Kid free wedding

View Quoted Comment I have the feeling that her offer of paying for childcare means having a babysitter pick up the children and take them off the premises because she said she doesn't want to feed them. If she has this babysitter in a separate room at the venue, she still has to provide something for the children and the babysitter as well as pay him or her an hourly fee. She would save more money just by feeding the children at the reception.

I'd also like to add the following question to my previous post:
How much money did the parents spend on buying outfits for themselves and their children to be in your wedding? And you don't want to spend the money to feed their kids? If I were them, I'd be offended too.

View Quoted Comment Agree with the etiquette or not, she made her wishes known and offered accommodation. It's her wedding. So yes, they are being rude.

So I should let these 2 children who will have nothing to do and will want to run around and play at my reception?

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Apparently totally kid free weddings are a mystery to alot of people.

View Quoted Comment Totally kid free weddings aren’t a mystery. I’ve been to several totally kid free weddings. None of them have ever had a flower girl or ring bearer.

I simply said, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but here are some resources for childcare that may be helpful..." Do not defend or explain your position more than (I'm guessing...) you have already. Just troubleshoot solutions with her.

*edit* I didn't read the bit that they're in the ceremony. I do agree with others, if the kids are in the wedding, you should also include them in the reception.

If you want a kid free wedding, why are you having kids in the ceremony?

If I were in your situation I wouldn't have a flower girl or ring bearer, it's unnecessary. If the kids are small and don't really know what's going on then skip it.

If they are old enough to understand (2+) and will be disappointed that you want them in the wedding, then begin looking forward to it and talking about it, you're gonna break their little hearts by not letting them come.

Kids are people too.

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No... it's rude to the children. Kids are people. Just with any tiered invite, her bridesmaid and groomsmen are 100% in the right to be offended at this suggestion. Especially since it's because she doesn't want to feed the little people who just spent several hours doing boring stuff just for her.

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Not at all. You want a kid free wedding, have a kid free wedding. Don't use kids as props for your photos.

View Quoted Comment It would be on the premises. I would never have a stranger pick up somehow else's kids. I also offered food. Two hours of a babysitter and food is much cheaper then two kids meals at a wedding.

Honestly, if you don’t want kids at the reception I would just let the bridesmaid know that you have changed your mind about having them in the wedding as it would not be fair to other people with kids. I believe that if you have them in the wedding they should be at the reception. My nephew will be leaving after our ceremony, but only because that is what my sister wants to do, and he will be under 2 years old.

I think you have been more then willing and accommodating. I read your comment that you offered to pay for child care, that is very nice of you.
I personally do not want kids at my wedding, but unfortunately my fh has alot of kids in his family and it would stop family from coming due to travel if kids werent invited.
If i were you, i honestly would stick to what you want, i would tell the friend that you no longer will have children in the wedding due to being adamant on a " kids free reception"

Usually id say if the kid is in the wedding, they should be at the reception depending on age but you have been more then nice...plus you offered child care, and for her to still say they are coming is just plain rude on her part.
Stick to what you want!

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If you want to use them as props for the ceremony, pictures, and reception intros, then yes, you need to invite them to the reception as well.

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Totally kid free weddings aren't a mystery. They also don't include kids in any part of the ceremony or reception.

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Surely child care would cost almost as much as giving them a meal at $75 each?

I think it is both rude and also unrealistic to expect both parents to be in your wedding party and leave the kids somewhere else, especially coordinating care after a ceremony the kids will be at. It requires quite a bit of coordination with you and a babysitter and the kids, and then asking them to do that is kind of too much. It's nice you offered to pay for a sitter but expecting someone to give their kids to some stranger isn't often well received even in average situations, expecting them to suddenly be okay with it for a wedding is unrealistic.
I would also advise you to give up having a flower girl and ring boy if you really do not want children at the wedding, like many posters said children are not props basic manners extend to them and their families too, if you want them in the wedding you should account for it at the reception as well.
Maybe you can find a compromise, children often don't like being out late and exposed to noise for great lengths, ask the parents realistically how long the kids would be at the reception, I'd honestly guess under two hours if they're decently small kids. Would you be okay if they just left early. I'd assume the parents would need to leave early regardless because of the kids anyway.

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You kind of contradicted yourself here. The wedding is the entire event. Every child-free wedding I have been to has had no flower girl or ring bearer. That is the most fair way to do it. "Kid free means all kids". I understand $75 is ridiculous. The only thing you can do is keep reiterating to them they can't stay if that's truly the route you are still wanting to go down. There has to be someone to pick them up; it has been done. My mom told me my cousins (who were so young at the time) left before her reception years ago and a babysitter picked them up.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I agree with others that if the children are in the wedding they should be the exception to the "no kids" reception. Daughter had four relative's children in her wedding (it wasn't necessarily her first choice, but she felt like it was the right thing to do, and I admire her for it since the kids and their mom -- also a bridesmaid -- were the only stressful thing about her planning and the day of). Those four kids, ages 4, 6, 8, & 10, were the only children invited to the wedding. It's a lot having kids in the wedding, especially with one or both parents in it as well. Daughter was constantly having to negotiate with the kids' mom about when and where it made sense for the kids to be, especially the day of the wedding. They are a rambunctious group, without much discipline, so daughter knew she didn't want them with her/at the venue any earlier than necessary, as there really wasn't any place for them to hang out or anything for them to do during photos, etc. That meant their mom did not get ready at our home with the other BM's (which probably made her mad...) and met us at the venue just before pictures began. The kids' dad brought them to the venue about 60-75 minutes prior to the ceremony start time. The B&G got photos with the kids. It was stressful, but we got through the ceremony without any major kid-related mishaps (the older RB slugged his little brother two seconds before they walked down the aisle and daughter watched in horror to see if they were going to be in a brawl or screaming just as the doors opened for her to walk down the aisle...luckily they got it together and walked without further incident). Just as the bridal party was about the be announced at the reception, the youngest LOUDLY made it clear she was ready for BED RIGHT THEN.... Her parents ended up putting her on a lounge chair on the perimeter of the reception room and she slept the entire night. The six-year old walked around in a daze sucking his thumb most the night, and the 8 & 10 year olds had a BLAST dancing and interacting with all the other guests on the dance floor, and cried when their parents decided it was time to leave to get them all back to the hotel around 9:30 (they didn't make a scene, they were just having so much fun they didn't want to leave). For what it's worth, there were other guests whose children were not invited and as far as I know, no one said a word about why the FGs and RBs were there and their kids weren't included.

I guess my point is having children in a wedding isn't necessarily "easy" for anyone and takes a lot of coordination. If you truly love these children and it means a lot to you that they are in the wedding, I'd encourage you to try and accommodate them at the reception. If you really want an adults only wedding reception, then I think you should talk with the parents and let them know that you've rethought things and would prefer the children not be in and/or attend any part of the wedding (and if they've already purchased clothing or made travel arrangements for the kids, I'd offer to reimburse them). Depending on the parties involved, I'd guess removing the children from the wedding entirely could cause some hard feelings and might possibly result in their parents dropping out as well. Good luck. I know this won't be an easy decision. I'm well aware there is a strong, "it's your wedding, do whatever you want to" camp on this forum, but that doesn't mean there won't be potential consequences for your relationships with people. Only you and FH can determine what means more to you.