Kids...can you allow some and not others?

If I'm understanding Morgan correctly, it's not that she doesn't want kids at the Wedding. It's that she doesn't want people to bring their child, plus the child's non-related friend to keep them company. Or, she doesn't want FH's Aunt to bring her non-invited grandchildren (when FH's adult cousins may not be invited) along with grandchildren's friends to keep them company. etc.

I think putting an actual # of people on invites, scouring RSVPs to make sure no extras pop up, and having FH spread by word of mouth that this is not acceptable may be the best way to go. Maybe spread the word that only children of people invited may attend, not grandchildren or extra friends.

If I misunderstood Morgan, please disregard!

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That is a great idea! I didn't even think about the seats reserved part on an invite.

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Unfortunately, the "little" cousins are on my side of the family and are kind of a non negotiable for my mom. We are even inviting one of my cousin's in-laws because my mom spends a lot of time with them.

On my in-laws side, a lot of the children are grandchildren (who we don't know well at all) of our guests because my fiance's family has a bit of a career crime problem. We even have another issue involving two of my fiance's cousins who want to come when they get released from prison-one in December and the other two months before our wedding.

The guest list is probably the most stressful planning aspect of our wedding. Everything else has been really smoother until now...

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That's one of my main worries with to many kids. Our venue is small and quaint, but I feel like too many kids will mean broken things and guests getting annoyed. There are just too many wild, undisciplined children in our family.

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Exactly!! Haha. My family and my fiance's family are a mixture of super religious couples who don't believe in birth control and super irresponsible family members who need some birth control. There are soooo many children.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, and that's the sad part, that kids arent disciplined much if any at all anymore. Which sucks. But yeah, If children did attend and things get broke I highly doubt their parents would be willing to pay for damages so it would be another bill for you and your FH.i dont see how having kids there could be easy at all I see it just being more stressful. Do. Not get me wrong, I love children. But a wedding is pretty stressful enough and adding kids to the mix makes it worse.

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The baby's meal option??? Is he for real?? I would freak out and probably tell him to stay home.

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Your totally on point Theresa! I definitely thing I will make a number of people invited on the RSVP. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

I just don't get why people would bring extra kids that aren't closely related to them. It's just a really weird, impolite action...

I'm doing something similar as well. The only kids from local people will be our flower girls. However, anyone coming in from out of state will be allowed to bring their kids. We can't expect them to come and find a baby-sitter in a state they don't live in. Hoping it doesn't cause drama, but also am not that worried if it does!

I am only inviting my nieces and nephews bc I want them in my pictures so I have verbally let some know in a nice way that it is a small wedding and we just don't have room to have kids and our friends. I am putting Adults only on my invites and told my siblings and my fiancé told his cousin that their one kid could come. People will just have to understand that we are not paying $135 for a kid that we aren't close to!

Probably recapping what a lot of people have said, and I know etiquette has gone out the window for many, but that said, etiquette dictates that whoever is on the inner envelope (or outer if no inner) is WHO is invited. Just them. No one else. So if it says "Fiance's Aunt X, fiance's Uncle X, and Kid X" that's who is invited. If they RSVP for four, they're being rude and you are more than welcome to call and tell them that you only invited 1,2,3 and that you cannot accommodate 4. I know it's hard to do that, but you can't accommodate them, and you don't need to explain why.

That said, it would be much easier to do no kids at all and then you don't have to worry about people having hurt feelings that niece, nephew, godchild, and little cousins are invited, but not fiance's cousins (that's what they are if it's fiances moms siblings kids) and second cousins. It does seem unfair to allow some but not others. That said, if you don't care about fair then do what you want. Make it clear on the invitation by listing names, make calls to rude people that don't listen, and if you want to do the number thing (writing in the number of people invited) feel free to do so. My sister did that for her fiances side and people STILL crossed it out and added more! People never cease to amaze me!

We are doing a bridal party which includes my 2 2-year old nephews, 5 year old niece, and my future stepdaughter. No other children are invited, mostly because of space, cost, and we wanted a child-free night. Because the other kids are little, both of my sisters actually want to have them go to the baby sitters before reception which is an awesome idea. Unfortunately some friends want to bring their kids and we told them we were only having the couple of kids, and they wouldn't be there all night. Some of the guests got a little butt-hurt, but ultimately it's exactly what we want.

Some of my cousins have up to 4 kids, and we felt it will turn into more of a kids party than an adults only wedding evening. Some of our guests have thanked us for it because they want a chance to escape, loosen up, and have a GREAT night instead of chasing after their kiddos.

Just be assertive, and have your wedding party BACK YOU UP. They are there to help, and we've asked everyone to help with that which they have.

Address envelopes accordingly, RSVP cards with 2 name spaces/entree choices.

We are writing on our invites "Adults Only Invited." There will be a couple of children, but that's our business. If anyone complains, I'll tell them to have a discussion with the children!

I’m currently going through the same thing. On our invitations we added an insert created in Microsoft word that clarifies who EXACTLY the invitation is for, and had a disclaimer on the bottom saying “Due to limited spacing no extra guests are permitted” . My great-aunt got upset that one set of children was invited but the other wasn’t, but I had to realize it’s not my great aunts day or money.

My venue has a strict rule where children under 12 were limited to 4 or else a (very expensive!) babysitter would have to be hired, so we only allowed children 12 and up, but we allowed 4 young ones in: the flower girl, the ring bearer, and two junior wedding party members who are very close to us. At first some family members with children in both age ranges were taken aback, but then they realized that they'd be able to have some freedom not having to look after their small kids all night.

Honestly, we would have made it "no one under 21 allowed" but my fiancé's brother has a teen daughter who we couldn't leave out, and he has many other siblings with children, and if only this one was allowed but the others weren't, well....it's a snowball effect! So I think this is a fair separation on our part.

My FH and I just went to a wedding that was "no kids" but there were several kids there. We would have gotten a sitter for the night anyway so it didn't bother me. She was my roommate and I've known her for 10+ years and I asked her if people bright their kids even though the invite said no kids. She said the only kids that were supposed to be there were her flower girls. She obviously did let it ruin her day but was disappointed people didn't respect her wishes. The majority of our friends with kids are getting a sitter for their little ones.

Our invitations say "Adult only reception to follow and Adult beverages"
We are only inviting my stepson who is 17 and the 2 grandbabies that will be 13 mos and 3 mos. Along with a young one that is from out of state.
Essentially we have told people that it is a NO kid wedding except the nursing infants that need mom

I tried to make an age rule: no children 2 and under and it's already a lost battle. If people are going to be tactless and rude and bring their babies/kids that you didn't explicitly invite, they are going to bulldoze on and do it anyway. You have to decide what's really worth it at the end of the day... I don't want to get into it with any of my family, or worse, my groom's friends so I am just letting whatever happen happen. My venue does include wooden rocking chairs so I am planning on putting a few on the outside of the back rows of chairs so they can take a hint that A, it was a tactless mistake for them to bring their baby and B, they then have a quick exit if their baby starts crying. I will NEVER be that person and can't imagine why people can't be somewhat self aware and find a sitter. We did honestly forget to invite one of the groomsmen's child and he is so hyperactive and annoying that we are just hoping they take the hint and don't bring him.

We have "no kids" policy and I have made that very clear to anyone who has either asked or I've seen recently. I have only invited my children (duh, flower girl and ring bearer) and my older nephew who is 10. I want everyone to enjoy themselves (especially my bridesmaids) so I told them "leave your kids with grandma and grandpa and have a date night". One thing I have learned in this process is that I need to have thick skin and cannot worry about everyone's feelings. It's mine and my fiance's day!

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On my RSVP I stated, "We have reserved ____ seats for you;"