” that way it’s clear children aren’t invited. I also liked the idea of the rsvp saying “_ out of _ guests will be attending. Or we have reserved _ seats for you. Or something in that manner. I’m learning not to stress over what other people may think since I have my own stuff to worry about while planning the wedding. (Also if anyone decides they won’t go because their kids can’t go that’s just less people I gotta pay for lol)
In the end it’s your day not anyone else’s (well maybe the groom lol)

I actually listed due to Covid-19, we had to keep our numbers low; therefore we were only going to be able to allow 2 persons per invitation. I figured that should keep numbernof children to a minimum. I'm in the same boat, only wanting children in our family at the wedding.

I just don’t see that it should matter if someone can’t recognize that family children are different than non-family children at a wedding. The bride and groom have to pay for every person that attends (except for infants) so why would they be ok paying for 5, 10, 15+ people/meals for their friends’ children? If they get upset that is on them. Don’t worry about it.
We too are having only family children. Granted our guest list is very small and I was able to personally talk to our friends that are invited and explain to them that unfortunately we can’t include their children. All were very understanding. Two of our friends are coming from out of state and will have to fly to our wedding. Yet they had no issues and were 100% understanding of us not being able to include their children (which would have been 6 between the two families).
Address the invitations to only those invited, do what your mom suggested on the RSVP and add a FAQ on your website. If your wedding is important enough to your friends they will figure it out and if not then that is in them, not you. Think about it this way.... a family doesn’t want to have to pay for a sitter or figure out a plan for their children for your wedding but they expect you to pay $65+ (super low end) to feed each of their children at your wedding? Nope, you are not being rude in this scenario.

We’re doing the same thing for our reception! Granted we don’t know a lot of people with kids anyway but the same would apply. I’m just addressing the family member’s invitation to the parent(s) and just letting them know that their kids are invited too. I also just added a +2 (or whatever number of kids they have) to the RSVP cards. Hope that helps!

When we told everyone about our engagement, we also said that this is going to be an adult only party. I have a large family with my siblings having 5 kids each (who are older & have partners). I told my siblings that due to cost my nieces/nephews will not be able to come. I also put on our website that this is an adult only party, to please hire a sitter & have a night out on us! Our family & friends totally understand & agree that the cost would get out of control.

I’m in a very similar situation as you and although most of our guest list would “get the hint” by addressing the invites accordingly as PPs have said, we have some family members that just assume their kids can come everywhere no matter what. And our ceremony/reception area isn’t super kid friendly, so I included this on our details card (because I would rather spell it out in black & white instead of leaving it to chance):


“Although we love your little ones, this is an adults only event. Please let us know if you need help with childcare arrangements. Thank you for understanding!”

View Quoted Comment Hi Rylie,
You’re right it’s my day not anyone else’s, I just have a horrible habit of worrying if someone is upset with me haha thank you for the Advice!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I definitely plant to add wording like that to my wedding site since mostly everyone has suggested it! Hopefully it works lol

View Quoted Comment I do too but sometimes you gotta just do what makes you happy and don’t feel bad about it. I’ve also forewarned most of my friends so they are aware before I send it the invites

I say go with your mom's idea & simply put the number of people expected from that household. If someone has a question about it, kindly explain to them your reasons for not wanting non-family children at your wedding. As long as you give them a heads up far in advance then they can choose whether they'd want to come or not. If you're still not trying to have anyone upset, maybe offer some help in finding a sitter or something for their stay. I don't have kids, but I could understand how it would be hard to travel like that for some days without your kids & no reliable sitter.

For us, everyone's kids are invited mostly because I see a wedding as a family event and pretty much everyone in my immediate family/circle of friends has kids so being kid-free would be a challenge. Luckily for us, kids 12 and under are cheaper than adults so the cost balances out regardless.

Good luck & don't stress about it, I'm sure your friends will understand.

On the FAQ page of our website I listed that the wedding and reception are adult only events. The only small children are flower girls and ring bearer, and then some cousins who are 12 or older. The only children that will be in attendance are family, and I don’t think you have to explain that to anyone. The parents with children requested at the wedding have been notified and as far as anyone else is concerned, it is an adult only event.

If you don’t want to have kids in your body it’s fine. Does it make any sense for you to pay full price of food for the kids they don’t even eat . Just write it on your invitations there will be no children sorry for the inconvenience everybody will understand

This is the polite thing. You write the exact name of each person in the family who is invited, on the envelope . You either list each person on RSVP card, or at least the number invited.
You never talk about who is not invited. It is not the business of those invited who have children, whether or not other children are coming. Only, does their invitation list the names of children? Or only parents, or others in the household. This is your wedding. First, you invite the people you feel closest to. That may include some relatives kids. If there are relatives kids you do not know at all, you may not-invite them, while inviting all of the family children you do know. Do not be really arbitrary, invite 3 siblings but not the fourth, you know the boys but not the girl. There, whole families are invited, unless some kids are younger and not appropriate for the party. 2 year olds don'y go out at 7 and party til 1 am, but a 14 yr old may. That kind of reasonable thing is the only reason to split within a family. But drawing a line, kids you know from relatives, and maybe a godchild, whose parents are friends, may all be invited, and people you are less close to, friends, parent's friends, coworkers, may all be invited without children.
For anyone who questions it: first, it is rude for guests to question or speculate on why hosts invited who they did. Give them a look that makes it clear you are not pleased. And sweetly say, we are the hosts, and we decided who we wanted to have at our wedding and reception. And cut off anyone who spouts, it's not fair. This is not a little league tryout, or an earned award. You do not have to treat everyone equally. Wedding invitations are determined by who the couple feels closest to. Why didn't we invite your daughter Julie and Max the Wonderboy? Don't discuss anything about those kids, that parents can argue. Simply, we have a limited number of seats, and the only children we invited are those, mostly family, whom we feel very close to. End of conversation. You are not having a day activity or day care program. Parents are responsible for providing for their own children, not you. Whether it is 2 children or 43, at $50-$100 per person, you are not obliged to invite them. Parents find childcare, or regretfully stay home. 🤗 ( Mother of 5, here.)

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your insight Judith!

View Quoted Comment The usual, if they do not have family the children might stay with, is to bring the children to the wedding area. And have a babysitter there for 6-8 hours only.
It is usual to make exceptions for infants up to 9 months, sometimes up to a year if nursing. We found that by some sort of local or county ordinance, where we married in a touristy mountain area, no one could leave any child 15 months and under in a hotel, motel, Inn room with a babysitter who was not a relative. Which left us with 13 babies up to 25 months, mostly under 6 months, plus 2 toddlers with medical or language issues. We got use of a room in the Inn where the ceremony and reception were, and for an evening/ night wedding, hired a couple of area nurses and day care people . Nursing mothers, feeding fathers or grands, quietly walked down the hall and back. And we paid some older teens from each side ( not invited) to babysit others . But we have big families. Sometimes families or friends more than a couple hours drive away simply do not both make it to weddings and such, because as with a vacation, the total travel and lodgings and child care is too much. So they miss it. You make an occassional accomodation if you wish, but it should not be expected. When people have kids, they sign on for a few years where the budget is tough, and they may not travel anywhere, not just to a wedding. But that does not mean that hosts ( who did not choose having the kids) have any responsibility. They don't. Family, and a few people you go further with, and that should be fine. Whether arranging sitters, or a playroom with childcare people, those are family you are closest to. Not a perk for every guest.

We're in a similar boat! Our kid count was oringinally over 20, which is waaay too many. Especiallt since our venue is a large horse farm with a lake, firepit, etc. The owner is ver strict with children and I do not need any kids left unattended. We're only inviting 9 kids (still a lot *face palm) that are very close us. At least of these kids will be infants/toddlers. We are going to incorporate them into our day by having them be ushers, program passers, etc. I think we'll end up telling the other family members in advance but also addressing the invitations to the parents only.

I am definitely in the same boat as you. We have so many kids in our family both mines and his and like you said we all usually help each other out when it comes to watching each others kids so we kept it to only family kids cause if not we would be out numbered by kids as well. We are planning on just doing as your mom said with the we have _ # of seats reserved for you .