Kid Free Reception?

Oh god, it is not your problem. the one who doesn't want to put effort is the sister. I've seen plenty of weddings with a "no kids" rule. you're not in the wrong here. i'm a calm person and i would just let the sister talk. let her "rot" inside and you try to be as worry free as possible with family drama! D, xx.

This is your big day!! If you don’t want kids, then don’t allow people to bring kids. I know she’s a sister, but be honest! You’re making some accommodations for them so their kids are taken care of which is INCREDIBLE and nice of you and if she can’t accept that it’s her problem. You do what you want to make your special day how you want it, and don’t let people push you around!

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Thank you! Worry free with family seems like an unheard of concept haha!

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Thats what FH says.. That she is just trying to be a pain and to ignore her and stick to our decision. I just know if it came down to them not being there at all or making an exception I would bend. Cause I know he wants them in the weddding.

If they’re in the wedding, they are the exception to the no kid rule and should be allowed to attend the reception. I would never allow/pay for my daughter to participate in a wedding if as soon as pictures were done she was shipped off to another area instead of being allowed to stay. Also, if she doesn’t want to bring her kids/have them participate there’s nothing you can do. They are her children so it’s her decision.

I wouldn't involve the girls in the ceremony if you don't want them at the reception. That's a ton of extra work for the parents.

I've seen a few other posts on here that are similar to this, so I've read a few comments/suggestions from others. But to me personally, I think it is odd to have kids in the ceremony and then not let those same kids attend the reception. I completely understand wanting a kid-free reception, it's just weird to have them included in part of it and then not even invited to the reception. I think having a babysitter is a great idea, and based on other posts on here others tend to say it would be appropriate for you & your fiance to pay for the babysitter, because you are the ones that are saying you don't want them at the reception. It's not fair to say they can't come and then make the parents pay for that. I do think his sister should communicate with you better, and come talk to you directly if she feels like it's an inconvenience, but I sort of see where she's coming from.

I think that children who are in the wedding are the exception to the no kids rule. I have 2 kids, and I'd be pretty annoyed that I'd be bringing my kids to the wedding, getting them dressed, standing around while they're in pictures, and then being told I have to hire a babysitter because they can't be at the reception. If it were me I'd probably just say that the kids won't be in the wedding and leave them at home.

What I don't agree with is your FSIL talking behind your backs and not just addressing it with you guys herself. I agree that you should be upset about that.

Just to offer a different perspective, because I am a mom of a 5 year old and 1 1/2 year old, I will try to explain a different side. I do think that it is a bit unfair to ask them to be in the wedding but not let them come to the reception. As a mom, I am not okay with putting my kids in a separate room, with or with out a babysitter. That is my comfort level, and I know that they will be miserable, and they will want mommy (because they are very much mommy's girls). I will always think of my children's comfort first. And I can imagine it'd be an inconvenience for them to leave your wedding to take the kids somewhere, come back, have to worry about drinking and driving and picking up the kids, etc...no matter how close everything is. I think that (unintentionally of course) people without kids plan things and don't take into consideration just how inconvenient it can be for parents. For me, I would either want to 1) find a babysitter for the entire event: wedding and reception, so me and my spouse could enjoy a kid free night, or 2) plan to have them with me the entire time so I know where I stand on being able to drink, etc. I love my kids, but they can make going anywhere to anything a challenge...whether other people see it or not. So just try to be understanding, because I believe it probably is a big hassle for her. Hope that helps!

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I have to disagree here. I am not okay with anyone making accommodations for my children other than myself and their father. Period.

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I can see that! And we of course offered to pay for the babysitter. I think my frustration comes from the fact that we talked about this months ago and there was no issue now all of a sudden its to much.

I am certainly leaning more towards just letting them come. I don't want to make it an issue.

Not that I think it has anything to do with anything. But we are paying for EVERYTHING for the girls to be in the wedding. We bought their outfits, shoes, everything they would need, arranged for them to have an air conditioned place to go to, and food to be brought to them,( Wedding is outside in Aug at 5pm) Offered to pay for a sitter if that is the option the parents wanted, and are taking the girls to the grandparents house on Friday after the rehearsal so that we can bring them to the venue on time which my mother is doing.

I just feel like Iv given so many options and offered so much already that a little give and take would be nice so we dont run into issues with our other friends and family with kids.

As I write this I am thinking it really might be easier to have a completely kid free wedding. But then I risk her being mad at me for not having the girls in the wedding at all. I feel like I cant win here.

View Quoted Comment Danielle, I respect that! And I totally get where you’re coming from!! But she put in effort for her future sister in law and that’s amazing of her. I know that I personally would want to meet with said babysitter and ask them questions and make sure my kids are okay in their care, but I’d still be grateful for the thought and effort. I would also like to point out that I don’t want to start any kind of arguments so I’m so sorry if this hit a nerve of any kind. We also have a couple kids and I get it, you want them to always be safe and taken care of. And if someone invited us to a kid free wedding then made some accommodations for our kids I’d be so grateful! Even if I find my own babysitter, they thought of us and made an effort. This is just my personal opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own☺️ I hope you have a great day!

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Thank you for your perspective! I am thinking you maybe right. It may be to much to ask them to be apart of the wedding.

I though I was being thoughtful by offering them a place to hangout so they parents could enjoy to wedding and they wouldn't be the only little kids in the middle of what could be a rowdy open bar wedding. But it obviously seems like it is more of a hassle for them.

Hate how there’s always one in the family that has to create a conflict and drama for something so small. Makes no sense to me.
Bottle line you’re not wrong. At least you’re trying to accommodate her on the tv room and make it very easy for her. Is her problem if she wants to make it a big deal and stress about it. Don’t let it get to you.

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No arguments or feelings. We can definitely have difference in opinions. I think it is nice of her and thoughtful, BUT I'm still not okay with anyone else making accommodations for my kids. I wouldn't be rude about it, but i'd definitely decline the offer.

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You were being thoughtful, and that is a nice gesture....but if it were me, I'd still respectfully decline. I think it's great that y'all want them in the wedding, but it is a little unfair to put so many stipulations on that. If their parents agree to let them be in the wedding, then I think they should be the exception to your no kid rule. Otherwise, it just might be simpler and less stressful on you to opt for no kids at either.

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I have bent over backwards to accommodate them so I think its unfair to say that there are "so many stipulations"

As a parent do you really want to take your small children to an evening wedding with an open bar? Not only was I thinking of the kids comfort but i was thinking of their safety.

Sure it's simpler but not really any less stress seeing as these 2 little girls are everything to us and it would break our hearts to not have them.

Its a silly situation that should not even be an issue we should have to deal with. Its his sister! I can comprehend why she wouldn't be willing to be slightly inconvenienced for him for a few hours, one day.

View Quoted Comment Every wedding I’ve taken my daughter to has been an evening wedding with an open bar. That’s pretty much the only kinds of weddings that happen in our friend/family circle. It’s not just about his sister being inconvenienced. Do you really think it’s that simple to tell a 5 year old they can come to a wedding for the boring part but have to leave before the fun starts? Even kids that young understand the party (dancing and food) is the fun part.

Is this hill you really want to die on?

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That is how you see it. Was just trying to offer a different perspective. I've been where his sister is. FH's brother recently got married. They don't have children, so they planned all of these insane things that made it impossible for us to enjoy anything about their wedding. Anyways, if you don't see anything wrong with having them at the ceremony and not the reception then stand your ground, it is your wedding and it should be the way you want it. Hope it all works out for you.