Guadalupe
Beginner August 2021

Kids at Weddings

Guadalupe, on October 25, 2020 at 2:35 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 26
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Hey brides!! I’m so upset and I feel like I am being forced into something I don’t want. I am having a kid free wedding. (August 15,2021). My family does not think it’s a good idea because a few of my cousins are pregnant/have kids and will have their babies by then and they’ll be less than 1-2 years old. My family keeps arguing with me in regards to this and are now not even speaking to me because of this decision. I am very firm when it comes to things that I want, especially my wedding. If I make an exception for one I have to make it for the others.. then it’ll turn into what I don’t want. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this situation without offending anyone. But now I’m even getting threats as far as, “if kids aren’t invited were not coming” like woah? Is this topic that serious? Please help. I’m really stressed out. 😕😔

26 Comments

Latest activity by Cassidy, on November 8, 2020 at 10:30 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I understand both sides. I understand you not wanting kids at your wedding because we're not having kids at our big wedding either (aside from the bridal party). But I do get the other side as well because some parents may not have babysitters or may not feel comfortable leaving their kids with other people so young.


    It's your wedding at the end of the day so if you don't want kids in attendance then I would stand firm with that. It's your big day and you can do what you want!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    It seemed like everyone who married the previous 3 summers had a baby when were planning our marriage, We did not want kids under 15 or 16 at our 7:30pm -1am formal wedding. It worked very well to choose a venue Inn with an extra room on the same floor, as a nursery. We hired a couple of staff, and parents came and went. 13 babies 2 weeks to 15 months, plus 2 a little older , toddlers with need to be close to parents. At any given time, only 2-3 were awake until about 11, when maybe 8 were nursing. We never heard from them, except when we went to check. Every time, a couple of parents or grandparents were in ro king chairs, feeding or checking it. I heard later that at one point there were enough grandparents who were showing off their babies that they were sitting together in a parlor, but at midnight they had danced or talked enough.
    Small babies are usually an exception for " no children" weddings, as long as someone can take them out so they do not cry during the ceremony. You might consider a portacrib nursery and sitters ( ours were LVN nurses from the local hospital, and a Day care person. We had already planned this when we heard that by local law no one could leave kids under 15 months in a hotel room with a sitter who was not family. We wanted the babies where mom's could nurse, and any family could visit. No one raised a fuss or stayed home because kids 18 months to 15 were mot welcome, once we pointed out there were too many. But I wanted MOH, BM, 2 sisters and one brother, and friends, and 2 of hubby's brothers, who would not have been able to leave them and attend the wedding, if we did not have a nursery.
    • Reply
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
    • Flag

    I can see both sides. You’re well within your rights to have a child free wedding, but you do need to be aware that some people won’t be comfortable leaving their kids with a sitter and so therefore won’t attend. This particularly applies to any moms who are exclusively breastfeeding - it may not actually be possible for them to be apart from their baby for any more than a couple of hours. Even with child free weddings, exceptions are usually made for breastfed babies. However, it’s your wedding and entirely your decision!

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    We had a child free wedding, but we made an exception for a six month old. Children that young are normally considered exempt from the no child to because they heavily rely on their parents. I am currently pregnant and I wouldn't at all be okay with leaving my child that young with a babysitter. We have two weddings next year and I have no clue if I'm attending either because they aren't allowing children and I plan on breastfeeding so I can't exactly just leave the baby. My mom has offered to watch our baby, but I still need to figure out how that would work.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I don't think you should let anyone else decide whether or not you have a kid-free wedding. That decision is up to you and your fiance. Unfortunately, the downside to kid-free weddings is that some people might not attend because of it. It could be because they couldn't find a babysitter, or they're upset that they can't bring their child, or they don't want to be away from their kids that long, or any other reason (all of which are valid reasons). As long as you're OK with that some people might decline the wedding invite, you should stick to your plan of a kid-free wedding if it's what you and your fiance want.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    Kids don’t want to be at weddings just as much as you don’t want them there. It’s your wedding, not a birthday party. If people don’t show up because they want their kids there, then you’re probably better off not having them there at all.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    We are having an adult only wedding also. We realized when we made the decision that would mean some people may decline to attend; but in the end, we would rather have a few people not show up than have children running around, being loud, changing the party vibe of the reception and potentially ruining our ceremony (I’ve been to multiple weddings where this has happened). As people have pointed out, kids typically don’t like weddings - they would rather be running around playing than sitting quietly, bored. TBH, I don’t know where parents have gotten this idea that children are entitled a wedding invitation. There are tons of places in our daily lives that it is not appropriate to have children- you don’t take your kids to work with you, or out on date night, or out drinking at a bar... so why on earth do people get so butt hurt when couples have adult only weddings? I just don’t get it. It should be regarded as any other place children are not allowed- you simply respect the rule, and either choose to get a babysitter for the evening or you choose to stay home. Fits should not be thrown. I mean, you aren’t going to go to your boss and throw a tantrum because they won’t allow your child to go with you to work are you? smh
    In any case, I think you and your fiancé just need to weigh out the pros and cons of inviting children, and make the decision that is best for you. Are you willing to change the vibe of your wedding and take on the potential negative consequences of inviting children in order to keep the peace with those particular family members? If not, don’t feel bad! Just make it adult only & stand your ground. Just realize that some people may be upset by your decision or choose not to attend. But hey, you can’t always make everybody happy! 🤷🏼‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Stick to your plans! For the life of me, I’ve never understood the the thought that babies/children are automatically invited/welcome everywhere. A parent with respect would never force their children upon others or try to guilt someone or use their child’s attendance as an ultimatum. That’s ridiculous!! I can think of many events/outings where an invited couple would never ask to or bring their child. So why are weddings supposed to be an exception??? This isn’t Chuck E. Cheese. I’m a firm believer that kids/babies simply aren’t able to go everywhere. That’s just life and a reality pill that parents have to swallow. If parents have a child and choose not to have a solid childcare plan or support system for times like this, then they’re setting themselves up for stress and constant disappointment. We all know that life totally changes the moment you become a parent and a huge part of that involves making sacrifices. Many times part of that sacrifice involves being unable to attend certain activities/events. 🤷🏽‍♀️
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Mother of 5 , I absolutely agree children do not go everywhere. As a parent, I am responsible for my childcare, not party hosts. But very young babies are different. Forget what you read. Many, many infants do not nurse easily, do not except other feeders for stored milk, and cannot be left with babysitters ( especially when their regular ones are at your wedding too.) Regularly crying and colicky babies do not belong at a wedding. But most newborn to 6-8 moths go nowhere, have no meal or other costs, and your 4-6 hour wedding may be 8 hours or more for the guest. Why most women give mommies of infants a special pass to bring baby. They do not go anywhere, or get in anything, and sleep much of the time. And mothers do not lose their lives entirely from birth til they are of age for a sitter.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
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    tenor.gif
    YES!!! I don’t know when this shift happened in parenting. I know when I was a child, my parents didn’t take me to events with them. I was home with the babysitter or a family member while they went to adult things. Past generations parentedtheir children... they didn’t make them their little co-dependent shadows. It’s important for children to learn that they cannot do everything adults do. And it’s important for parents to learn that their entire lives shouldn’t be lived for their children. Parents still need to go out and have adult time- it’s important for them both individually and as a couple. That being said, I realize there are certain specific instances where children or newborns may not be able to be left at home with a sitter. And that’s fine. But those parents need to simply decline the invitation and not throw fits or guilt trips. It comes off as extremely entitled.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Yes to ALL of this!!! I’m in my 40’s and Woo Weee.... the shift in parenting is sometimes sad and shocking!!!! 😳
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Your family members are being unreasonable. That's what babysitters are for! People have adult only weddings all the time. You can offer to help find a babysitter but you're in no way obligated to provide one. I had a kid-free wedding myself and several cousins did not attend my wedding due to this same issue (I wasn't making any exceptions expect for my two nieces who were flower girls and actually in the wedding). It was disappointing but that comes with the territory with having an adult-only wedding. There will usually be somebody who has a problem with it. I would say to move forward with your vision and stick to your original plan of adult only!

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Sure, I do agree that us parents shouldn’t “lose” our lives for years. But there are simply times when parents (and even non-parents) have to choose. Naturally that sometimes results in a decline while other times you can attend. But going to everything isn’t possible, so sometimes that means missing a wedding.
    • Reply
  • Mickie
    Beginner October 2021
    Mickie ·
    • Flag

    Yes this will invoke strong emotions in some. It's unfortunate that people are threatening to not come if that is the case. You know that wedding planning is a lot and you have to what you want because at the end of the day, it's about you.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Remember-IT’S YOUR WEDDING, YOUR DAY! We are also having a child free wedding. The only exception is the flower girl (age 9) & her little brother the ring bearer (age 2). The venue has the groom’s room that has couches & a tv for them- the parents (my FH’s sister & bro in law) will have a place for the kids once they get sleepy & are tired. It irritates the crap out of me seeing kids running around & the parents taking absolutely no control/responsibility over their kids.
    We have told everyone that this is a child free wedding. Even on our website, it says “even though we love your children, hire a sitter & come celebrate with us! Perfect date night!” Our response cards have “Adult Ceremony/Reception”. We understand some will decline to come to our wedding because of this but this is our wedding.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag
    We did a kid-free wedding and soooo glad!
    The husband’s sister threatened to not come and she didn’t Smiley smile Saved us money $600 as it was $300/plate. Kids plates were $175 and I’m not doing that for some chicken nuggets. I also think kids at weddings are obnoxious and make the environment less elegant. It’s about what we want, not what other people find convenient. Just a heads up, people really might not show... depends on if that bothers you or not.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    It's up to the hosts to decide if kids are invited or not and guests need to respect that decision. Parents in the current generation are largely trying to undo everything their own parents did, thus today you have countless children attached at the hip, undisciplined, and everything else under the sun, which makes others despise children as a whole rather than just the bad apples. There are some events that are not child-friendly and parents need to realize that and set up a regular babysitter. They have childcare for going to work and other events so a night out should be no different.

    However, if you choose to have a child-free event, then it should be no children at all. When you make exceptions for babies, flowergirls, the couple's own children, while everyone else is told to leave their kids at home, *that* is where the problem comes in of being upset because it's not consistent. If you want to follow proper etiquette, it's all or none as far as kids with no exceptions for certain groups.
    • Reply
  • Alma
    Expert October 2020
    Alma ·
    • Flag
    You have to stick to your guns! Having a kid free wedding is unheard of in my family! However, I chose to have a kid free wedding and I don’t regret it at all! A lot of my cousins didn’t show because of that and that was totally fine with me. You have to be prepared for declines and be okay with it. It will be a beautiful day!! ❤️
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Savvy June 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    I understand not wanting kids. We are not having kids at our wedding and have the same, family members with small kids and pregnant currently. My sister was shocked when I said kids arent included. I dont have children yet and, no offense, dont want their unpredictability at our wedding. If it helps, try wording it that you want it to be a fun night out for parents, so please leave the kids at home. I've heard that before and think it's the most polite way to word it! Good luck
    • Reply
  • Jei
    Dedicated June 2021
    Jei ·
    • Flag
    Stand firm on your decision. If YOU don't want kids at YOUR wedding, and you and your FH both agree on that then that's that. Our adult only wedding is that way and while I would love for everyone to come, its what we decided for our day. Its not rude of you and it isn't to exclude anyone. It's a preference on a day that should be focused on a beautiful union of two people. True, some people will miss the wedding, especially those with younger children who are uncomfortable leaving a baby with a sitter. That is there choice and you should respect that fully. However, you are entitled to make your choices for your big day. In my opinion, no one should ask you to alter your plans for what you envision for your life. Just like they wouldn't hold up their plans for you. Also, if someone feels the need to make threats, I honestly wouldn't want their negative vibes at the wedding anyway.
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