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Chloe
Devoted February 2022

Kid-free wedding misunderstanding

Chloe, on October 7, 2021 at 11:56 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 31
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We're having a child-free wedding. It's partly because we don't want to cater to over 30 children that would come with our guests, and partly because the venue we've chosen is dangerous (open fires everywhere). There are other reasons, too, but we've communicated clearly in our STDs and also in person that it's an adults-only event.


Our venue (which is also a hotel) sent me a list of rooms booked by our guests - the deadline for the hotel room block was this Monday if guests wanted to get a room with our special discount. And I've noticed that some guests booked rooms for themselves and their kids. All but two are guests from FHs family... Two of the kids (aged 1 and eleven) we knew about and agreed that their parents could bring them because they'll be flying from the US and staying in Europe for a few weeks after the wedding, the baby is going to be sleeping in the room and the 11 yo is not a bother. That still leaves us with 5 unannounced kids aged between 3 and 8 that we haven't planned on and - more importantly - don't want to accommodate. There is no option that the parents are just taking them with them to leave them in their rooms - this is an "event hotel" we've hired exclusively for that weekend, so even the meals are only provided for our wedding guests, and there are no other options nearby (nearest city is 3km away).
What do I do? Do I approach the parents to tell them I've noticed that they've included their children in the room reservations? Or do I sit tight and do nothing and keep planning our adult-only party?
To clarify: none of them informed us that they might be bringing their children. Our save the dates were addressed to the adults only and stated clearly that we've reserved 2 seats for them and that, due to our peculiar venue, the event would be adult-only. Our website has a whole section on the venue and also why we've decided to go child-free. You honestly can't get more clear. People seemingly just chose to ignore all that and I'm angry because that's just rude and I don't know what to do about it.

31 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on October 13, 2021 at 11:06 PM
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I would definitely reach out to them ASAP. Much better to handle this awkward situation now, than to have to handle it at your wedding! And if the parents choose not to attend because they cannot bring their child(ren), you want to make sure they have time to cancel their rooms and get a refund, and prevent them from making nonrefundable travel arrangements.
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    I am a little confused. So the parents bringing their children are not allowed to keep them in the room during the wedding?

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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    Of course they're allowed to "keep them", but children can't just be kept, can they? I'm pretty sure they intend to bring them to the reception. Also, the wedding is on a Saturday and we've been planning the meals around and during our events, there are no other options to get food during the day unless you drive for half an hour, because the venue only caters to our events, they even specify that the kitchen will not prepare any additional meals during the day. I'm pretty sure they just expect that we'll see their kids and will be forced to accommodate them.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Oh wow, this food situation makes it even more important that you reach out to these people ASAP! You need to verbally communicate to them everything you have said here, so they fully understand if they bring their children they will not be allowed into your event, they will not be allowed to be left alone in a hotel room, and they will not be fed the entire time they are there (unless the parents want to drive half an hour to procure meals for them).
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    Ok, I read it as the venue won't allow the kids to stay period since they are not guests of the wedding.

    On that note. You will more than likely get some hurt/offended feelings because you are bending the rules for one family. I understand they are traveling and they are part of the package, but your wedding isn't "childfree". So just be prepared for that.

    But I think Cece has it right. Definitely call them asap and let them know immediately so they can get refund if they can no longer attend

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Can I also just add that it is incredibly rude of parents to ignore the wishes of the hosts of an event, and just force their children upon them anyway. I don’t understand where this strange parental entitlement comes from, or the idea that children are invited everywhere. I completely understand if you do not feel comfortable leaving your children at home with a relative, friend, sitter, etc. But If that’s the case, that means you do not get to attend the event in question! When you decide to have children, you do so knowing that you will no longer get to attend certain things.
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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    I'm really dreading this conversations. They can't even be offended because no one knows we've made that exception. Might come later though.


    We'll be sending our invitations in two weeks (need everyone to reply until the end of December) and I'll just put it on them again, and wait to see what they do. They can cancel the rooms until a month before the wedding.
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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    I KNOW RIGHT. It makes me so angry.
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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    ALSO we've already had this conversation with one of those couples. They asked if they could bring their children, we said no and explained all the reasons why. THEY STILL BOOKED A ROOM FOR FOUR.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    WOW. Well, maybe they are planning to bring the kids, and one of the parents staying in the room with them during your ceremony and reception. If that were the plan, you would think they wouldn’t bother spending all that extra money traveling with three additional people though. Why pay for four plane tickets when you can pay for one? And why have to drive 30 minutes every time you need to feed your kids? Not to mention, this sounds like a completely miserable experience for the children.
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    I would reach out to the families that reserved rooms with their children. I say this because I too had very detailed invites, save the dates, website and even a covid wedding safety letter and none of the information was read or read in its entirety. Guests barely visited my website maybe like 4 and my save the dates got lost so quick and all the info on the back was never noticed as they didn’t think to turn it over where they would find another picture of us and some wedding info. I still had guests asking what day of the week my wedding was on 2-4 weeks out mind you all the info was on everything we sent. So do not rely on guests to read everything. It sucks given how much effort we put into these things but it’s true. So do reach out and ensure they are aware it is adult and invite only and if their kids come they will not be accommodated unfortunately.
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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    In my experience, destination wedding with overnight accommodations and child-free don't really mix. When I think "wedding" I think of max a single day where children would need to be cared for and a 30 minute drive really isn't that bad for food. I'm also assuming that the parents are paying for the room and in those kinds of situations you can't really dictate what happens. Most parents aren't very welcoming to someone choosing for them what is a safe or unsafe situation to bring their kids into. I'd reach out to them to clarify that if children are brought the children would not be allowed to attend any of the meals, ceremony or reception. BUT because you compromised for someone else there will absolutely be hurt feelings so you may want to evaluate what kind of relationship you have with these people moving forward.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    Agree with others that unfortunately, you need to have very candid, uncomfortable conversations with these families. You will also have to consider how you address the exception you made to your rule. To the extent that any of these families are initially upset, it's going to cause you issues on wedding day when they see another child/baby there who were allowed to attend.

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  • L
    Savvy August 2023
    Lily ·
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    This is what I'm worried about with my wedding. The only kids invited to my wedding are the flower girls because if we allowed everyone the option to bring their children then we would have over 20 kids coming which is just....not great. I'm planning on putting "this is a child free event. Please leave the kiddos at home!" on our STDs and invitations; however, I'm concerned people are going to ignore this and try and bring their children.

    Like others have said, you're going to have to have a personal conversation with these people who are trying to bring their children. Yes, it will be uncomfortable and feelings might get hurt but if others see that you allowed some children to attend your wedding then even more feelings will be hurt, and things will get very uncomfortable.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Kid free means no infants or flowergirl/ring bearer because it comes across that you are playing favorites with the rules. If you truly don’t want kids in attendance, reach out to them and ask to arrange childcare. If someone is traveling overseas and staying more than a weekend, it’s understandable to not separate the family for the rest of the trip which is out of your control, but they would still arrange childcare for the wedding if they plan to attend.
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    Are the kids' names on the room reservations? How do you know that they're not sharing a room with other people who are invited?
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  • I_Do_Too
    Devoted September 2020
    I_Do_Too ·
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    Did the hotel provide you with how many guests the room is booked for vs how many the room can accommodate?

    I personally disagree with popular opinion that invite one child means invite all. A wedding is a very intimate event and you shouldn't have to invite a whole family just because you want specific children there, whatever the reason for exception may be. Thats your business and a child still needs to be invited to attend a private formal event. Like you said, the parents have a choice to attend or not and if they are aware that their kids aren’t invited and are planning to bring them anyway, that’s beyond inconsiderate and blatantly self-serving.

    However if you have already made it a point to label it a child-free event I would expect a few eyebrows to be raised if guests show up and there are select children there.
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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    The two children that will be the there are one (will be sleeping in their room) and eleven year old - the girl will attend dinner and then go to their room because she'd much rather play games than attend the reception. I don't think that you can really say that they're attending anything...
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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    The list clearly states how many adults and how many children each room is booked for
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  • Jessica
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jessica ·
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    Is it possible to arrange for childcare? I know it’s an extra expense/task for you, but might just be easier overall.
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