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Just Said Yes August 2018

Kicked off as bridesmaid should i still attend the wedding?

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Lima, on May 15, 2018 at 11:59 AM

(Apologies for the long story) First time being a bridesmaid to my best friend, I call sister. I’m at a lost for words and deeply hurt. I dont have much family or rarely ever attend weddings for the small circle I have, so when my best friend gets engaged and asks me to be her bridesmaid with no hesitation of course I said yes. She got engaged ending of April and decided to get married August. Shes holding her wedding ceremony at her parents house and handmaking certain decorations we spoke on the phone about the bridesmaid dresses she first said we can all wear different dresses in Black.(To mention we live in different states I just visited in April I spent about $400 just the plane ticket) She then said all the BM’s went to look for dresses and they ended up choosing the same dress she mention to me it’s a bit pricey and said to not feel obligated to get it. We spoke again over the phone I asked how much it was and she said to try it on at DB if it’s to expensive again I can find another dress. I went to go take a look at the dress it was gorgeous but I couldn’t afford it, the dress was $180. I told her that I checked it out but I couldn’t afford it. She then said that’s fine she’ll find someone else... my heart dropped and didn’t comprehend and asked what she meant by that and she said all the girls are wearing the same dress and wants them to all match. I mentioned everything she had told me and that it deeply hurts me for her to go find someone else and change her plans, she got mad changed her story and said she already meant to not feel obligated to be a bridesmaid if I can’t afford the dress and said everything she mentioned about different dresses was early in the stage of her being engaged and she’s hurt that I can’t spend that on a dress and how she would go that extra mile for me and spend whatever I chose. I screenshotted exactly what she said told her she should of talked to everyone about there budget in by no means did she mention what she last stated I had to mention that I can’t afford it because for one it’s 180 she said the bridesmaid got it 150 w/ 30$ off, they all live in the same state as her meanwhile I have to book my flight and already booked a flight in July for an event that I have to attend, I work in Home my job doesn’t pay that much, my bf is the breadwinner here she knows all of this. She then went on and said she should have been more clear and agrees that she should of asked everyones budget but can’t make everyone happy and talked about her expenses of how much she’s spending for her dress wedding and other even tho she gets paid Salary... I feel so hurt that I’m not even sure if I should attend If it was my wedding I choose her over a dress any day and would never replace her spot... should I stick it and still go or forget about it?..

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23 Comments

Devoted October 2019
Missy B · on May 15, 2018 at 5:25 PM
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I think you value your friendship...or the friendship that you think you have with this woman much more than she does. Honestly, I do not feel she is much of a friend id she would bluntly just say she will find another bridesmaid over a dress.
If you are going to her wedding now as just a guest and that is all. I would say it is perfectly fine to not attend. You cannot afford it and obviously, you are not the friends you thought you were.
Sorry, I would just be so devastated if someone I thought was a good friend told me that I would be replaced over a dress. I would be done with the friendship.
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Dedicated July 2018
Yendor · on May 24, 2018 at 11:00 PM
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Um just no. The bride agreed that BMs would pick the same color dress and then changed her requirements to the same dress. Brides know that folks have budgets and should try to not out undo financial burdens on BMs who have extra expenses like flying home. Unfortunately the distance and other things have already made these folks friends not best friends and it is now ok for the distance friend to not come if she so chooses. A real friend understands that folks have budgets.
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Just Said Yes May 2022
Alo · on May 1, 2022 at 10:59 AM
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I am in the EXACT situation currently. I’m currently drinking my coffee in my bridesmaid dress that was just delivered. I was Kicked out of my best friends wedding 2 days ago and told that I will be replaced by her dog but I still needed to attend the wedding as a guest. From day ONE I asked what she wanted ie bachelorette, bridal shower, stag and doe so I could figure it all out over the last year. Both her and her husband said no, we just want you to be here with us. The moment a second bridesmaid was added to the wedding party 5 months ago everything went bad real quick. All of a sudden there were surprise bridal showers, a bachelorette in downtown Toronto in July that is not possible for me to attend at the moment. When I explained 3 times to the other bridesmaid I can’t afford this right now, I was sent a message that this is not about me it is about the bride and she was booking everything and would send me the receipt. I’m 32 years old and have never been in a wedding party before. I live in Ontario and she lives on the east coast so I was told I would just have to buy my dress and flight here which I was like sweet no problemo! Flights are $700 because it’s going to be summer (aug) and both me and my boyfriend were going. I spent the last of my money buying a $200 dollar dress I couldn’t afford (because you know pandemic, losing my design job 2 years ago because our world economy is trying to recover for the working class. I bought the dread ONE day before this happened because she wanted everyone to have their dress by May 1st. I had to get a final sale non-returnable dress to be able to even get a dress. So now I don't know what to do with the dress. Should I alter to make it my style (like bejewel it or tie dye it) then create new memories in it because it just reminds me of sadness and hurt right now, or should I just give it to the dog to wear?😂 the dress is stunning.
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