Samantha
Savvy July 2020

Kid-free

Samantha, on June 1, 2019 at 7:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 49
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We are not having kids at our wedding except for the wedding party.

I am going to need a ton of advice on how anybody who is doing the same has handled the backlash you have gotten from this. Because right now my blood is boiling. I keep telling myself it’s our day and have to answer to nobody, but it’s making me really upset.

49 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    Don’t entertain conversation about it. If they ask, tell them that your mind is made up and it’s not up for discussion
    • Reply
  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag
    Just say no but be prepared that some of your guests you want there really won’t be able to make it. Don’t argue. Just be firm,
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    Exactly what PPs have said! Whenever it comes up, make it clear that this is not up for negotiation

    • Reply
  • latasha
    VIP September 2019
    latasha ·
    • Flag
    Just don’t care lol. I also am not having children at the wedding except for our nieces and nephews. We aren’t even having children in the wedding. I know that’s not great advice and it’s hard to do but seriously it’s the only way to not get stressed. If they can’t make the wedding because they have children then also be ok with that.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Savvy November 2019
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    We arent allowing any kids and only have had minimal backlash. We just list all of our reasons. Sure people will be upset but at the end of the day it's your wedding.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    Just say "sorry this is an adult only event" and move on in conversation. If you don't want kids fine, be prepared for no shows, but you don't really have to explain it to anyone.
    • Reply
  • Lakesha
    Savvy July 2019
    Lakesha ·
    • Flag
    I made it very clear I didn’t want kids at my wedding and I couldn’t care less who was/is upset. Them staying home and declining the invitation would make me and my pocketbook very happy so I wouldn’t be offended at all. Too many people can’t control their kids and that’s not the vibe I want at my wedding. Let them stay mad.
    • Reply
  • Nikki
    Devoted March 2020
    Nikki ·
    • Flag
    We are not having kids under the age of 13 only little ones at our wedding will be ring bear, and flower girl and a few nieces and nephews other than that no kids!
    • Reply
  • Lizbeth
    Devoted May 2020
    Lizbeth ·
    • Flag
    Stand your ground and smile when you want to scream at them.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Champion June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    You'll just have to keep saying no unfortunately. Some people are really bad at remembering stuff or will keep pushing to see if you'll change your mind but you'll have to just be like sorry no.
    • Reply
  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    • Flag
    We are having no kids, not even in the wedding party and I’m honestly surprised how well it’s been received. Just stand your ground, and make sure your parents are prepared to ask stand their ground.
    • Reply
  • Tarah
    Savvy January 2020
    Tarah ·
    • Flag
    Be prepared for people to say no to your invite then & get a lot of no shows. I'd also be considerate as to who you invite if they have kids because it's kinda not right to invite them but then say, 'Oh, no kids' & then put them in a position to have to figure that conundrum out. Not everyone is going to be as understanding. I have 1 child, single mom and now 2 different friends did this at their weddings. 1 did no kids period, another just no kids at the reception. Needless to say I HAPPILY declined their invite.
    • Reply
  • Wendy
    Dedicated April 2020
    Wendy ·
    • Flag
    I had a child free reception with my first marriage. We provided childcare for everyone's kids (at the church Sunday school room, with their teachers) and as a result, we we didn't get much backlash. Most people complain about childcare, so we solved that problem for them 😊.

    The few that still complained, we told our venue was not suitable for children. Not sure if you are able to use that or not. Our reception was on a boat, so it was pretty easy to use the safety explanation.

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  • Rockie
    Devoted June 2019
    Rockie ·
    • Flag
    I personally haven’t received any backlash however I did have a cousin say no for that reason, and I’m fine with that! Just explain it’s nothing personal against their kids and that you want your special day to be an adult only affair. If they carry on just be firm and say your mind is made up, you understand if they need to decline your invitation.

    FH and I arnt used to being around young children, I will have an open bar, I don’t want a bunch of wild kids, it makes guest list double, and it is evening wedding. My FH and I enjoy dancing as do our friends and want our wedding (that we and our parents are paying for, not the guests) to be an adult only party. I think it’s totally okay to have events that are adult only and most people will feel that way too. A lot of people will recommend providing child care but I really don’t feel like someone else’s kid is your financial responsibility and they always have the option of saying no.
    • Reply
  • Just Said Yes October 2019
    ·
    • Flag
    I am doing the same thing except I’m not even having children in the wedding party. Most of the guest are understanding but those who aren’t don’t have to come. I’ve checked into babysitters and extended hour daycares in the area as an option for those who want to take advantage of that. It is all about you and your future husband and if people can’t handle that they need to stay at home. It sounds harsh but I hate being guilt tripped into doing something because it inconvenience other people. Stick to your guns!
    • Reply
  • N
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Nikki ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m not having children at my wedding either. Since there are no children in your wedding, you were planning on not having a ringbearer or flower girl? I’m just curious.
    • Reply
  • Ana
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Ana ·
    • Flag
    Everything everyone is saying but also the way I put it was I want the parents to be stress free because our venue is delicate (outside and has gardens, koi ponds, etc). Also, I said the child will not remember the wedding and they won’t be upset they can’t come, if anything they will be happy to not have to dress up and be on their best behavior. A lot of times people don’t realize the child could care less so who are they fighting for?
    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Melissa ·
    • Flag

    We are not having children at our wedding either, aside from the wedding party. Guests will receive a save-the-date and invitation with a special "get your babysitters ready" message. It will also be listed on our wedding website. Now, if you do not choose to arrange a babysitter with a year of notice... then it sounds like you didn't want to come. Just saying.

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. Anderson
    Dedicated July 2020
    Future Mrs. Anderson ·
    • Flag
    Me and my FH are doing the same thing and we could honestly care less lol. It’s your day so you don’t have to explain yourself to nobody. And I’m sure you gave them enough time in advance to find someone.
    • Reply
  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·
    • Flag

    Person invited to your wedding: My kid can't come? My child isn't invited? Can my child attend?

    You: No, children will not be at the ceremony or rehearsal. We understand if you can't make it, but hope to see you there!

    (this should be the end of the convo, but if they keep pressing, just repeat your statement)

    ---

    Obviously easier said than done, but DON'T apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.

    We had three people throw fits about this, and one "accommodation" (my brother and SIL live out of state with their nine-year-old special needs child. They would have no one to watch my nephew so of course he was able to attend).

    Anyways, the above worked with one person. Apparently they complained to my mother aftewards, but since they didn't say it to my face, I just ignored it.

    BIL pestered my husband until BIL called me drunk on H's cell phone to ask me if their daughter could come. I just said no, we've discussed this before and the answer isn't going to change. He kept pressing so I told him he was being rude, that I don't tell him who to invite to Christmas, so don't tell us who to invite to our wedding. (double whammy there b/c he has an aunt and uncle that are rude to us and we will no longer attend Christmas because of them) Drunk BIL kept pushing and I finally said "our venue requires additional insurance if we have guests under 21. It's $2K plus taxes. If it's that important to you, you can pay that as well as the costs for the 38 other children we need to invite which is about $100 per plate plus tax and tip" that FINALLY shut him up.

    The third, asked us multiple times and tried to bargain (if child can't go to reception what about ceremony? you won't know!), and ultimately had the six year old child ask us herself if she could come. To which we said no, there won't be any other children. She SCREAMED and CRIED and threw a FIT. H turned to child's dad and said "and THAT is why children aren't invited". At least everyone laughed at that one!


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