Kids at Weddings

Well, it is your wedding and you do have the right to express that it’s is adults only. You can use the excuse of the venue and liability of being responsible for kids breaking things. Or you can also say it is adults only as you want the environment to be just adults so that it is a relaxing time and worry free from kids. say it’s a break for the parents to have night out and leave the kids at home. At first I was going to do adult only and had tried just inviting the parents. But I ended up caving because as much as i wanted to have an adults only event. I rarely get to see my family and didn’t want to restrict my cousins from coming and bringing their kids.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible to not offend people if you invite some children and not others. It immediately creates the feeling of a ranking system- certain children were “good enough” to make the cut, but theirs weren’t. Plus it necessitates those parents whose children didn’t make the cut to pay for a sitter and forfeit time with their children, where the parents whose kids did make the cut get to save money and time with their children. I don’t have children, but if I did I would feel completely offended if mine weren’t invited and others were. I think the only choices you have are to either only invite children in the wedding party, have a strictly adults only event, or stick to your original idea and deal with the fallout from it. My FH and I discussed this very thing (I have a very large family and there are currently 27 children), and we decided to have an adult-only ceremony and reception- no exceptions.

View Quoted Comment I completely get that, but the only kids that are invited right now are my god sons, my nieces, and my flower girl. We don’t have a huge venue (or very kid safe- lake with no fence around it, fire pit, and just general outdoor hazards) or a huge budget, so extending the invitation to *all* kids would stretch our budget a lot, and change the overall feel of the wedding. We originally didn’t want to exceed 80, but that isn’t possible. Right now our guest list is up to 110. Even if 5-10 extra children doesn’t seem like a huge amount, it really adds up fast. I don’t want to offend anyone obviously, but I also really don’t want to adjust our vision for 5 people who to me, are essentially strangers.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the advice! We really do want it to be relaxed and worry free. The venue isn’t exactly kid proof, and we have the additional challenge of it not being local, so most guests are coming for the weekend. It’s a year off so I’m hoping my family will understand the tight budget and limitations of the venue and be able to arrange for childcare for that weekend.

It's just something that unfortunately you're just going to have to tell people if they ask why their kids wouldn't be allowed and if they know you're only allowing the wedding party kids then it should be ok. You might get some people who aren't into it but whomever wants to be at your wedding, will be.

View Quoted Comment I am a mother of 5, and we and most of the parents we k ow, would have no problem with this at all.

Whoops, not done. Your attachment is basically to aunt, and was also to a certain extent to her now grown children. But you and the grown kids have let it drift to where you barely know the kids. It is great to bring kids to a family reunion, or open house holiday visits, to introduce them and give them time to get to know their cousins, and full extended family. But the individual weddings of cousins of their parent's generation that even their parents barely see, are not an appropriate place e to first get to know them. If is quite appropriate to invite aunt. And invite grown children of aunt. And not invite their young kids. Instead, make definite plans, after the wedding, to visit with these adult first cousins, and do so during a casual day time meeting when you as a couple can actually speed time getting to know these younger family. For now, though, they are barely acquainted. You are not inviting children you do not know, whether of your very best friends, or of relatives . You are consistently leaving out the category, children we have rarely met. That consistent guideline makes what you are doing quite fair. You are inviting the whole group, kids we know extremely well . Not strangers. Fair. But as far as aunie is concerned, for your sake and hers, making the separate plans to get to know these kids after the wedding, would be good family politics. And if you intend to have children, it would be nice to already be on a good basis with these children. That would likely please all older relatives. But not at $60-100 per child, at a wedding with a limited guest list. We the parents are responsible for childcare when we attend functions to which our children are not invited. Hosts need not take any responsibility.